My MIL bullies us for her pain meds hours before its time to take them. She's an addict, but I can't make her understand that I'm not torturing her by not giving her the meds when she asks. I have to keep on a schedule. She calls me names and yells at me. Somehow, she finds where I hide them and breaks into them early. She's overdosed three times this year, but she still believes that I'm just withholding her meds to upset her. She also refuses food and water. I told her if she wants the pain meds she has to eat. That got a whole new round of name calling and yelling. I don't know what to do. She won't listen. She tells the people at her church that I withhold her pain meds for no reason and they completely believe her. Even when her doctors tell her she has to eat and she can't have more meds she takes it out on me. I'm so lost.
I don't have great answers, other than to get your MIL into a facility so that professionals can deal with her. If you can't do that, then I'm just here to say I sympathize. It's tough! If you're a caring person, it's hard to watch someone else in pain begging for your intervention.
Is she being seen by folks who specialize in pain management? Are they concerned about addiction? Has she been evaluated for addiction, for cognitive difficulties?
It sounds as though you and she are in a lose/lose situation. She's still in pain and you are close to burning out, as would anyone in this situation.
I'm also curious where your husband is in all this.
You need to go with her back to the pain docs and ask for better solutions. She may need an antidepressant added. She may need accupuncture. She may need mindfulness training. But this situation can't go on.
You say that other than her addiction to pain meds, MIL is fairly healthy.
1) What are the pain meds for? What causes the pain?
2) Why is she on a low-protein diet? Often that is for kidney or liver disease. Is that the case for MIL?
3) Why are you in this caregiving role? Could she live on her own? Aside from the pain meds, can she take care of herself?
4) Where is her son (your husband) in all this?
I've seen a little of pain-pill-addiction behavior, and frankly, no matter how much I loved the person I don't think I could handle it. I have a lot of skills and strengths and competencies, but dealing with someone addicted is not among them.
Sometimes it is just best to admit our own limitations and withdraw from situations we can't handle. If MIL went into drug rehab and got her pain manged better, perhaps then you could handle it. Or maybe you can handle it just fine now -- I just know that I couldn't.
(And I certainly don't mean this in a judgmental way. I am NOT saying MIL is a bad person and I wouldn't want her around. I am just admitting my own limitations in not knowing what to do in this kind of situation.)
Making her eat before she gets pain relief sounds like torture. Why are you doing this to her? Please do not tell us that her doctors tell you to withhold her meds until she eats. I will not believe you. Narcotics are powerful appetite surpressants.
If the time between doses allows the pain to break through, in my opinion, she needs to be re-evaluated by a professional.
I have always taken pain meds with food. If I don't, it causes me stomach pain. I don't know of any other way of taking meds - unless someone tells me otherwise. Motrin - if taken without food - can causes bleeding of the stomach. Yet it doesn't say 'take with food'. It gives you the Option of taking food. When my dad is in pain, I insist he takes some food before taking the Motrin or Tylenol.
Virginia, I've learned now that when I pick up prescriptions for my dad, to ask questions with the pharmacist. I have a list - and ask her. Can he take it with milk? with herbal supplements? with food? without food? etc.... I think you need to contact someone - doctor, nurse, pharmacist for advice.
Dad's appetite has changed. One day he loves this food, the next day, he doesn't. You need to find a variety of food and give tidbits throughout the day. You can do a search on the top right of this page. There have been many questions on how to get a parent to eat when they are not interested in food.
MIL has rickets. After many surgeries on her hips, knees and back, she got staff and lost one of her legs. Her pain is due to a phantom leg and a rod in her back. We live with her because she had no other blood relatives to care for her, she cannot manage her money and because my husband hasn't worked in three years we have no where else to go. She did say she was going to stay in a nursing home once, but checked herself out after about 9 months and stayed with her brother for three weeks before we found out. No one called us; we found out because we called to ask a question about some of her insurance paperwork.
She failed her pill count today with the pain doctor because she managed to break into her medicine while I was out of town. If she misses her pill count again, her pain doctor will drop her.
I appreciate those of you who took the time to read my posts or who tried to help me find some solutions. I will not be posting here anymore. Good-bye.
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