Multigenerational living and anxiety. Any advice?

Thank you all for your advice. The sh$t has really hit the fan the last few days. I started to involve my husband since mom wasn’t hearing me at all, or just doesn’t care. Last week, she stayed at my brother’s to housesit his animals while he’s on vacation. While she was there, I texted her to tell her when she gets home, my husband and I would like to discuss her future plans for different living arrangements, so for her to begin contemplating her next steps and let us know what day is good for her to discuss. (I can’t talk to her in person about this stuff because it would always turn into an argument….Keep in mind, I have mentioned roommate in the past, (she didn’t feel comfortable), low-income years ago (she didn’t want to do that), and we even looked into a trailer home for her. She wrote that off right away without even digging into how much it would be per month.) (She has finally put in applications into a few low-income now, mostly with two-year waits.) She ignored my text completely. Days later, she came home. Hibernated in her room for two days to avoid us and avoid any type of conversation that needed to be had. I asked her why she ignored me and she said because she can’t do a thing about this situation and has no answers. Essentially meaning she’ll be here indefinitely not caring the impact she’s having on the household. I do want to mention that her need for nice things is mostly what got her to this place. She never came to the conclusion that she needed to let go of that mentality. At this point, I felt as if we were enabling her to do nothing all day. She proceeds to tell me she now has a boyfriend and they’re crazy for each other and she’d love her own place so he can visit her, yet she has no answers on how to get that place or even try. (She has told me she hates living with us and wants out too, but yet never makes any real attempts.) Anyway, the boyfriend thing threw me for a loop. She goes to my brothers for a week two towns over and all of the sudden she has a boyfriend? She hasn’t wanted to date for years. I’ve been telling her to just for companionship if anything . It’s online relationship apparently and he lives across the country. Don’t even know if she saw his face other than a picture or how long. About an hour or two after she texted me telling me she has no answers for me, no options, and now a boyfriend, I hear inappropriate phone conversation coming from her bedroom, at 10:30 am, when we’re all home, including my kids whose rooms are right next to hers. That was it for me. The last straw I guess. I felt many emotions but disrespect is one that I continue to feel. She’s at my brother’s now. Now my brother is upset with us. Honestly, all we ever asked of him was to have her over for dinner once a week to get her out of the house and give us space. He never did that in all these years, only when he needed her to watch his animals for something. We never intended on her living with him. My aunt won’t take her animals. She has a large dog and cat. All I know is I couldn’t deal with it anymore. Definitely feel she needs counseling but she is opposed to any of that. She doesn’t particularly like doctors, counselors or any of that. She’s extremely stubborn and difficult to the point that she has boxed herself into a corner. She’ll be living with him in his small twin home.

You have said yourself that she canot find anything.
You have said youreself tha you have tried, and you cannot find her anything.
You have said yourself that she has one available option, and you personally assessed that option as not the best one.

So what, as regards her living situation, precisely, according to YOUR assessments, do you expect either of you to do about that? You want her to obtain a refrigerator box and live on the street? Tell her, and do it, then.

Do you want her to take a room at the No Tell Motel, and never come back? Do that then.
Otherwise, you have already answered your own question(s).

Then you need to assess your view of this entire situation. Is the problem, with her being there, actually yours? Your husband's? A transient issue with a child, who couldn't do some thing that they were not supposed to do, because your mother was present?
You said she stays on the computer all day-ostensibly out of your way, and out of your hair. Perhaps she is keeping herself occupied. So that she is not pestering you. Perhaps she is trying to honor your needs, and stay out of the way and unobtrusive. Why do you think that bothers you?

Some things seem inherently clear here.
1. You appear to be your mother's rock.
2. Apparently, she feels safe with you, and trusts you to have her best interests at heart.
3. When it comes to your mother's care, and safety, and well being, you are the first person-and clearly the ONLY person, to step up. And so-
4. You clearly do care, and it clearly makes a difference to you. And quite clearly, to your mother as well. Or she would be at your aunt's house, with the uncle and his "issues".

So all in all, it seems your problem is that your mother minds her business, tries as best she can to stay out of your way, and fails in every aspect in her attempts to do so.
You object to her computer use. Why? She's getting fired up by current events and they stress you both? You complain that Amazxon is always leaving things at your door. You say she deals with it appropriately, so why is that an issue? You think she needs a hobby or occupation, to give her something productive to do. Why is that? And if it is for good reasons, maybe you can physically take her somewhere, and show her some options. Maybe, just maybe, she does not even know how. Investigate local churches. Shops. Senior centers.

