GAinPA Asked March 2019
Mother in memory care unit for three months. They still can’t get her toilet care under control. Am I asking too much?
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Several times a week her sheets are soiled in the a.m. and she will make her bed to cover it up. Since her bowels are fairly regular, I know they are not checking her before she goes to bed in the evening. I am there every day (in the a.m) and I tell them at the desk that she needs a clean pad after I clean her up. They are inconsistent with her showers too. Every week I ask if she has had a shower and they come up with an excuse ( she refused, they don’t know, the evening shift will blame the day shift) When I press, they do it. Am I asking too much and should I just hire a personal care aide to shower her once a week?
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It’s possible that the aides have come to rely on you to be there and clean her up each morning. Even though you may complain about her hygienic care, or lack thereof, you’re back the next day caring for her. You are, for all intents, your mother's uncompensated aide. I know this is a “Cstch-22” because now you feel sure that if you’re not there, Mom will be lying in her own excrement. This is why it’s important to call a conference ASAP.
The situation is that my mother is mobile and can get out of bed on her own and walk to her bathroom as well as complete her hygiene routines If she is prompted. She is not prompted. She is not checked before she goes to bed and she is not bathed on a weekly basis unless I persist. Yes, I will take your advice and request a conference.
Meds and showers have to be recorded. You have a right to see the records and ask why no shower. Check with other facilities and see what the State requires bathing wise.
If she has been there 3 months you should be having a care meeting. Its required in my state. Ask how long are the meetings. If 15 min tell them you need more time.
The answer was ALWAYS pretty much the same ”Im scared, I dont want to get up in the dark, I cant see, theres no light, Im afraid I will fall” some were just plain scared of the dark and felt safe in their bed. It didnt matter that they soiled it, they didn't have to get up in the dark.
My 87 yr old father in law who lives with us keeps a light on in his room at night. Even tho the bathroom is less than 5 feet from his door, he complained that he wanted a hall light, so we got a small nightlight. “No, it has to have more light so I can see to go to the bathroom” as unreasonable to us as it seemed to us because the bathroom is literally right there by his door, we got the bigger nightlight. Then he wanted us to put a light in the bathroom so it wouldnt be dark. He sleeps with the TV on all night too.
Elderly seem to not like the dark. If we go to the store after the sun goes down, my father in law is like “You wont be gone long? You will be right back? Ok make sure you lock the doors”
This big, tall, strong 87 year old man is afraid of the dark and being alone at night.
My point being check her lighting and ask her “Mom, is there enough light for you to go to the bathroom at night? Can you see to get up? Would you like more lighting at night?
Go there at night and turn the lights off and check the lighting in her room. You may be surprised at how she acts when the lights are off.
Also, tell them to MAKE SURE her “call light” is next to her at night. That way she can call them if she wakes up and has to go. She just may want someone to be with her when she gets up to go to the bathroom?
(PS. A bedside commode is also a great idea for at night 👍🏻)
I don't disagree with finding another facility, but, MC units are not common everywhere. I hope they can figure it out and get their act together or you can find alternate care.
My dad was in skilled nursing for rehab. He had LBD and they told us right out that watching him all the time wasn't thier job and if we needed more care and someone to watch him, we would have to hire an independent caregiver. That would be what I would do. Have someone in at what ever time you think best to help take care of her needs. I often wonder what we are paying for in these places. I can understand asst living because the resident is supposed to be able to do basic things. But not memory care and skilled nursing at big $$$$ each month. We are caring for my mom at home and when the time comes plan on hiring full time in home caregiver. I don't trust the facilities. They hire $8 an hour cnas, are understaffed and not equipped to manage the residents they have. Its sad.
Good luck to you!
Please remember that NH and MC are a business. They are there to make money, not to look after your loved ones like at home. If you go into a NH and MC with that in mind, you should be fine.
I live a half a block away, so I have the ability to be there every day. I don’t miss much. I am considering hiring a caregiver to go in once a week to guarantee a shower and entertain her by taking her downstairs to the activities. (The cost per month where she is at is $5,400.00)
Mom has ALZ and Dad is her primary caregiver. Hospice services come in several times a week ( three times weekly for bathing too). The bath care aid also changes the sheets!
It might be worth checking into.
However that doesn't mean that the memory care home she's in now can be slack in their care!
spoke about the difficulty with arranging a bathing schedule as well as a nightly wash up before bedtime. It went well. They took notes and suggested a schedule of getting my mom up earlier to get the bed sorted out and an evening routine to catch her BEFORE she climbs in bed. We shall see. The dated photos seemed to help them understand the problem and give them a heads up that I was serious in working towards a solution.