Her Dr. said to keep her foot elevated and get her to walk more. But mom -- 86 yrs with midstage dementia ---barely walks and if I try to do any exercise with her, she will shriek, 'you are killing me, ' leave me alone'. She has trouble wearing her slippers due to the feet swelling. So what should I be doing? I do put pillows under her feet at night. If I put a foot stool in front of her, she will keep her feet up only if I'm standing vigil.
Also, her feet are black-ish due to poor circulation. She needs to have an ultrasound done of her feet to figure out what exactly is happening. But mom has refused the u/s saying she has lived to be 86 with no issues and to just "leave her to her fate".
As some of you all know, I got her from our home country of India in 2019 when she couldn't live alone there anymore. She's very used to thong sandals (Clark's type) in hot tropical India and refuses to wear any type of shoes, orthopedic footwear here in the cold northeast. Now her feet swell and she can't fit into the one & only sandal she has. She refuses to wear socks for fear of slipping. She has never worn socks in her life so far. Does anyone make giant toe socks which will easily slip on her feet?
Should I take her kicking & screaming for the foot u/s?
Is there a way to close this topic for discussion?
Is there any motivational 'carrots' you could use?
Please come WALK out to the kitchen, there is a lovely treat on the table for you... or out to to garden to enjoy the fresh air with me.
I sympathise for your situation. I am sorry I have no real solutions for you.
This is not a matter for a Zoom telehealth meeting or a phone appointment; but an emergency situation that warrants a 911 call, in my opinion. You can apologize to mother LATER, after you find out exactly what's going on. If she wants to continue living with you, in your home, then YOU get to make certain decisions FOR her, whether she agrees with you or not. Period. Otherwise, she's free to move back to India and live life on HER terms entirely. Tough love sucks, but it also saves lives. Because if she winds up having her feet amputated, guess who's on the hook for her 24/7 care? YOU are. And that gives a whole new meaning to the intensity of what she's putting you thru NOW. (((Shudders)))))
Good luck.
To help the swelling, her feet need to be elevated above her heart. A wedge pillow might help, with her lying flat on her back with her feet up on the wedge.
Does she seriously want to be "left to her fate"? Talk to her about this a bit deeper, if she'll talk about it. Does she have a living will? Is she really ready to die? Not to be dramatic, but if this is untreated, who knows what it is and it is possible that it's serious.
I'd try fairly hard to get her to the u/s. Would some kind of a reward work for after? "I really want you to go to this appointment mom. Do it for me. Afterwards, I'll take you to the movies/shopping/dinner (whatever she'd like!) to show my appreciation."
When my mom's feet were really swollen, I bought a pair of shoes in a bigger size to get her through until they went back down. How about clogs? Crocs?
Good luck.