I think you need to assess why all of these picayune and petty things are such huge issues or aggravations to you. I think you need to acknowledge your concerns, and your efforts, to make sure your mother is in a good, safe, living situation. And pat yourself on the back. Take the time to be proud of what you have provided. Your mother, very clearly, depends upon you for the stability that you have literally given her. You, and only you. And she stays there where she knows she is not wanted, nor appreciated, because of that. According to you, yourself, she very clearly has nowhere else to go.
Honestly, I do not care about all of these childish, immature, selfish, narcissistic, antisocial bits of advice and remarks of others. Because that is all they are. If you want your mother out so badly, then put her out. Get her into assisted living. Call adult care at social services and get her someone who can HELP her get out of a situation that you claim you clearly want her out of. Or, just acknowledge the huge effort you have made, and realize that every single aspect of it may not be ideal for her, either. My mother was rotten and mean. She flayed us with switches, and put us out of the house on the morning of our 16th birthdays. She took every single thing she could from us, and gave nothing back but insults and name calling. I would never, ever, leave her homeless and feeling unwanted.
So all in all, I cannot emphathise with your misery. Most particularly after having provided hospice care to several relatives, young and old. So I think you need to either do your business or get off the pot

Amanda2022: Perhaps your mother could rent an apartment with a roommate so that she won't incur the entire rental cost. It is imperative that she move out of your home.

What is your Mom's work experience? Sorry to say that work for seniors are hard to find. Hope she can see a career counselor that perhaps the State can fund. In CA it is called Department of Rehabilitation.

Amanda - I'm really sorry you're going thru this - and I agree with those who suggested that you put your energy into finding options for her to share a house/ apartment - and a roommate situation....until something comes up for her own low income housing (and for her to be on as many wait lists and having applications in as possible in the interim).

The focus is to get her another room to live - out of your house - in as soon as possible. I wouldn't even spend the time trying to accommodate her at your house or trying to make it work for a while - it's too much unnecessary stress.

And in her next abode - even if it's temporary - if she likes being on the computer, there are plenty of remote jobs that she can work from home to get additional income.

Also, plenty of cities have senior community centers and activities thru the day - so she can always have a new social life. But really for now - check websites for room mates and maybe something can open up for a Sept opportunity. If need be, try to come up with an excuse that you'll be needing the extra bedroom she's in for other means - even for your job requirements.

Wishing you all the best ~

I think you need to view this from another perspective. I get having her in your face, is going to make you scream. And you feel you have no privacy. I lived like that, so I get it. I really do.

This suggestion is probably a no go, but can you find a home with a mother in law suit so she has her own suite and privacy? If that is out of the question, then onto plan B. Which could be better!

Since she sounds like she is still able bodied, put her to work! She can now "help" her family she is part of. Now she is a contributing member. She can do laundry for you, or the kids laundry, help put away groceries, change sheets, cook sometimes giving you a break. She can look up preplanned dump meals, which are great by the way. Just dump ingredients in bags and freeze. Then throw in crock pot when you want. An hour of prep and you could have sev meals at the ready. They are so convenient. She can look that info up on youtube, and plan out some freezer meals. The kids can help dump cans in. She can cut up vegs. Making meals is a big task to have a break from sometimes.
She can dust, watch the kids, play a game with them, pull some weeds? (Maybe) Bring in/take out trash can, put recycles out, mop a floor. Help you and the family. You will look at her as a wonderful help, rather than a pain in the butt.

Have mealtimes together. I think that will de-escalate the situation. Cant stress that enuff. No tv. When you see her as a help and not a lump on the couch always there. Always watching. Then you will feel calmer. It will be so much better. You have a help mate.

Maybe she can cook breakfasts? It might make her feel wanted and a contributing member of the family! And make a fuss how wonderful. That was great. What a help you are! I get to ease into my day for work. And enjoy my coffee in peace, without rushing. Mom made the kids lunch. Wow, I get a break. Or she made lunch when school starts. What a help. Thanks mom, you are so helpful. Sure you don't have to praise her, but you want her to continue to help. And i YOU get a break.

Can she take the kids out for a walk? Or have them ride their bikes on the side walk, and her watching them. Maybe the family can take a walk or go to the park. Extra eyes on the kids. Or in the back yard. Eyes on the kids is always good.

