Follow
Share

I desperately need advice on what to do. My siblings are not interested in helping. Mother lives alone, house is in a horrible state. She broke her ankle 5 years ago, lived with my brother out of state for 3 mos. I rehabbed her home, and now 5 years later things are back the same -inside 15 cats, animal excrement everywhere, maggots in kitchen, etc. Re Social Services - they came out 3 times, once she would not let them in, 2nd visit they provided a Home Aide - after 3 wks. they pulled the Aide based upon the house was too unsanitary for the aide to work in, the last time they said as long as she has running water, food (albeit it is spoiled) in fridge, and toilet, there is nothing they can do. Her Dr. says she is just old. After 8 mos. of paying a housekeeper, they have quit, every week, they had to spend most of the time picking up trash all over the floor, clean up cat excrement all over floor and in bathrooms. The final straw was housecleaner having to clean up Maggots in the Kitchen food areas for two weekly visits in a row. Mother will not cooperate in any attempt to keep anything clean. If it has a flat surface, she will feed canned cat food and let the cats defecate/urinate on it. So anyway, I am not trying to whine, but I don't see any other thing I can do for her - Mom says leave me alone- let me live how I want.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
It sounds like everyone is dropping the ball on this one. The criterion is usually if the house is safe for a person to dwell in. Animal feces and maggot infestation are normally ranked high on the "unsafe list." Doctor saying she is old is a cop out. I assume that your mother lives alone, so there is no one to police her activities. Fifteen cats are too many for anyone, particularly an 80-yo woman. Do the housing codes of where she lives allow for that many animals? I would see about rehoming all but 1 or 2 of them. The cats are probably not healthy. They are probably also not getting medical care. Cats don't like such a disorderly life of pooing wherever. They are just in survival mode. If you can find a way to reduce the number of cats, much of the rest will fall into place. The house won't be so hard to clean.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thanks for the input. The house is safe, bathrooms work, has heat & cooling, operational kitchen. The State, County and local housing codes have no restrictions on numbers of cats, only dogs. I have tried contacting Animal Control about the cats, they say cannot legally enter the home. So I still at a loss.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I think you have tried. And I don't think Mom really wants to live like that, she just wants to be independent more than she wants to accept the help it would take to live decently. You could try getting a roomful of litter boxes going and cleaning them yourself if you are up to the task, and throwing out spoiled food, picking trash twice a week. You could try finding out if Mom's finances are in as bad a shape as her home, photographing conditions at their worst in the home, and trying to get a guardianship via eldercare attorneys if so.

If none of the above is feasible, then she falls between the cracks and you are stuck waiting for something else genuinely bad to happen. It is not your fault.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Thank you vstefans. I do monitor here finances, they are alright, nothing unusual going on. I live 6 hours from her so it is hard to help on the day to day. I guess next time I am there I do need to take photos - just in case they are needed.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

try to trade places in your mind with the old lady . when i get up in the years i dont want some 30 - ish social worker or APS worker yapping in my face about what they think is best for me . your mothers home sounds pretty nasty -- but -- by whos standards ?
a hospice administrator was telling me over the phone one day that she was in a home one time and saw a cockroach . OMG . stop the world in its tracks . entire city blocks have cockroach infestations , she ' d just lived a very sterile and sheltered life .
americas faux economic boom fell on its face . people will be living in all kinds of accomodations that ten years ago society would have been quick to denounce .
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You may be describing my sister, one day. If it is up to me, I will leave it alone. In our case, my sister has always been like that. Just that someone was always around to clean up after her.

I think that you have tried and have done all that you can, unless you think that you can get her declared incompetent, by the courts.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Oh goodness. I agree it is baffling that a place can be too unsanitary for someone to work in but fine for an elderly lady to live in… I suppose it must be all a matter of choice.

I don't want to make your heart sink, but it sounds as if you've done all you can and will now have to do that horrible thing of waiting for a crisis and hoping it isn't a disaster. That, and wear rubber gloves when you visit.

By the way, I do agree with the view that people can live how they like. What I question is whether anyone really *likes* living like that, or just can't help it for one reason or another.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter