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Her Dr. said to keep her foot elevated and get her to walk more. But mom -- 86 yrs with midstage dementia ---barely walks and if I try to do any exercise with her, she will shriek, 'you are killing me, ' leave me alone'. She has trouble wearing her slippers due to the feet swelling. So what should I be doing? I do put pillows under her feet at night. If I put a foot stool in front of her, she will keep her feet up only if I'm standing vigil.

Also, her feet are black-ish due to poor circulation. She needs to have an ultrasound done of her feet to figure out what exactly is happening. But mom has refused the u/s saying she has lived to be 86 with no issues and to just "leave her to her fate".

As some of you all know, I got her from our home country of India in 2019 when she couldn't live alone there anymore. She's very used to thong sandals (Clark's type) in hot tropical India and refuses to wear any type of shoes, orthopedic footwear here in the cold northeast. Now her feet swell and she can't fit into the one & only sandal she has. She refuses to wear socks for fear of slipping. She has never worn socks in her life so far. Does anyone make giant toe socks which will easily slip on her feet?

Should I take her kicking & screaming for the foot u/s?

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UPDATE: I took mom to her Dr today. The blackish skin is actually dark reddish color due to v v v dry skin. Mom has never applied lotion to her feet at all in the last 10 years for sure. The Dr has prescribed lachydrin lotion 12% (for 3 months daily) and also compression socks for the swelling. There is some "vein insufficiency" but the Dr is not worried about it. Mom went quite nuts in the Dr office and kept asking "is she going to operate on me" when the Dr kept saying it's severe dry skin.

Thank you all for keeping us in your thoughts - much appreciated!
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Geaton777 Feb 2022
So glad it is not serious!
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WearyNow,

1.    You've asked that this thread be closed.   If you still want that to happen, contact the Admins.    On the right hand side at the bottom of this page is an "About Aging Care" link.   That takes you to a small dialog box which you can use to contact the Admins directly.

2.    If and before the thread is closed, I'd like to offer a suggestion for someone who doesn't want to walk.   My father used a small pedaler, similar to bike pedals, but which could be used for arms if placed and weighted down on a table, and is like bicycling when placed on the floor.  He sat in his chair and listened to music, and pedaled, and pedaled until he hit his goal.

They look like this, and can be bought online, or in DME shops:

https://www.ebay.com/itm/265510993768?hash=item3dd1b03f68:g:lNAAAOSwW~NgWr7V

Some of the catalogues with a variety of stuff ranging from kitchen goods to medical ones also sell these.  Dad bought his several years ago for about $15.

3.   I have a feeling your mother wouldn't cooperate, but if you can create some kind of relaxation event, with music, perhaps a special treat before or after, you might be able to encourage her.  If you can think of some way to "bribe" her, that could be effective.

4.    Otherwise, I'm with others that the blackish feet are a red flag and demand immediate medical attention, whether Mom agrees or not.  Are there any men in the family who could influence her?  (Sometimes folks from other countries are more receptive to men than women.)

Good luck; I can't imagine how difficult and challenging this is for you.
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DadIsFine Feb 2022
I'm glad she didn't close the thread yet, as I have learned some things in the comments, including yours. I'm ordering that bicycle thingie for my dad. Thank you!!
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If this were my mother's feet that were swollen and blackish, I'd call 911 and have the EMTs come over to the house to give you THEIR opinion on whether or not she needs to go to the ER for an immediate evaluation. Your mother is not competent to make her own decisions now, due to mid stage dementia, so it's up to you to do so for her.

This is not a matter for a Zoom telehealth meeting or a phone appointment; but an emergency situation that warrants a 911 call, in my opinion. You can apologize to mother LATER, after you find out exactly what's going on. If she wants to continue living with you, in your home, then YOU get to make certain decisions FOR her, whether she agrees with you or not. Period. Otherwise, she's free to move back to India and live life on HER terms entirely. Tough love sucks, but it also saves lives. Because if she winds up having her feet amputated, guess who's on the hook for her 24/7 care? YOU are. And that gives a whole new meaning to the intensity of what she's putting you thru NOW. (((Shudders)))))