My dad stayed with me. He was a lump on the couch 16hrs a day. Tv blaring. I had no privacy. And he expected 3 hot meals a day! He didn't make himself 3 hots at his home. I wanted to scream. I just wasn't used to him being there. The privacy issue that was a huge bone of contention.

So I thought I have to change my mindset. The situation couldnt change. So I made breakfast and he had to come to the table. He wanted to eat every meal in front of tv. He wasnt moving from the couch all day. I said no. We had sandwiches for lunch. Then I cooked dinner, and we ate at the table. We had ACTUAL conversations!!! No tv. And we re-bonded.

Husb and him werent happy at first but too bad. They can tape a show. If the tv is on, no one talks, people get mad they couldn't hear their show because others were talking. Its not bonding with those you love. It's existing. Just having meals at the table de-escalated the situation tremendously, and were actually fun! We had nice evenings, him and my dad bonded, we pre planned meals, I didn't think of him as this lump on the couch any more. We reminisced about different things. Had great conversations. My husb and him talked cars, and guy stuff/work. It was nice. And I stopped feeling he was intruding on my life. It was so much better afterwards. My husb stopped asking when is he leaving. He enjoyed the meal time too.
AND my husb and I went away for a WHOLE week and he stayed and watched the house!!!! I had neighbor girls water my flowers. It was fantastic. So it was a win win.
You have to change your mindset and think of her as the grandma who helps. It's win/win.

I think you need to view this from another perspective. I get having her in your face, is going to make you scream. And you feel you have no privacy. I lived like that, so I get it. I really do.

This suggestion is probably a no go, but can you find a home with a mother in law suit so she has her own suite and privacy? If that is out of the question, which I get that is a huge undertaking and probably is, then onto plan B. Which could be better.

Since she sounds like she is of sound mind, put her to work! She can now "help" her family she is part of. Now she is a contributing member. She can do laundry for you, or the kids laundry, help put away groceries, change sheets, cook sometimes giving you a break. She can look up preplanned dump meals, which are great by the way. Just dump ingredients in bags and freeze. Then throw in crock pot when you want. An hour of prep and you could have sev meals at the ready. They are so convenient. She can look that info up on youtube, and plan out some freezer meals. The kids can help dump cans in. She, can cut up the vegs. Making meals is a big task to have a break from sometimes. Because you freed up an hour or so. She can dust, watch the kids, play a game with them, pull some weeds? (Maybe) Bring in/take out trash can, put recycles out, mop a floor. Help you and the family. You will look at her as a wonderful help, rather than a pain in the butt.

Have mealtimes together. I think that will de-escalate the situation. When you see her as a help and not a lump on the couch or in her chair. Always there. Always watching. Then you will feel calmer. It will be so much better.

Maybe she can cook breakfasts? It might make her feel wanted and a contributing member of the family! And make a fuss how wonderful. That was great. What a help you are! I get to ease into my day for work. And enjoy my coffee in peace, without rushing. Mom made the kids lunch. Wow, I get a break. Or she made lunch when school starts. What a help. Thanks mom, you are so helpful. Sure you don't have to praise her, but you want her to continue to help. And it would be a great help to YOU.

Can she take the kids out for a walk? Or have them ride their bikes on the side walk, and her watching them. Maybe the family can take a walk or go to the park. Extra eyes on the kids. Or in the back yard. Eyes on the kids is always good.

My dad stayed with me. He was a lump on the couch 16hrs a day. Tv blaring. I had no privacy. And he expected 3 hot meals a day! He didn't make himself 3 hots at his home. I wanted to scream. I just wasn't used to him being there. The privacy issue that was a huge bone of contention.

So I thought I have to change my mindset. The situation couldnt change. So I made breakfast and he had to come to the table. He wanted to eat every meal in front of tv. He wasnt moving from the couch all day. I said no. We had sandwiches for lunch. Then I cooked dinner, and we ate at the table. We had ACTUAL conversations!!! No tv.

