She can get around the house, most of the time without it, but she has balance problems and dizziness. She hates it because she relates it with being old.
All it will take is for her to have a nasty fall and end up in the hospital and then rehab before she will understand the importance of using her walker. Until then I'm not sure there's much you can do. Sadly, sometimes it takes something bad to happen to someone before they will make the necessary changes to make their life a little better/easier.
FunkyGrandma59, Excellent reply to MissSuzy. For months, I squabbled with both my Mom and Step-Dad about using walkers. I couldn't afford to get the kind with brakes and/or seats, but did get the wheels and slides for the back. I caught my Step-Dad and Mom (even after getting the walkers, doing things without using them. I finally had to warn: "If you fall, I call the EMTs because I can't pick you up without injuring myself. When you go to the hospital, it will be the doctors and social workers who decide IF you get to return home or go into a long-term care facility." It's difficult not to feel guilty making those kind of demands and predictions, but it has to be done to do the "Care for yourself, or you cant care for them". In the end, Dad was falling even using his walker (he passed in February 2022), and since September 2022, Mom fell several times with her walker and "Life Alert". Her falls caused damage to the brain which caused aphasia. In both Mom and Dad's cases, discussions with the social workers and the MDs, resulted in them being placed in Long-term care. I hope MissSuzy can use some of my experience and your advice to make the right choice for her and her Aunt.
MissSuzy, is the walker the type that has no wheels on the front lower section? If so, I can fully understand why so many people refuse to use those types of walkers. One has to lift the front to move about on carpeting, etc.
Once I got my Dad one of those rolling walkers which has hand brakes, 4 wheels, a seat, and a basket, he was so thrilled. He was rolling everywhere, and was so proud of his walker. You'd think I had bought my Dad a Shelby Mustang :)
"This is your walker. This is how to use it." (Play video with Fats Domino song 'I'm Walkin')
Show and tell: A person with casts on arms and legs and a bruised broken nose because he didn't use his walker.
"This color is dirty green. It is the wall color that you will staring at 24/7 in your rehab room after you fall. For six months or more."
"This is a urinal. This is how to use it."
"This color is mellow yellow, the color of urine in your urinal."
"This is your wife, who will be emptying your urinal if she doesn't run off to Maui with the pool boy after you're incontinent because you didn't go to the urinologist to take care of your humongous prostate."
Numbers: "This is the number 1. That is how many bowel movements you should have every day. This is the number 2. That is what we call a bowel movement. This is the number 3. That is how many aides or grown children it will take to clean you after a bowel movement."
"This is the word GONE. That is what your caregiver will be after 6 months of your complaining and swearing and not taking your meds."
The big fancy rollators that you see most people using in public may not be the best for the home because they are often too wide for doorways and halls and can be hard to manoeuvre around furniture. Both my mom and another family member liked the little, light weight two wheeled walker for use at home, I added skis on the back so it glided easily over carpet.
"Gee, Auntie -- how old do you think you'll look in a wheelchair after you fall and can't even rehab to a walker?"
"Gee, Auntie -- I had no idea you were getting older. I never picked up on the gray hair."
"Gee, Auntie -- No one would think you're old if you were independent and tearing around everywhere with a walker, but they would if you were staggering around, falling, or clutching people's arms to keep from falling."
"Gee, Auntie -- 'Old' is not defined by a number nor a piece of medical equipment, but it can be defined by state of mind, stubbornness, irrational behavior, and acting curmudgeonly."
"Gee, Auntie -- I'm with you -- don't use the walker. Fall and break a hip, THEN see how old you feel."
She has Dementia. In her mind she maybe 30 and think she is not old. Plus you can't explain why the need.
Those skis are wonderful. Where I worked we had a bunch of this kind of thing donated. I made sure my uncle and a friend got a pair. Tennis balls too. Tennis balls are good if you have hardwood floors. The walker just slides across the rug. Rolliators are not for everyone. Because of having 4 wheels they can get away from a person. They keep moving but the person isn't. Good for outdoors.
A good friend of mine has to walk with a cane now. She has very stylish canes. She actually started collecting beautiful handmade wood carved canes.
She has fibromyalgia and has found some relief from certain meds. She feels like you, that if she has to rely upon a cane at times, it’s going to be stylish!