Good luck.
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The swelling of her feet is not only from not walking. She probably has congestive heart failure of kidney disease. There is no need for an ultrasound of her feet. Her heart or kidneys problems are more serious than her feet.
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Hi. Would your mom consent to a nice foot soak? Don't tell her it's for her health, pose it as a nice spa day. Add plenty of Epsom salt to the water then massage her feet. That will help the circulation.
Speaking of salt, she'll have to limit her salt intake, as it causes swelling.
Add turmeric and cayenne pepper to her diet, as they have natural antiinflammatory agents. Additionally, magnesium supplements and foods high in magnesium like almonds, spinach, tofu, cashews, and broccoli. Also foods like bananas that are high in potassium will help.
Buy her compression socks and tell her she is NOT to walk around in them, they are for when she is sitting and sleeping only, and she should remove them before walking around to prevent slipping and falling. Just wearing them will help.
If she won't get up and move, perhaps she will do some stretches and leg lifts? Any movement of her legs is helpful, she doesn't have to actually get up if she's that resistant. She can do knee raises, different forms of leg lifts, and many exercises with resistance bands.
Finally, inspire her! Show her videos of Ernestine Shepherd, the over 80 year old woman who still works out and does bodybuilding. Put some light hand weights near her chair. Put on her favorite dance music and see what happens. She might just get up and dance!
Also, plenty of water! 8 to 10 glasses per day.
Good luck to you and your mom!
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wearynow Feb 2022
In our Indian food diet, mom gets plenty of turmeric and c.pepper. But she's not used to broccoli, tofu but will eat bananas.

Thank you for the nice. suggestions.
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Hi Weary, the same thing happened to my dad. I bought him a lift chair on Amazon
to sit in that has a remote to lift the feet. I would get his feet up at least 4 hours a day and slather lotion on legs and feet. He would often fall asleep when chair was back giving his feet an extra hour to be up. His feet went from sausages to regular feet very quickly. We all chipped in on the lift chair.
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Saydey Feb 2022
This might be the ticket for dad. Can you send a link to the chair you purchased?
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Folks, the OP has provided an update with positive news.   Check the post that's ninth down from this post.  

She already has doctor's advice.
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Crock shoes are very useful, easy to wear, non-slippery. Try it!

Swelling in feet: be careful there’s no liquid retention. Serious causes of feet swelling can be: urinary retention (bladder problem), kidney problem, lung problem, or heart problem.

There can be other causes: not serious.
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Well--wow, that's something new on this site. Dry skin! Probably made worse by not moving and keeping circulation going. I lotioned up my FIL's legs at the EOL for him. His skin was like paper. The lotion didn't have any magical powers, but it did feel good for him and maybe helped keep his skin more moisturized. IDK.

You got 'lucky' on that, probably thinking she was going to wind up a double amputee and simply being prescribed lotion!!

I get it, though. The immobility does cause her skin to be swell and can make already tender feet much worse. Circulatory problems become more pronounced. Mom hasn't got CHF or kidney issues, but she is so immobile her feet are always very swollen. She makes a point of wearing thick socks 24/7 and can't get into any shoes...but she's 92 and in poor health. She can walk about 200 steps a day and that's it. She also is severely dehydrated all the time and there is nothing I can do to encourage her to drink more. 6 oz of coffee at breakfast, then a 12 oz bottle of Coke that lasts her the rest of the day. I have long since quit trying to encourage her to drink more. Even a quart of water would make us all happy. But she has urinary incontinence and she keeps as little fluid in her as she possibly can.

And of course she states that she drinks ice water all day, and once I opened her freezer and said "Oh, ice water made with these magical ice cubes? (ALL the ice trays were empty and obviously had been for ages).

We have to pick our battles with our elders. This is not the hill I wish to die on, so I ignore her when I can tell she's obviously dehydrated, which is always.
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wearynow Feb 2022
Yeah, my mom hates drinking water because it will make her pee..whatever....anyway she's incontinent like your mom...I just don't get all this...I'm just focusing on keeping her safe & healthy, somewhat happy.

The skin did look blackish to me but in the Dr office's office, in the bright lights and mom's foot properly up on the table, it was dark red.!

Thank you
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Thank you, dear Forum-ers, for all your replies....very good to learn from your experiences.
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