Husb and him werent happy at first but to bad. They can tape a show. If the tv is on, no one talks, and people get mad they couldn't hear their show because others were talking. Its not bonding with those you love. It's existing. Just having meals at the table de-escalated the situation tremendously, and were actually fun! We had nice evenings, him and my dad bonded, we pre planned meals, I didn't think of him as this lump on the couch any more. We reminisced about different things. Had great conversations. My husb and him talked cars, and guy stuff/work. It was nice. And I stopped feeling he was intruding on my life. It was so much better afterwards. My husb stopped asking when is he leaving. He enjoyed the meal time too.
AND my husb and I went away for a WHOLE week and he stayed and watched the house!!!! I had neighbor girls water my flowers. It was fantastic. So it was a win win.
You have to change your mindset and think of her as the grandma who helps. It's win/win.

Sadly, there is not enough affordable senior housing - it's a nationwide problem. Where can she go, if there's nothing available that she can afford? It sounds like she can still function independently. It would be helpful if she would just go somewhere for several hours a few days a week. Are there any senior centers in your area where she could hang out with others her own age? Would she be interested in volunteering? If all else fails, would it be possible to separate her space from yours to create a little apartment area separate from your space? It might be helpful to connect with a local social worker to discuss your mother's and your options. A social worker may know if there are any communal or intergenerational living arrangements in your area. Good luck!

"She could move in with my aunt (her sister) but my uncle has issues so it’s not the best option." Since you are seemingly her default, that makes it sound like she thinks YOU are the best option. Do Uncle's issues take precedence over yours? At any rate, Aunt and Uncle are a possibility. Is he physically abusive? Why wouldn't this be a "better" option that you are? Sorry if I'm being dense here.

The 'friends' who would judge you for moving mom out are not really friends then, are they?

I could no longer live with my mother than fly to the moon. Too much back history and a lot of it is not good and no 'closure' will ever happen, so it's all on me to sort through, compartmentalize and forgive. I doubt I will live long enough to truly forgive her--but I do work on it.

It's not worth YOUR mental health to be caring for someone who, for all intents and purposes, could be working PT and living independently. I know there are simply not enough low income housing units. But, there are rooms to rent, houses to share with other elders--it doesn't have to be low income housing or NOTHING. Lots of options.

Has she applied for the low income housing? I have a friend who NEEDS to split from her husband. Over 2 years ago she was complaining that the waiting list was 18-24 months long. Instead of applying and waiting it out, she did nothing. She was b$tching about how much she hates him, blah, blah and how she needs to get away--and I told her (not very nicely, I'm not proud to say) "I've known you over 2 years and your story never changes. If you had applied for housing when we first talked about it--you'd have a place by now." She was silent and chastened and I felt bad--but it drives me NUTS when people just sit and complain and complain about something they have the POWER to fix. My friend will NEVER move and will NEVER divorce her husband. In 10 years her story will not change.

Don't let that happen to you, OK?

"Again, I begged my brother (he lives in a small twin with his family) and others to help come up with another solution but no one had answers. "

No one had any answers, and you stepped in the first time. Everyone assumed YOU would be the answer the second time, and so you were.

I wouldn't have begged my brother; I would have simply told him it was his turn and refused to take Mama in again. There will never BE another answer or solution as long as you are the default.

When you agreed to let her try living w you again did you know there was a 2 yr waiting list for the low income apartments she would need?

Shes in her 70’s, definitely she could have something medically or psychologically going on, something I didn’t see mentioned is has she been to a doctor recently for a full evaluation?

I do think it’s completely reasonable to request that as part of her living there she be out for part of the day when your working at home, to give you space you emotionally need, whether it’s attending a drop in program for seniors, visiting a library, etc.

All I can say is WOW!