My dad also refused to use his walker. It took about 3 falls with one trip to the ER before he decided the walker was a good thing. Your aunt doesn’t want to lose her independence. Let her learn the hard way. You can also request physical therapy for balance exercises after a fall. My dad was lucky. He never broke anything, but because his skin was like crepe paper, he had to have 60 days of wound care each time. He would use his walker following a fall, but then decide at some point, he didn’t need it and fall again. He wouldn’t use his cane either. Some people just never get it. Let your aunt learn the hard way. Sometimes that’s the only way stubborn and prideful people get it.
Have to face the facts of getting older. Ghee, I wonder what it will be like in 13 years when I'm 80? Hope I understand enough sense by then to get a rollator to get myself around, move into a facility and sell the condo for my safety instead of continuing to live alone.
My mom refuses to use hers. She will take a cane when she's out, but it's really not enough. Honestly, I'm just tired of arguing about it. She has neuropathy in both legs and the neurologist has informed her that if she breaks a hip, there is a 50% chance of her dying within 6 months. That didn't change anything so...there she goes, without her walker stumbling all over the place. She also assumes that I will pick her up if she falls. I refuse to. I call EMS to pick her up. I already dislocated my rib years ago picking up my dad from the floor and I have issues with it 10 years after the fact.
The gray aluminum walkers that are given out like candy upon a hospital and/or short-term rehab facility don't do the trick. They usually are too low and the person walks head down, bent over, bad posture and it doesn't glide over a lot of services.
I discovered an UpWalker Lite. My mother uses her gray aluminum walker for the bathroom only at night. I invested in good walking shoes since when the elderly get sick their feet size change. I wish health insurance companies would cover shoes, not the robotic kind but the kind that fit for that particular person, rather than all of the toothpaste, cotton balls, etc.
The UpWalker Lite (for some people) can build inner core strength, help with posture and breathing. It can go to the market, fold down fit in the trunk.
There is also a seat on it. People stop us all the time as ask us, I respond my BMW. They laugh...basically I paid $495 with health insurance reimbursing after 10 months of pleading, begging, letters, email. I just looked it up and it's now $595.
Well worth the money for "our situation". Every person is different. A lot of elderly are on blood thinners so you are right in being concerned about falls. I had my mother have services for p/t and o/t for balance.
The UpWalker Lite looks like a piece of exercise equipment as opposed to medical equipment. My mother uses it out in the hallway and chats with the neighbors.
You are so right! I wish we had known about the UpWalker when my mom first begrudgingly bought her first walker. She bought the cheap one at Walmart and never upgraded. She also never modified the height of the handles so she walked stooped and developed further conditions because of her misuse of the walker. A really good walker, properly fitted, would have cost 10 times as much but would have been 100 times better.
Tell your aunt that if she walks without her walker and falls she's done ! She could be bedridden from the fall and have to use a bed pan for her bathroom functions. On top of that if she then could still be at home it will make life for you 10 times worse.
I am a fairly active and mobile 80-year-old, but sometimes pain or instability make me feel insecure and I am grateful to have a walker to rely on. It is not worth falling and breaking a hip for the sake of false pride.
Getting old is not shameful. Do it as well as you or your aunt are able and do it safely.
Way to go! I also have a walker that I used after a pair of surgeries 6 years ago. My husband and I keep it stored upstairs, out of the way, but readily accessible. When either of us has need of support after a minor injury or during an illness, the walker comes into play again. Why take any chances? We are in our 70's and we have only had to pull the walker out a few times, but we both feel good knowing it is there if we need it.
I can relate! My sweet mom (diagnosed with dementia in 2018) refused to use her doctor recommended walker for MONTHS. We (my Pop and I) decided to keep it with her in the house, even though she refused to use it. It accompanied her when she moved from one activity to another.
Last week, she finally started using it when her fear of falling surpassed her sadness/denial over aging. We also chatted about the walker often, mentioning how much easier it would be to walk if she used the walker.
We were blessed that my mom came around. Normalizing it and watching videos on how to use it may have helped.
In hindsight, I think my mom was hesitant to use it because she wasn't sure she could do it "right". (This is due to her dementia.)
May God bless you with patience and endurance as you care for your aunt.
Telll her a little fib. I was in the same position with my wife. I told her that our med insurànce would drop our coverage if she did not use it. Today she loves the walker.
