I wanted to let everyone know that my husband went in the hospital on Nov 27th and just came home from a rehab skilled nurses faculty a few days ago. He has full cirrhosis and copd with a ambulical arterial aneurism at a 4.7.
So while he was gone, my daughter and I cleaned the house and changed around the furniture, stopped all smoking inside of house and no alcohol at all.
since my husband has been home he was great the first 4 days and yesterday started to get grouchy, and yesterday he did not put his smoking patch on all day, until finally went out to smoke, now he is smoking and started to smoke in the house; I quickly put a stop to that, I don’t want it in the house any longer.
today he has been overly verbally mean, so I just ignore most of it.
I feel like alcohol is around the corner, just praying for it not to be. I love my husband of 34 years married and been together for 37. This is so hard
I have not filed for disability yet, I am not sure which way to go, with ssn disability or with a attorney to help him (lol no money)
hopelessly hopeful
Gina
I am so very sorry for your situation. That is a tough one.
I know someone will be along with some wise words for you, hang in there.
I will keep you in my prayers,
May God help you through this and show you what to do.
Sending you a big hug and a prayer that things work out to your advantage and you find some peace with all that's going on.
I know these are simplistic answers to a very complicated issue. Hugs and serenity for what's coming.
I would suggest that you take a minute to go to soberrecovery.com the family & friends section, lots of great help there.
Take care of you.
You have every right to no longer want smoking or alcohol in the home. He’s struggling. Is there someone that he can speak to? He should not be taking his frustrations out on you but he is. That isn’t fair to you.
You’re going to have to follow your heart and gut on this one. You can’t allow him to destroy you so if you feel like in order for you to live in peace you must leave, then do it.
Have you ever gone to Alcoholic Anonymous. Al Anon, the group targeted for family members? Try it. See what others have done. You may gain insight from their perspective.
However, when a person applies for disability, a huge percentage of SSDI cases are denied.
The details, paperwork, and stress to fight an appeal can take it's toll. I recommend a Social Security Specialist attorney. And it could take time (year).
Specialty disability attorneys take the case without any money, and are paid through SS. The amount they can charge is limited by SS. I believe that they charge nothing if not approved. (however, the applicant pays the disability doctors needed to document the case, plus his doctor's letters and copies of medical records-not a lot of money). He is going to need the income.
You have every reason to be hopeful Gina.
Hope for hubs to reach the end of himself and stop drinking and smoking.
Hope that he can enter a drug and alcohol treatment program, because tell him, YOU JUST DON'T DO GROUCHY.
Hope that attending Alanon can help you understand the disease and how you can cope for yourself. And if it comes to saving yourself how to get support when you need to leave.
Hope that there will be a good life for you whether you stay together or walk alone.
You are in a perfect position to strongly influence him, and the timing is perfect to do so.
Add up the cost of cigarrettes, and secure an equal amount for yourself.
What he spends, you take equal for yourself. This levels the marital finances.
Soon he may understand the cost is not only his health or his life, but financially he cannot survive or support the marriage.
Open your own savings account now.
My nephew was turned down so I had a lawyer for the appeal. He was ok'd on the appeal. He was given a retro payment from the time of his first application. The lawyer was given 15 % of that for his work and nephew got the remainder. I think its now 25%.
You need to get all his doctor's records together. Maybe going back as far as when he was first diagnosis. The application will tell you what is needed and the lawyer can help. Don't wait to apply.
I forgot to clarify when I posted below, that the funds for the lawyer, even though paid through SS, are taken from your husband's benefits.
Another thing: When you are required to appear at the SS Office, to bring the checking account info for automatic deposit (a cancelled/voided check sample), there may be an accrued amount, representing the benefits due since the time of his first application. It is at this time that SS often will not want to give that much money to disabled persons; (Can they responsibly handle that money, or spend it on alcohol?) and SS will want to assign you as "Rep-Payee" on behalf of the beneficiary. You will receive his funds to handle for his benefit, and be required to have a separate account: (payable to wife for husband) and he cannot be allowed to have access to these funds. So the funds will make sure your mortgage or rent are paid, by you managing his benefits.
In California, I am no longer required to fill out a "Rep-Payee Report" once a year for my husband. He has returned to part-time work, but still receives benefits, so I fill out a "Work Activity Report" for SS. He remains disabled for life, but can earn up to a certain amount before they, SS, declare him no longer disabled. (Under the determination that he can or cannot earn a living wage due to his disability.) Just FYI.
Hope this was helpful.
Thanks to JoAnn for explaining that. And, I second JoAnn's advice:
"Don't wait to apply."
You husband is a grown man. He knows that his addictions are going to kill him. You might need to put yourself in that mind set. He is going to do what he wants. Just tell him you love him and you will miss him when he is gone. Your going to stress ur self out trying to change him.
So sorry u need to go thru this.
Then if you could let him smoke but only outside it might be easier. It is asking a great deal of someone to quit both right away. I don't like smoking in the least and find it hard to even be around someone if I smell it on them. I have a very sensitive sense of smell. This being said drinking to excess or at all if an individual is deemed to be an alcoholic is generally worse. It also involves more legal complications. I wish you strength as you cope with this difficult situation in your life.