It sounds like you got some really good answers. Especially like the response about banking the $700 your mom contributes so she will have enough for when you find a place for her to move to because it sounds like she's NEVER going to be the one to find a place. Can she at least in the meantime be helpful with the kids, cooking, cleaning? It seems like she still has all her marbles and is physically healthy. If she is in depression mode, perhaps she can get therapy. It appears she likes her computer. She can do virtual appointments so perhaps that would help her to get her motivation in gear. Not sure how stuck you are in your house since you just got it, but a move to a daughter mother or even a basement may be something that will provide you with the much needed physical and mental space you and your family need. You are not harsh or selfish. NOBODY should be forced to live with family members if they don't have to. Believe me, I get it. Been there, done that. Unfortunately, here I am again. Had to take my mother in (can't even call her MOM any longer because it got to the point that I can't stand her). She too did not plan for retirement. She was still working at 83 for heavens sake! It's ALL she cared about. She lived with my controlling aunt who just wanted her money cause she couldn't afford to live alone and turned my mom into a co-dependent non-thinking creature who depends on others for absolutely everything. Her job ended since the place closed and when it reopened, the owner did not want MOM back because basically, she was just there sweeping, and perhaps had two lady clients left because the owner closed the beautyshop and keep only the barber section. You might guess that my mom us a hairdresser. Was. Doesn't even cut hair right anymore. I walked around like buster Brown for months to give her something to do since she has zero interest in anything. Anyway. She refused to cut men's hair (I'd think that's easier than women) so the owner really was letting her come but really had no use for her and he wasn't the loyal sympathetic sort. Long story short. Her income was $595 when she finally had NO choice but to come live with me, Husband, and don who asked if girlfriend could stay because they both lost their jobs during vivid. In a two bedroom apartment. Talk about cozy, huh? I knew I'd get her eventually so we built a house we could afford but my office closed 3 days before closing and after ALL the work, had to pull out of the deal because now they check income to the DAY so we would have lost our down payment. Ate we having fun yet?? I had convinced her YEARS ago to get her own place in a senior community here where we live which is in AZ and she and rest of family live in NY, which is FINE with me. Found one she could afford. She was excited and put a deposit on a home, which she could travel back and forth for family and of COURSE her precious job making nothing. My $-*×÷ aunt convinced her got was NOT a good investment and NOW my mom has NOTHING and contributes NOTHING and does NOTHING. My aunt got sick so my cousin forced her to leave her house and go live with her. My aunt is an ogre, but at the end of the day. My cousin will sell both my aunt's two houses and her own and they'll all be FINE. And live sepatately. Oh, goodie. Meantime, back at THIS ranch, can no longer afford a home because of Gov and real estate greed and stupid out of state people who were paying WHATEVER and now houses here ate triple same as their states, but newer and cleaner so GOODIE for them too. Worked out for everyone. Except us. My son and gf moved to California and seriously, I did not mind them at ALL. They were a dream. So never see them anymore. My dog died. Loved him. So that's gone. And my mom doesn't like dogs plus she's an idiot rainman amoeba now (and you thought YOU were harsh, HA!) All I can give is solidarity. This one's peeps live to 90+. My sister=dead so it's ME. You have a chance. May take 2 yrs but you could b me

Look for low income places in other areas. Keep expanding the search outward until you have 3 options. If she is in another town, you may feel even more relieved.

Tell mom, together with your spouse…

we are going to tour 3 places - we have appointments this weekend. You can either pick one of them or find something you like better. You need to move out on ——. You will need to rent a truck and I have enlisted family and friends to help so the move will not cost you more,

Look for a subsidized apartment for your mom…get on the list....it is low rent..here where I live it is a beautiful apartment based on 30% of your monthly income..People my own age, activities..a great place to live!! No one REALLY wants to live with their kids!

This will sound harsh, but sometimes giving clear and hard choices is the only option. You and your husband tell her she has 60 days to pack and move; that you'll help her find a room to rent in someone else's home, move in with the sister, etc but 60s is the limit. Save the $700 per month in that time window for movers. Pack all her stuff starting on day 50, obviously personal items last. Hire small, local movers: on day 61 they arrive and take it to her new living place (room and someone else's home -- people do rent out rooms, a storage unit (they do not cost $700 a month), go in w/the sister or your brother, or it all goes to the dump -- her choice.

I feel your pain. I like my privacy, too. It sounds like she's basically being a bad, inconsiderate roommate who's under your feet and doesn't want to follow family rules or be considerate of others. Is family counseling an option at all? She sounds like she has depression, probably feels like a darn loser, and is giving up. Stop thinking of her as your mother, like she's going to yell at you or criticize you, and think of her as any other adult from whom you would expect consideration. Don't whine. Don't plead. Yes, by all means get your husband involved. It sounds like you have a typical crazy lifestyle, and you simply want some privacy. Unfortunately, if her income is so low that she can't afford an apartment, the only other option is to get a roommate. Has that been discussed? It'll supposedly only be until she gets a low income apartment.

I live with my daughter and her family, but I have a small studio apartment over their garage. None of us would survive living in the same building with each other! I often take care of the grand kids (the original reason I came here), the animals when they go on vacation, meet contractors, etc. Would it be possible to isolate your mother's living area, and make a small apartment?

