Must the vet include hie wife as a dependent. She doesn't want to be included and will not see her social security number?

John, welcome to the forum.

What is she afraid of?

Immigration issue?
Past marriage?
Identity theft?
Bigamy?

You should be able to get her SS# from your income taxes.

Are u trying to get Aid and Attendance? This is a good question for the VA rep. You should have a county office. . Not something we as a forum should answer. We are not experts just able to maybe help point u in the right direction.