My mother lives with me in my house. Even though I pay the mortgage and all the bills, I have no say in what goes on in my house. She is 71 years and is reasonably healthy with except of arthritis. The last few years she has become meaner towards me, quick to snipe at me, nothing I say is right, etc. Yet, my alcholic brother (who lived with us for awhile) can do no wrong. She tells him she loves him, never says it to me. I disagree with him, I'm a horrible person who hates him. It's becoming so bad I just stay in my room when I am not at work so I don't have to see her. She even once told me I was around, so I could pay the bills. I'm afraid of what she is going to be like as she gets even older, because I'm to the point I don't want to be around her anymore.
Has your Mom always treated you poorly [dysfunctional parent],
or has that more recently started since she started living in your house? [dementia]
If you supply more than half your Mom's support [money, housing, bills, etc.], you can at least claim her as a dependant for IRS taxes, and possibly for State, which can help alleviate some pressure [but not the emotional damage].
If you are sole caregiver, it is possible in some areas, for you to get named the caregiver, and get paid to do it by the State, which might help financially.
You stated you started hiding in your room to avoid contact with her.
That is a strong sign you are reacting to abusive behaviors she is perpetrating on you!
Document that, EVERY TIME, every statement she makes nasty at you.
If there is physical abuse, call 911, every time, to file a police report.
You do NOT have to hide in your own home, and pay for it.
There are other housing options for your Mom.
If she is destitute, the State can help...
AND, although many States have started going after Estate Recovery from the person who had care in their systems, they cannot go after family for money recovery if it means it would cause you to become destitute.
Anything like that can be contested.
Her words may hurt and cut your Spirit to the quick, but she is likely just doing a very poor job of expressing her own fear and anger at losing her own home, losing her autonomy, and being beholden to you for shelter, food, etc.
It is a terrible sense of loss that, the older people get, the harder it is for them to describe what they are feeling, so they lash out at their caregivers.
But that does not help a caregiver undo the emotional hurting the demented person has caused--those are deep wounds such as only a loved one can deliver!
OTH, if she believes your brother is such a saint, what about her going to live with him?
Get her out of your home to give you a break, allow you to get a life back!
Having her move elsewhere, whether to a facility or to your brother's place, will likley make her dementia worse, fast.
Be prepared for that.
But you absolutely need to get her out of your house, before you become completely unable to cope with breathing!
{{{hugs!}}}
I'm just trying to understand why you pay all the bills. Plus your brother lived with you for a while also. Did he contribute to expenses when he lived with you?
Are you tied to your mom somehow with the ownership of the house. If not, then I think it might be wise to consider a new arrangement. It is your home.
Give us some more information so we can better understand. May I ask how old you are?
Sincere wishes, Cattails.