I wrote what I thought was a brilliant post, and then when swiping down to select a topic, ended up refreshing my phone screen and deleting it! LOL Caring for mom in her home over the past 5 years has taught me how to go with the flow, and be in the moment, so that post was for me - this one is for you all.
5 years ago, we could manage with my caring for her part time, traveling from PA to CA. Starting late Feb 2020, I stayed in PA with her because COVID, and now she's got very little long-term memory and no short term, but is continent, eats well, and walks independently. And fusses with me, which I believe is her favorite hobby now.
I have to return to CA for a week next week, and got a placement for a 3 week respite stay for her in a lovely memory care community that provides all levels of care through hospice; if all goes well, this may become permanent. I've been weeping for the past two weeks, realizing it's up to me and my willingness to let go.
And here's where I'd appreciate a little help if possible: She's going there Sunday afternoon and has a private room with bath. They're providing bed, dresser, night stand, lamp, armchair; we're turning on phone, internet, and cable. I'm bringing clothing, favorite bedding, toiletries, TV, phone (for calling her, she likely won't call out without assistance), webcam, and Echo Show so she and I can video chat. They'll let me come Saturday to start setting up. I'm a little frazzled and feel like I'm forgetting something! What else do I need to provide?
Thanks in advance, and thank you all for your years of advice and encouragement.
Before I moved my dad to a memory care facility, I took him there with me a few of the many times that I was scoping it out and he seemed to enjoy those outings. When I moved him there, I didn't tell him about it and instead just did it. I spent the first night there with him and ate the first couple of meals with him. He transitioned well and became more social than he had been for quite a while. Like your mom, he had no short-term memory and his only long-term memories were from his childhood. I hope your mom's move goes as well as my dad's and it sounds to me like it will. Best wishes to both of you.
My mother also goes through a lot of tissues, so I have her stocked up with them (the MC will only hand out boxes in a pinch). Her beloved face cream, too.......and some photos in frames of her great grandson, too.
Don't worry; your mom will let you know if and what she needs if you did forget something. It's hard to make the transition, so I wish you both well. I truly believe the care my mother gets in her MC is so great that she's alive today at 94.5 because of it. Truly.
I recently lost my mom this April. She lived with us for 15 years and with my brother for about a year and a half. She died in a wonderful hospice house with end stage Parkinson’s disease at age 95. They took excellent care of her.
It is a relief to know that a caring staff will always be on hand to assist your mom. You can visit her and be the lovely daughter that you are without the worries of being ‘on call’ for her needs.
Wishing you and your mom all the best! Keep us posted on how she is settling in. My mom settled into the hospice house better than we expected. She had been praying for a way not to be a burden to us in her final days. I miss her terribly but I am glad that she is at peace and reunited with my father that she dearly loved and missed.
She's eating well, seems to be in pretty good spirits, and participates in activities when given an opportunity; maybe I'm misunderstanding, but it seems like they have to expend extra effort to bring her to the activities in AL - art, music, exercise - that match her capabilities, she's still mobile and lively.
Based on a few things I saw on the cam, I've spoken with the community director to level set and clarify my expectations. For example, one night, no one came to help mom dress for bed and she slept all night in her day clothes. I told the director I understood staff have to also attend to other residents with higher needs, but would like to see better consistency with mom's daytime activities and her bedtime; this was one of their selling points, and why I chose them. I don't know what's normal for family involvement, but I'm happy to speak up if it helps my little mama.
I'm warming to the idea of this becoming permanent. This is the right thing to do at the right time; I just needed the time to adjust. Even if she doesn't get to seated yoga, nature art, and sing along every day, she's safe, clean, well fed, and comfortable. Moreover, I can let go of the 24hr anxiety of trying to keep up with all her needs and keeping her out of harms way (no more stairs!) Overall, I'm so relieved, just overwhelmingly relieved. And grateful.
Thanks again for all your kind words and warm wishes.
I am very happy for you and your mom. She’s safe and you are not experiencing the anxiety that you had. There is an adjustment period. Moving into a new environment can take getting used to but she will settle in and you will become more comfortable with it too.
I think cameras are a big help! Things won’t ever be perfect at her facility but things are never perfect at home either. Continue to be an advocate. I am glad that you don’t expect perfection. It sounds like she is residing in a lovely place with many amenities.