I'm 82 and I REALLY don't like it when someone tells me constantly what to do and that I HAVE to do something. I'm sure people with dementia don't appreciate it and I am pretty sure none of us would ...would you??? I had a knee replacement (and complications) and I used the walker ...my idea...for support and balance. Using the walker I began to walk with my eyes on the floor ahead of me and bent from the waste. When my GP diagnosed me with a disease with very bent down shoulders...I woke up, threw away the walker and cane, and no longer shuffle my feet. And I now walk straight and tall. I feel 20 years younger and am no longer depressed. (I live alone too.)
While caregivers want ....and should..follow safety guidelines, please don't constantly preach to your person about things like this. Just because we are old doesn't mean we are stupid. We probably lived twice as long as you did..or more...so we have learned and experienced twice as much as you. I guess what I'm trying to say is to treat us "old" people with respect. Treat us as YOU would like to be treated. Please.
I completely agree and absolutely understand what your saying. It can be a real mine field for caregivers of patient's with dementia though as they often don’t remember their limitations. So for someone in their 80’s who has all of their faculties and can weigh the risks and benefits for themselves, make the decision about their own safety reminders are unnecessary but for one that doesn’t remember their decision or the understand the risks to their current health reminders are necessary but still just as annoying. What is one who cares and is responsible for their well being to do?
My 83 year old dad is the same way. He has a balance problem that comes on just sometimes not all the time. I’m not sure he ever used the walker they gave him but he will sometimes use the cane now that he has had some scares. His wife says he couch surfs at home, lol but he does take his cane all the time now, since some scares and was taught how to use it for his particular issue ( he falls backwards not forwards). Might she accept a cane for stability in the house?
I have the same concern with a good friend. I had an extra walker with wheels - which I mentioned to the nurses at the ALF where my friend lives. They all were enthusiastic because she definitely has a challenge when walking. I took it over. It is a storage device now. Every now and then I mention using it to avoid falls, but she doesn't seem interested. It is her choice, of course. The next time I visit, I'm going to grab the walker and bring it home. If she decides she needs one down the road, I will give it to her. In the meantime, there are neighbors who might have a use for it.
Here is a story to tell her: My Dad didn’t use his walker. He fell and broke his hip. Surgery needed with rehab in a nursing home and he became more confused. Came home. PT didn’t work well. Pin in the hip slipped so in constant pain if he moved. Then from couch to wheelchair and back again. While sitting on the couch he said, “Let me get this straight: I have to sit on the couch until I die”. That’s pretty much what happened.
When my mother was still living I took her to lunch with her friends every Tuesday. It was surprising to me how many of them (all in their 80's and 90's) worried about whether they might seem old. My sisters and I had used walkers or wheelchairs at times because of injuries or surgeries and did not feel at all "old" by using them. We were just doing the smart thing to get our lives back in order.
Now I am approaching my mid-seventies and I get it. When you are middle-aged and using a walker, you are still given the respect and privacy accorded adults in our society. As you age, the more signs of age that are visible, the more people treat you with the condescension and lack of respect that most in society display toward the old. It is all too common for the elderly to be treated like children or as though wrinkles and white hair denote an absence of intelligence. It is embarrassing and annoying.
Of course, the answer is not to avoid using a cane, a walker, or whatever appliance is needed to make the "new normal" of life with an older body a bit easier and safer. The answer is to practice comebacks that will set the offender back a bit and give a reminder that we are adults and much more capable in mind than in body. Ageism is often really extreme in our culture. It should be pointed out as such.
You might try to help your aunt understand that she is the same person with or without the walker and it is up to her to stand proud and independent regardless of whether she uses aids or not. There is also the fact that using a good walker--probably a rollator for your aunt--will allow her to do more and stay stronger for longer.
Excellent answer. Ageism is a form of ignorance and I was waiting for some examples of a quip that would not only retaliate but also educate. Thank you for giving us a perspective that I think is far too often overlooked.
Can you present her with some different options other than a standard walker? What about the walkers that help you stand nice and tall, the ones where you rest your elbows on them instead of leaning over to reach down? What about a cane with 4 feet on the bottom of it? Maybe if she feels like she has some options and a say/choice in the matter, she will be more open? If she has a choice in starting with something less than a walker, then it may be an easier transition for her to move to a walker later?
Mom walked with the aluminum walker, since it was lightweight and she could 'lift' it to go over the one 'bump' in her apartment. BUT--she was curved down into a compete "C" shape and stood all of 4' 8" and could not life her head the last 3 years of her life. She had been given 4-5 rounds of physical therapy and as soon as the inhome PT was done, so was she. It was so sad to see her walking, hunched over and slowly disappearing.
