My 85 year old mother came home from the senior center with a man she wants to date who is only 65, what should I do?

Just letting people know:
When I answer some posters, I have not had time or ability to access their back-stories first.
SO, usually, I post information any number of people might take advantage of.

Picksixer--
----POA is only partial protection.
----A Legal / medical statement of Incompetency is very important,
----filing to block credit-report inquiries, by contacting the 3 main credit reporting agencies.
----Statement filed at her bank to let bank people know that Mom is not competent to make any transactions, and, give bank and her investment manager a copy of your POA .

As others stated, types who prey on confused elders, can get around your POA:
---By taking her to her bank to draw out of the "joint" account and by ---searching for her investments by starting at her bank account,
---or simply, by "harvesting" her jewelry right off her, then it is suddenly "gee we were walking along, and it got lost somewhere".
----he could take her to a Justice of the Peace or City Hall,
or anywhere, and married her
----especially in a joint property State, or even just a different State.
...he'd be able to get his mitts on her estate--or at least 1/2 of it, or whatever he could grab at despite any court actions to put the brakes on his actions. If he takes her over a State line, all sorts of advantages are his [[although, if he's caught at it, that could be a larger liability for him!]] .

WORSE:
IF there is NO document proving her inability to take care of her affairs,
and that she is incompetent to sign legal documents,
ANYONE can take her by the hand, bluff their way into making new documents happen that exclude you and your family.

[[we had something like that happen in our family; it couldn't be reverted to the original will made while she had her mind intact
----all because there was NOT ONE documented mention that her mind was going, or that she was incompetent in any way.
-----What that meant was, no matter how crooked the new lawyer and her brother in law who made revised/new will, the rest of the family, who basically got cut out of the new will, could do very little---except to get the Executorship changed to another relative, and to get the crooked lawyer and his lawyer son reported to CA State Bar Assoc.
--the whole process took over 10 years just to get that much progress.]]

IF an elder is still "getting by", appearing "regular" at least some of the time, she could fool other people into thinking she is fine to sign legal documents.
It is mind-boggling how demented a person can actually be, and still be "assisted" to make a new will, or to sign legal documents!!

LACK of a Judge's or Doctor's statement proving Incompetency, is a significant problem NO POA can help.
As long as NO document proves incompetency to sign legal documents, she could be "Assisted" to sign new documents of all kinds;
---the guy could take her anywhere, find a new lawyer;
---make new POA in his favor,
---does not even need to marrying her,
---and yet take all assets and none of her responsibilities.

Anyone with a POA access to someone's affairs,
can get listings of all accounts and assets from a credit reporting agency. Banks do it all the time: every time someone opens a new account, they pull up all that information.

Kinda guessing, IF he is a threat to her,
he might still be on a fishing expedition to learn what she has,
and how easy it is to get at it.
Simply staging a dinner inviting him,
-- far from your home, public,
and low-class [like McDonald's or something!],
Then have conversations like:
Bring up elder care and retirement issues, in context with the economy.
That usually gets just about everyone excited, and things get said.
He might spill some of his beans, accidentally,
Talk about how financially tough things are for everyone [general terms].
Maybe ask what his religious preferences are, what are his philosophies.
Then, you continue with things like:
"Wow! Elder care can be so expensive and complicated.";
"Mom hasn't been herself for sometime"; and
"We are so blessed mom had foresight to put her legal affairs in tightly controlled order, before they were needed,"

Good luck! Keep us all posted!

Chi

Dear M1953: There have been TV stories describing exactly the scenario your family went through. True, it's too late now for your family to explore any financial recovery, but I hope Picksixer, Concerned 85 and others have a clear picture of what these potential vultures are capable of. If an elder is mentally impaired or even showing signs of poor judgement (they tend to become very trustuing of "kind" strangers and often reveal personal financial info), they set themselves up for scamming. We all need to be very vigilant in this regard to protect them against this. Someone else in this post mentioned diagnosing dementia issues. It's very important that if we suspect this, to talk to our elder's doctor and have cognitive testing done as often as possible, so that medical records document the condition and its progression. I would suggest keeping your own written records as well (dates, situations, descriptions of questionable elder behavior or reasoning). This could be a valuable resource when we need to take action to prevent unscrupulous people from taking advantage of our beloved elders who cannot physically or mentally protect themselves, as well as to get them the professional care they need but may object to, such as home health aides, home nursing, or even recommendation for a nursing home.

Where is pixsixter. I hope she has not been conned by this guy.
She did mention letting him to drive mom?

She no longer is seeing him and we have heard nothing about him for months. Now she sees an older guy about 82 who sits and talks with her at the senior center two or three times a week. He lives close by and appears to be very wealthy.

((((((Picksixer)))))) - glad it is resolved, for now and your mum has a companion.
To anyone going through this - I can speak from both points of view - I am 75 and have had younger men interested in the resources I have, and also younger men who wanted a real relationship, It is wise for you to keep an eye on her companions - wealthy or otherwise. In my experience, someone younger is not necessarily interested in money,though, certainly, some are. I think for your mum's welfare, particularly since she has alz/dementia, you should meet anyone who shows more than a passing interest in her. I shared about my "friends" with my children, and introduced my sig other to them, and found/find their feedback helpful. Hopefully you are clearer now about your role as regards POA, and protecting your mum.

YES! You should definitely intervene. There is a lot of FINANCIAL elder abuse out there. This is a common scam. The scammers "befriends" the seniors, manipulate them into thinking they are in love. Get married, and then transfers all her assets to him/her. You could contact the KEEP-SAFE coalition. This is a non-profit: stands for Keep Every Elder Protected-Stop Abuse and Financial Exploitation.

We just went through this this week. FIL 87 goes to Mc Donalds where he is approached by an 64 yo woman who claims to remember him . He has no recollection, but they chat AND make a DATE! She calls him repeatedly when he gets home, he is all excited (and actually takes a bath and puts on fresh clothes :) ) !! Next day, they meet and she takes him to walmart and has him open a credit card, which of course she can use and buys her a tv. Next day, yesterday, they meet and she asks for cash, he comes home and I overhear a conversation that makes me curious. Start asking questions and he never realized that she opened an account. We were able to shut it down, changed his debit card and then the fun started trying to get the tv back...pure scam, this morning spent trying to fill out a police report. Surprisingly Walmart has been quite helpful. How do you keep them from harm all day when they drive and think they know more than their kids/ Crazy making!

This one is about my mother who is 85 and started dating a 65 year old man - who - has been a friend of my sisters and her husband for 40 years - - in fact he did have a fling with my married sister as he always loved her - but as she was married and didnt want leave her husband of 40 years. she broke it off last year. This 65 year old is now taking my mum out and she stayed at his house vice versa - I am now really concerned. She does not have dementia but is vulnerable...being alone for so long. ..I dont know what to think. I dont like this situation...will he try and embezzle money what are his intentions? I dont trust him for some reason...help