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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Frustration hurts me as much as I know it hurts her.
I read a book once about a college professor who got Alzheimer's. She was able to relay her story as it happened. She was aware it was happening. She said that as frustrating as it is for the family when she can not recall a memory or when she is searching for the right words (my mom called Dollar General "Butterscotch" the other day), it is MANY times more frustrating for that dementia patient who is searching in their brain for the memory or the right word ESPECIALLY if they know they are frustrating you.
I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself of that.
I get frustrated with my mom every week. It's hard. It sucks. I keep reminding myself that she would be there for me and handle it with much more grace than I do.
I get in trouble if I forget that my mom has dementia. If I talk and start to converse with her, as I would with anyone else, I take offense that she's just sitting there - seemingly listening. But in reality, she's faking it, and I'm left to feel foolish when she doesn't respond with comments or emotions. I even lost my patience last night as we were eating dinner, and asked why she wasn't responding. She looked at me, eyes confused. She couldn't understand that most people converse during dinner, making it a social experience. Long story short, I dust off my caregiving guide, and lo and behold - it's not uncommon for (even mild) dementia patients to have trouble expressing themselves, in any way shape or form. So, I feel better inside to find the cause, but sad to realize this is the new Mom. It's up to me to change my thinking, Just like when I raised my girls, as a parent I had to change my thinking to keep up with their growing up. And, yes - it must be horrendous to deal with a parent who acts out loudly and maybe cruelly to the family! But - silence is also very upsetting in its own way. That much closer to the final silence.
Muittlou, do not feel guilty, it will eat u up. We recently put my mom in adult foster care and she is happy and my sister and i feel so much better. We had her living with me 9 yrs and sis 5 so it was time for a change. She likes where she is. I hope the best for you.
I'm not trying to be a Debby-downer, but maybe you should be a little relieved she's not demanding, yelling, screaming, falling down all the time...at least not yet, depending on her health status/conditions. Relief caregivers love my mother because they say she's "very easy" to care for compared to other clients. You should definitely get your MIL checked out by a healthcare provider just to rule out depression or early stages of some other illness. As long as her medical needs are being met and she's in a safe environment, this, I feel is the priority. The social needs are up to her, so you may just need to wait it out and see if she'll come around. Was she always behaving this way or it's just been a slow steady decline in talk and in emotion in the last four years? You'll definitely want to mention this to her doctor. In the meantime, you shouldn't feel guilty to enjoy a little peace - before all Hell breaks loose because it can get ugly - quick. There's only so much you/we can do for our loved ones. You just have to accept in your heart that you're doing all you can for her.
izzmir. What does your husband say about it? She is his mother. I don't know what's wrong with her, so I can't say why she won't talk. Many reasons. If you knew why you could help her. Is she mean?
muttilou I think she is passive because she is depressed, the two go hand in hand sometime. I am sorry about your mom, I hope you find someplace for her.
Met to say her muscles aren't working. She's in askilled nursing place but they don't have any long term beds...I am unable to care for her and fell really guilty.
My mom acts the same way. I know she's depressed and have argued with the skilled nursing place she is at that she is depressed. They say no she's too passive. What the heck does that mean. Now they are saying they are releasing her soon and I need to find a skilled nursing place to put her in due to her medical issues. Muscles in esphophes (ms) and stomach. So she can't eat or drink anything. She is hooked up to a j tube in her small intestine. Sounds to me she's depressed.....jmo
See the posts about the dementia clients who get aggressive and violent and count your blessings. Quiet works. No emotion is better than some of the 140 emotions we are capable of..Caregiving is a thankless, constant job. Get some help and appreciation from your spouse and if needed pay for respite care.Take care of yourself.
Yes, we would love to help. Such behaviors can be so frustrating and bring up so many emotions for you. You will get support in this forum from a wide variety of people with different experiences and beliefs so you will fid hjust what you need amongst the responses. Share with us a bit more so that we can.
What is moms physical and mental status, does she have dementia or is she just angry about her situation. A little more back story would be helpful. Great people and advice here but we need some info to go on. Hope to hear from you again.
I didn't get your name, so I shall call you "dear Dear". Dear, I wish I had your email because I understand what's happening to you, and we could talk. Welcome, because everyone here gets it, takea it, and will side with you. It is a great group. I wish you would tell us. Please, how you happen to be saddled with MIL, what you've done, ( about her, and so forth ), and what her trouble seems to be?
Otherwise, I was moved by something the Pope said when hevisited the US : "If you believe, then pray for me. And if you do not, then please wish me well."
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I read a book once about a college professor who got Alzheimer's. She was able to relay her story as it happened. She was aware it was happening. She said that as frustrating as it is for the family when she can not recall a memory or when she is searching for the right words (my mom called Dollar General "Butterscotch" the other day), it is MANY times more frustrating for that dementia patient who is searching in their brain for the memory or the right word ESPECIALLY if they know they are frustrating you.
I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself of that.
I get frustrated with my mom every week. It's hard. It sucks. I keep reminding myself that she would be there for me and handle it with much more grace than I do.
But yet, I still get frustrated to tears.
I even lost my patience last night as we were eating dinner, and asked why she wasn't responding. She looked at me, eyes confused. She couldn't understand that most people converse during dinner, making it a social experience.
Long story short, I dust off my caregiving guide, and lo and behold - it's not uncommon for (even mild) dementia patients to have trouble expressing themselves, in any way shape or form. So, I feel better inside to find the cause,
but sad to realize this is the new Mom. It's up to me to change my thinking, Just like when I raised my girls, as a parent I had to change my thinking to keep up with their growing up.
And, yes - it must be horrendous to deal with a parent who acts out loudly and maybe cruelly to the family! But - silence is also very upsetting in its own way. That much closer to the final silence.
Otherwise, I was moved by something the Pope said when hevisited the US : "If you believe, then pray for me. And if you do not, then please wish me well."