I have two caregivers, one from Monday through Friday and the other on Saturday and Sunday. My mother liked the one during the week more than the one on the weekend. I like both CNAs and think they are wonderful with my parents (my father has dementia and is bedridden and my mother has mobility issues). My mother tells the caregivers to wake my father up to eat or to change him. When they wake him, he becomes angry and lashes out. So it is best to let him wake up naturally. But he may sleep past breakfast or past lunch. The nurse has even told my mother to let him sleep. My mother prods the weekday caregiver to wake him up and my mother is sometimes, no most of the time, not very nice to the caregiver over this. Well, this evening when I went to give my mother her evening medicine she mentioned how she does not like the caregiver because she doesn't do what she asked for my father. I asked my mother does she want to get someone else and she said no. I can't rely on what she says because she switches things around, one week she likes this one and the next week she doesn't. My mother got very angry at me because I told her I don't like to hear negative talk about the caregivers and I will investigate myself. She said I was a bad daughter and exclaimed, I am your mother! Like how dare I disagree with her. She talks to me as if I were a child and does not want to hear anything that is a contrary opinion. I do a tremendous amount for my parents but I find her to be rude. Every single day, either morning or evening, we have some sort of tiff over what has transpired during the day. I believe that the caregivers have a very difficult job and I don't want my mother to be rude to them. How can I handle this? Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.
I agree with above posts, check in with caregivers and get the doctor on board to help dad get rest and the right to wake up happy instead of ole grouchy head.
Then there is how to deal with the anxiety and dissatisfaction your mother seems to be feeling about your father's condition. Perhaps she can't quite shake off the feeling that if he really tried he'd be doing better than he currently is? Perhaps it's that she can't help suspecting that if she were in charge he'd get up when he was told? Perhaps she's afraid of the "slippery slope"?
I also agree that actually the key thing is how the caregivers are handling her crossness. I know it's hard not to feel responsible for your mother's behaviour towards the weekdays lady, but it may be that she's a lot less bothered by it than you are? Don't forget, if she's a veteran of caregiving, she's almost certainly dealt with a lot worse than anything your mother says.
Why does she think you dad should be waked up?
If she is willing to be rude to you, her daughter, it is not hard to imagine her being rude to the hired help. I like Tothill's suggestion for talking to the caregivers directly.
The nurse has said let Dad sleep. Is there a doctor involved. Would that position have more authority with mother? The real goal her is Dad's welfare and comfort, right?
It may be that she complains to you about them, but not directly to the care giver.
Me, I tend to be direct, I would all the care giver up and say Mum is grumbling and as she tends to be disagreeable, you want to make sure the care giver is being treated well while she is in the home. Be sure to reinforce how much you appreciate the care she is providing to your parents and ask her to contact you with any concerns she may have.