She doesn't want me and my husband to go out . She always want to join us. When we both come home, she will be very rude with me and doesn't have dinner.. When me n my husband talk to each other, she feels neglected and starts her tantrums.... initially when I was newly married , when I spoke to her nicely, she was veryyyy Rude with me and turned her face when I was talking with her.. She pokes her nose in every matter .. I ma a working woman.. She wants me to clean everything onw eekends like windows, refrigerator , everything.... And the way she talks is veryyyy Rude.. She doenst want to go back to her house i.. She is like She will stay with us only.. Pls help me..
I am a widow. I am healthy. There is NO WAY it would be right for me to live in my son's home and make demands and be judgmental. It would not be right for me to be rude to my daughter-in-law whether I lived with her or not.
If you lived in Indiana and not in India I would not hesitate to tell you that your Mother in Law should move out NOW and that if your husband won't arrange that you should think long and hard about whether to stay in that marriage.
But I can't tell you what is "right" in India.
It is not that family don't live with each other here. One son and one step-daughter are living in my house. They pay rent and for food, and that income allows me to afford to continue to keep the house. We respect each other. There are never rude words spoken. We each do the tasks we've agreed to. I clean the windows whenever I think they need cleaning and if one of them doesn't like that they are welcome to clean the windows themselves! :) I "wait on" them for dinner, because providing meals is something they are paying me for. (I love cooking.) I don't wait on them for anything else.
We each go where we want to and when. We tell each other when we will be gone, for meal planning purposes, but I don't expect either of them to take me with them. Nor would I always want them with me! We do things together sometimes because we like to. But just because I am a widow doesn't make them responsible for my entertainment!
I am just trying to explain that the North American attitude is not that different generations of family can't live together. It is that one family member is not expected to wait on others, and in no circumstances (among healthy people) is rudeness acceptable.
(And here, generally for a son to call his mother 3 times a day while he is vacationing with his wife would be considered excessive and maybe not quite healthy. But I have no idea how it is viewed in India.)
You need to have a talk with your husband. It's his mother, his problem. Tell him you're tired from working full-time and you want to spend weekends doing things with him, and not cleaning windows. I'm afraid that if your husband doesn't have your back on this you're going to be in for a rough ride, especially if he won't man up and put his wife and his marriage first.
Ah well, that rules that answer out then.
Joking aside, Riya, how old are you? How long have you been married? And - if you don't mind my asking - was your MIL happy with how you and your husband met and married?
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