My MIL shoves a chair in front of her, b/c a walker makes her look 'old'. Dh gets so frustrated with her b/c she is making it so much more likely she's going to fall.
Both of these women were definitely aware that walking w/o support was/is dangerous for them, but both refuse(d) to do it properly.
My mom has passed, but my MIL continues to shuffle her way through her house by rolling a chair in front of her. DH told her she didn't look OLD, but that she definitely looked 'demented'. Not nice, but accurate.
My mother refused to use the walker. She had many falls. In public, she "propelled" forward and it was sort of a "look out, here comes the old lady" response by folks around her. She was fast! Her housekeeper decorated her walker thinking that might make her use it. Nope.
There is probably nothing you can do to change her mindset.
My mil was the opposite. The walker gave her security and she always used it.
I make sure that I always compliment folks when I see them using a walker. "I'm so glad to see you using your walker. My mother refused and we worried so much about her. I'm sure it gives your family members a bit of peace knowing you use your walker. Good job!"
Well, physical therapy may be the answer for her. If not, purchase all the gear for skateboarding and bring it to her to try on and decide which she would prefer, a walker or all the gear. I use a walker with a seat and a cup holder; it slows me down so that I won't go too fast (which is often the cause of falling). There's a walking cane called, "Hurrycane" to slow him down (https://www.hurrycane.com).
When 80 years old refuse to use her walker, she can loss balance and fall down, because it will prevent her not to fall or to moving around her room, bathroom, or use her toilet. So all you need to do is speak to her doctor if they can help you to advise her, again she feel dizziness and balance problem and refused to used her Zimmer farmer they have described for her, or may be her daughter can explain something to her to understand what she was putting herself to. Only she didn’t had dementia. Matilda
I’m 63 yrs old and have had a Walker for years. Since my first surgery, lumbar fusion, 2010. It’s now 2023 and I’m on my 5th arthritic operation. My left foot. Not using my rolling walker yet, but it’s on my porch. 2 of them. I had two full hip replacements and my right foot too. But my dear, beautiful, mom, severe COPD, etc, balance, oxygen, would not use it. I even rented a wheelchair. We used it once and my mom barely could walk. She passed peacefully Jan. 17, 2021. 😞
Sadly, sometimes it takes something bad to happen to someone before they will make the necessary changes to make their life a little better/easier.
Once I got my Dad one of those rolling walkers which has hand brakes, 4 wheels, a seat, and a basket, he was so thrilled. He was rolling everywhere, and was so proud of his walker. You'd think I had bought my Dad a Shelby Mustang :)
My mom loved that there was storage under the seat of her rolling walker. We called it her trunk. She put her purse in it.
"This is your walker. This is how to use it." (Play video with Fats Domino song 'I'm Walkin')
Show and tell: A person with casts on arms and legs and a bruised broken nose because he didn't use his walker.
"This color is dirty green. It is the wall color that you will staring at 24/7 in your rehab room after you fall. For six months or more."
"This is a urinal. This is how to use it."
"This color is mellow yellow, the color of urine in your urinal."
"This is your wife, who will be emptying your urinal if she doesn't run off to Maui with the pool boy after you're incontinent because you didn't go to the urinologist to take care of your humongous prostate."
Numbers: "This is the number 1. That is how many bowel movements you should have every day. This is the number 2. That is what we call a bowel movement. This is the number 3. That is how many aides or grown children it will take to clean you after a bowel movement."
"This is the word GONE. That is what your caregiver will be after 6 months of your complaining and swearing and not taking your meds."
Etc.
He never moved out of his modest home even after becoming successful.
He was a really sweet guy and it was fun to watch him perform.
Can you explain how you did that? I’m curious.
"Gee, Auntie -- I had no idea you were getting older. I never picked up on the gray hair."
"Gee, Auntie -- No one would think you're old if you were independent and tearing around everywhere with a walker, but they would if you were staggering around, falling, or clutching people's arms to keep from falling."
"Gee, Auntie -- 'Old' is not defined by a number nor a piece of medical equipment, but it can be defined by state of mind, stubbornness, irrational behavior, and acting curmudgeonly."
"Gee, Auntie -- I'm with you -- don't use the walker. Fall and break a hip, THEN see how old you feel."
Feel free to use any of the above.
The right "picture words/phrases can go a long way to helping an elder get the point.
