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She has extremely low sodium which made her body not function well she fell in the kitchen and had open her head 6 stitches. She fell again when my brother took her to the rest room then she had some bleeding in brain. She was in icu for about a week. She is still in the hospital doctors say she fights them not to give medications so she is declining my brother became proxy and told them do what they need to do so she can survive. Doctors wanted to send her to hospice because according to them she tells them no medications however she isnt mentally stable. Surgeons refuse to put a feeding tube because they state she may take it out. However she has an IV she hasn't ripped that off. They want to send her to hospice. I don't understand if she isn't mentally stable why are they letting her make decisions on her own. We explain this to the doctor and he states "well if I tell her I'm going to give her medications and she says no then I wont give to her." I was in shock I told him you stated to us as well as we can obviously see that my mother is not in the right state of mind so why will you not go with the family and give the medications to help my mother (which if they give medications is non life threatening). However they are not giving medications nor feeding tube and hospice isn't an option. Where and how we can help her if they are not doing as we ask they are sentencing my mother to death in something that can easily be helped. We need advice and help please.

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Drs can not make their pts take meds or receive care. Once a pt says no the Dr has no choice but to back off. Do you have a legal document stating that mom is incompetent? There is a big difference between an IV and a feeding tube. Just because your mom has left the IV in doesn't mean she will leave the feeding tube alone. Do you realize that feeding tubes hurt not just while the surgeon puts them in they (feeding tubes) just hurt the whole time they are in, moreover, with a feeding tube your mom will have higher risk for infections, and once they are in it is really hard to have them remove. I have seen people live for many years with no quality of life and in pain.

Where does your mom stand with the brain bleed? Did it heal on its own?

You do have a right to ask for a second opinion in that same hospital.
Does your mom have any other health issues?
How old is she?

I don't think the Drs are sentencing your mom to death...it seems there is something missing or the surgeon is afraid of legal actions being taken against him/her, or the surgeon sees or knows something you don't and he/she is not telling you. I don't have any idea what that would be.

I am sorry if I sound harass. I don't mean too, but I want you to have some idea of what you are asking for.

As always I or anybody else can not Dx or Tx anybody on this forum. All we can do is give advice by which the information is given and based on our own experience.

I am sorry you are having a difficult time.

Best wishes!
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anonymous910844 May 2019
Thank you for advise they finally got well enough to be transported to a rehabilitation center for therapy to walk she is still weak in that aspect. As for the doctors we wanted her doctor which been seeing foe over 25 years to review her records but once we mention attorneys all of a sudden they moved quickly. She had to iv in either hand and they couldn't give her meds threw there they wanted a feeding tube which surgeons refused but however she is well enough to be transferred today to the rehabilitation center from there we set up a temporary assistant living once she go home they will set up a home attendant so i really do appreciate you took the time to give me advice Thank you
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JPerez, are you mom's Medical power of attorney? Does anyone in the family hold that position?

Unless you have legal standing to speak for you mom, the docs have to respect her wishes.

YoU CAN sue for guardianship. Ask the hospital social worker about how to do that.
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anonymous910844 May 2019
THANK YOU BARB she was transfer today to rehabilitate she wasnt walking but she actually sitting uo again thank you so much i have to keep my hope up thank you bless u and yours
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If it is simple to get her to comply, you need to be at her bedside every minute advocating for her.

It is really important to do as much as you can to ensure the best care possible for her.

Hopefully someone has a medical power of attorney and a Durable POA because without those, your mom is still able to make decisions for herself.

You are able to get a second opinion, it is a medical right that we all have. You may have to find the doctor, but ask the patient advocate how to get this done. Every hospital has patient advocates on staff to help with these very situations.

Most important, listen to what they are explaining about her condition and prognosis. Then research what the options are for treatment and prognosis. Ask questions if they say something you don't understand, stay calm and be reasonable, this will get you better assistance, I promise. Approach them with the attitude of, I am confused and I don't understand what is going on with my mom, I need help understanding the situation, please help me understand. People want to help, they don't want to argue and defend what they are saying, listen and then use the internet to find out if there are alternatives.

I am sorry that you are going through this, it is scary and confusing and highly volatile, so deep breath and ask for help in understanding the diagnosis, then you have the ability to research.

Hugs! I pray that your mom pulls through and has quality of life.
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Shell38314 May 2019
Sorry Isthisrealyreal you just made me realize something to Jperez make sure that the Dr speaks in plain english and not medical terminology and talks slow. Drs tend to talk fast because they have other pts to tend to.
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I think there is more going on with Mom than you know or you are saying. A doctor does not recommend Hospice just because she won't agree to medication. You mention no Dementia so how is she mentally unstable. Depression? Not sure that can be considered unstable. How did ur brother get proxy, Mom would have had to give it to him.

You need to find out why the doctor recommended Hospice. Criteria has changed but you still have to have something you are going to eventually die from.
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anonymous910844 May 2019
Thank you for your reaponse there are moments my mother doesnt know where she is sometimes doesnt know who she is let alone her children then next moment she. Remembers sometime accurate stuff. She has very low sodium which affects the brain especially that she has fallen several times and has bled from her brain. Doctors won't give her meds because one claims she is mentally stable which the 3 others have stated she is not mentally stable including social worker. If my mother gets the medication to bring her sodium level up she will survive its not life threatening if she gets the level up and i will never ever put my mother in hopsice i love my mother to put her in hospice. Thanks for your response.
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To the question of can you transfer hospitals. The basic answer is yes...the reality is that if the admitting physician doesn’t agree and sign off....no other doctor will agree to admit her to another hospital. Hospitals are not like hotels...you can only get into a hospital if a doctor admits you. No admitting doctor will knowingly step on the toes (so to speak) of the patients current doctor.
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shad250 May 2019
Which is so stupid.
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Hospice is not a bad thing. Its just a way to keep Mom comfortable in her final days. There are people who would have horrible pain or trouble breathing and Hospice makes sure they don't have these problems. Yes, sometimes the patient is "out of it". But this is because the pain would be too much to bare. So, they "sleep" thru it. Hospice is not a death sentence. Its so people can leave this world peacefully.

Even if Mom is mentally unstable, they cannot force anything on her.

Like I said, a doctor does not recommend Hospice unless he feels its needed.
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Good news! May she recover fully.
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