Give mom a date that she has to move out by.
Help her look for senior housing that she can afford. There may be a waiting list so keep that in mind.
If you do not care about the $700 that she is contributing and if you do not need it (I hope you don't since you won't have it when she moves out)take that money and bank it in a separate account and she can use that to finance her move and rent and security deposit if she needs it.
When she has problems again DO NOT let her move in with you again. She will find a place.
If she will not voluntarily move out you may have to go to Court to evict her.

" I begged my brother (he lives in a small twin with his family) and others to help come up with another solution but no one had answers."

This is water under the bridge, but no one had any answers because YOU were the answer the first time and they assumed (rightly so, as it turns out) that you would come to the rescue this time, too.

I am sorry that you are in this situation. I knew that my mother could never live with me. She even said so herself. Society really expects the daughters to be the caregivers, though, don't they?

What I had thought about doing if it looked like I would have to start providing more caregiving to my mother would be to discuss it all with my doctor. If he said my mental health would suffer (and it would have), then I would have put my foot down and refused to do that.

What are your mother's assets? You say she can't afford an apartment, but as someone said there are apartments for share. You will have to force the issue.

How does this sound to you?

Your mother HAS already got an option, which is to move in with her married sister, who it seems is willing for this to happen – perhaps for the financial contribution. Your aunt may even find her company a good idea. It’s not your mother’s ‘best option’, her best option is ‘to live her life with me forever’.

Your uncle has ‘issues’, and SO DO YOU. It’s up to you to push the point – she's 72 and in reasonable health, but doesn’t want to get a job or hobby. You don’t want to share your house. Your house, your call. Get her to her sister's place 'for a trial', and don't take her back. Suggest that she starts researching other options in case it doesn't work out.

I think I would buy a 2nd hand caravan, park it in the garden as my office & move in there..

Seriously though.. if the main problem is your daytime work, what space to you have available? A designated office area? With a door? Set work hours?

What level of care does Mom need in your working hours?
Can she make her own lunch etc?

".. does absolutely nothing but sit around on her computer all day".

I can't follow why this has you so upset to be honest. Sounds like she is keeping out of the way, no?

Or is she constantly interruptioning you? Or reading aloud? Wanting your company?

Many years ago, I found placing my very young children in daycare a day a week very benficial. I had uninterrupted time for chores & later on, more days for work. They had stimulation. Win/win.

Think about your space. How to create more between you.. Can you remove yourself (into a designated office?) Or interest Mom in adult daycare or outside the home activities?

Realistically, what CAN you do? You either find her the new living situation with a roommate or subsidized by you, or you learn to live with her until a low-income unit opens up.

Either way, it's going to fall on you. Your mom doesn't know how to help herself.

I would see if she can get SSI which is a supplimental income. You can go to Social Services and see if they can help her with housing. If she fits the criteria, she maybe able to get Medicaid healthcare for her suppliment to Medicare. In my State Medicaid supplies prescriptions, vision and dental.

In your shoes, firstly I would set a date for mom to be moved out. I really like lealonnie1's roommate idea. Sounds like your mom may be able to navigate a computer well enough to find a roommate situation. If you are told by her or another family member that she has nowhere else to go....remember your house is also nowhere else to go. Stick to the date.

I would secure a few options ..GREAT response from lealonnie 1 ... Seems she will need a roommate...or a room in a house.. with private entrance & bathroom? She won't find it on her own, so seems that will fall on you.. Sorry you are having to deal with this!!! This is why I would never live with my Mom... I tell her we can bring in part time help for her..and Caregivers in time. I know she is lonely but her living with me would be the end of me. My Mom is older at 79 & Borderline & NPD & Early Onset. My Dad passed in Jan. Figure out a solution pronto before it is too late!!!! Can your Mom become a Dog Walker? She needs to do something...

Drastic times call for drastic measures. You tried this on a 'trial' basis and it's not working, so time to GO now mother. I love you, I just can't handle the invasion of privacy.

How about you find her an apartment or house where she's a roommate? I see those ads on Facebook quite often, and other sites where people are looking for a roommate to share expenses in a house. She obviously cannot afford her OWN place, and I would advise you against finding her such a place based on past history. She needs to pay affordable rent for LIFE now, based on her SS income alone, so she's not back on your doorstep again crying poverty.

Here's a link to a site that shows you the 9 Best Roommate Finders on the Web:

https://smartasset.com/mortgage/top-9-best-roommate-finders

You and your husband can go with her to scope the places out to get a feel for them first.

GOOD LUCK!