Those skis are wonderful. Where I worked we had a bunch of this kind of thing donated. I made sure my uncle and a friend got a pair. Tennis balls too. Tennis balls are good if you have hardwood floors. The walker just slides across the rug. Rolliators are not for everyone. Because of having 4 wheels they can get away from a person. They keep moving but the person isn't. Good for outdoors.
I'd personally have some 80's bright coloured streamers off the handlebars & spoke lights 😁
A good friend of mine has to walk with a cane now. She has very stylish canes. She actually started collecting beautiful handmade wood carved canes.
She has fibromyalgia and has found some relief from certain meds. She feels like you, that if she has to rely upon a cane at times, it’s going to be stylish!
The gray aluminum walkers that are given out like candy upon a hospital and/or short-term rehab facility don't do the trick. They usually are too low and the person walks head down, bent over, bad posture and it doesn't glide over a lot of services.
I discovered an UpWalker Lite. My mother uses her gray aluminum walker for the bathroom only at night. I invested in good walking shoes since when the elderly get sick their feet size change. I wish health insurance companies would cover shoes, not the robotic kind but the kind that fit for that particular person, rather than all of the toothpaste, cotton balls, etc.
The UpWalker Lite (for some people) can build inner core strength, help with posture and breathing. It can go to the market, fold down fit in the trunk.
There is also a seat on it. People stop us all the time as ask us, I respond my BMW. They laugh...basically I paid $495 with health insurance reimbursing after 10 months of pleading, begging, letters, email. I just looked it up and it's now $595.
Well worth the money for "our situation". Every person is different. A lot of elderly are on blood thinners so you are right in being concerned about falls. I had my mother have services for p/t and o/t for balance.
The UpWalker Lite looks like a piece of exercise equipment as opposed to medical equipment. My mother uses it out in the hallway and chats with the neighbors.
I hope I was of some help.
Getting old is not shameful. Do it as well as you or your aunt are able and do it safely.
Last week, she finally started using it when her fear of falling surpassed her sadness/denial over aging. We also chatted about the walker often, mentioning how much easier it would be to walk if she used the walker.
We were blessed that my mom came around. Normalizing it and watching videos on how to use it may have helped.
In hindsight, I think my mom was hesitant to use it because she wasn't sure she could do it "right". (This is due to her dementia.)
May God bless you with patience and endurance as you care for your aunt.
While caregivers want ....and should..follow safety guidelines, please don't constantly preach to your person about things like this. Just because we are old doesn't mean we are stupid. We probably lived twice as long as you did..or more...so we have learned and experienced twice as much as you. I guess what I'm trying to say is to treat us "old" people with respect. Treat us as YOU would like to be treated. Please.
Now I am approaching my mid-seventies and I get it. When you are middle-aged and using a walker, you are still given the respect and privacy accorded adults in our society. As you age, the more signs of age that are visible, the more people treat you with the condescension and lack of respect that most in society display toward the old. It is all too common for the elderly to be treated like children or as though wrinkles and white hair denote an absence of intelligence. It is embarrassing and annoying.
Of course, the answer is not to avoid using a cane, a walker, or whatever appliance is needed to make the "new normal" of life with an older body a bit easier and safer. The answer is to practice comebacks that will set the offender back a bit and give a reminder that we are adults and much more capable in mind than in body. Ageism is often really extreme in our culture. It should be pointed out as such.
You might try to help your aunt understand that she is the same person with or without the walker and it is up to her to stand proud and independent regardless of whether she uses aids or not. There is also the fact that using a good walker--probably a rollator for your aunt--will allow her to do more and stay stronger for longer.
Thank you for giving us a perspective that I think is far too often overlooked.
If she has a choice in starting with something less than a walker, then it may be an easier transition for her to move to a walker later?
My MIL shoves a chair in front of her, b/c a walker makes her look 'old'. Dh gets so frustrated with her b/c she is making it so much more likely she's going to fall.
Both of these women were definitely aware that walking w/o support was/is dangerous for them, but both refuse(d) to do it properly.
My mom has passed, but my MIL continues to shuffle her way through her house by rolling a chair in front of her. DH told her she didn't look OLD, but that she definitely looked 'demented'. Not nice, but accurate.
There is probably nothing you can do to change her mindset.
My mil was the opposite. The walker gave her security and she always used it.
I make sure that I always compliment folks when I see them using a walker. "I'm so glad to see you using your walker. My mother refused and we worried so much about her. I'm sure it gives your family members a bit of peace knowing you use your walker. Good job!"
Let her choose so that she is in control.
Matilda
Wishing you well.