She can get around the house, most of the time without it, but she has balance problems and dizziness. She hates it because she relates it with being old.
Trekking poles; they are used by hikers; generally look like ski poles, are adjusable, have rubber tips (or without tip are spiky for actual ground traction.) Trekking poles are not canes, are not a walker, but help folks get around as tho 'hiking' wherever they go; of course hands must hold onto them, but they don't look 'old', the look 'active person'! Folks of all ages use walkers after orthopedic surgeries; the trick is to not crumple down in to them (slouching, depending on walker for support) but keeping body upright and walking INTO walker, then lifting or rolling/pushing forward for next step. They are just for balance not a substitute for one's body doing the 'work' of walking. After both hips replaced I can spot a person a mile off using their Grocery Cart as a 'walker' and we joke about it: having that assurance of not falling saves energy for other activities!
My 85 year old mother also refuses to use her walker as she refuses to be associated with "elderly" people. She is in complete denial of her age & decline. Bedazzling her walker in her eyes would only draw more attention to it. Her fear of admitting she is elderly & needs help far exceeds her fear of falling, which she does regularly. I have brought her in home care providers, she dismisses them within a week or two. She has the means to go into assisted living, she refuses. I have come to the conclusion it is her life to live. She has a pendant she can push if she needs it. I have told her if she falls and breaks a hip or worse, she will probably not fully recover. At this point, I am letting her live her life as she sees fit, understanding she is in charge & responsible for her own destiny & mortality. You can't force anyone to do anything, especially when they are cognitively impaired & declining. It is impossible to protect people from themselves. The only option left on the table is a court order taking all control from her by declaring her incompetent. While she struggles with everyday life & tasks, she is still able to participate in some activities using senior services for transportation to church & doctor appointments. She is just well enough to appear in control yet can't balance her checkbook or remember what she had for lunch yesterday. Her doctor of 20 years will in all likelihood support her independence, despite being a fall risk due to balance issues etc. Sometimes, you just have to let go.
Do all you can to prevent her injury or severe illness, because you are the one who will have to deal with it. She won't just fall off the edge of the planet, leaving you free at last. She will fall, get brain damage from a concussion, get kidney damage from lying on the floor for 24 hours, get more brain damage from sedated surgery for broken bone, further delirium from psychiatric meds prescribed in hospital to keep her from trying to climb out of bed. Just one hospital and rehab stay will consume most of your time and energy for months, and her abilities will take a deep, deep dive down. The only good thing about that scenario: from rehab, you can transfer her to a monitored setting such as memory care or assisted living, and she'll probably be too confused to be able to return to her own home.
MissSuzy: This is commonly a real dilemma because the individual requiring the walker is usually an elder and exclaims 'It makes me look old.' I cannot say that I'll jump at the chance to use it when need be. Perhaps a transport walker would work best for your LO.
I’ve now nagged a MIL and a disabled sister through this. I think the quickest way is to make the line real: “It will make you more independent, not less independent”. You need to give her an incentive that is real, immediate, and clear to her. Nagging in the abstract doesn’t help, in my experience that seemed endless.
So take her somewhere she wants to go – shopping (choose the far side of the car park) or to a place with a view just a little way ahead – and say “You aren’t coming with me unless you use your walker”. Then walk away briskly yourself. It’s a risk that she’ll try and fall, but then so is refusing to use a walker.
With MIL, who refused to even look at one, it finally changed when she fell and we hired one “just until you are better”. She found she loved it and we had to buy that particular one from the hire company, as she didn’t want to part with it at all. She could get to the local shop by herself, with lots of rests sitting on the little seat. People stopped to talk to her on the way (Are you OK?), which she got to enjoy quite a lot. And the hire company was delighted, as MIL was 4’10”, this old walker wasn’t height adjustable, and they had very little use for it.
With sister, it changed when the physio said that she had to stay on her feet sometimes to retain any leg strength at all. Her excursions out of the house were in a wheel chair. She walked with a special stick round and round the dining room table, where there was something to grab if she wobbled, until she was totally bored with the view. Half and hour, twice a day! The walker set her a lot more free.
My experience: My Daddy suffered from dizziness - it was from low blood pressure from getting up. This could be Aunties problem. Have you tried a ski pole? I know several people who use ski poles instead of walkers or canes because a: they don't want to look old and b: it has their hand up higher so their body is not hunched over. Also, its a conversation starter! What's the poles for? going skiing? hugs
you can also tell your LO, that bundle of joy also walks around with poles every day!! :)
it's very, very icy, snowy here, everywhere. super dangerous, super easy to fall. everyone of all ages here walks around with poles. even my elderly LOs tell me, before i go out, "don't forget your poles."
Would she do Physical Therapy? I am 88 years old and it is devastating to realize you can't do the things you used to. PT helped me a lot.
If you are talking about one of those walkers that have wheels in front and tennis balls in the back, don't get her one of those ugly Medicare things, I don't think they are user friendly. Just try to carry a cup of hot coffee from the counter to the table using one of those ugly things. They also scream "old, poor, and infirm" Although if she can't use brakes, you can purchase cute feet to take the place of the tennis balls. I have a Drive Nitro rollator it is red and if you look at them you can see the frame is different from the ugly things given out by Medicare. I had mine Pinstriped. I wish I could show you a photo. Get something with a seat, and a removable basket that fits between the bars so she can carry stuff in it.
You have no idea how hard is to admit you are at the end of your life. I backpacked, jumped out of helicopters, fought fire, now I can't stand for more than a few minutes without being in lots of pain. 7 people I know have died since the middle of October, it is hard to admit you are at the end of your life.
If all else fails, you could try taking a video of her when she doesn't know it and show her that any fool can see you are getting old and have a hard time walking. If she is like my mother was, it won't work, but you could try.
For everyone else out there, promise yourself, that when someone suggests you get a walker or cane, do it. It is so easy to be judgemental until it is your turn. When my daughter suggested I get one, I started looking for something that was different from other people, and I did it.
Rollator-style walker. It has 4 rubber tires and it's tall enough so that she doesn't have to stoop over. It has a basket to hold small items, and a fold-down seat if she needs to stop and rest. It goes easily on any surface, even gravel and grass. Less than $200. Hiking poles are also a bit more "fun," or a carved walking stick with a rubber tip on the end.
This was my mother for many years. Sadly it actually took a few falls to convince her. You might try humor or pragmatism. Like, "Mom, not using it and depending on the wall to hold you up doesn't make you look younger, it emphasizes that you have problems. But using the walker, what people will see is a woman who is retaining her independence and ability to get around."
It might also help, as it did finally with my mother, to introduce her to a rollator instead of a traditional walker. It has a bench seat and is very sturdy. I fixed the bench up with a small tray which allows her to ferry things like her morning coffee.
I would have a PT person evaluate her at home. The doctor can prescribe it if you have balance/dizziness concerns. They tell you which walker is best (sometimes the rolling walkers are a fall hazard if it runs away from them. Cognition plays a role in safety. The gray walkers can be fit to her height and you can buy pretty bags to attach for personal items. My mother is reluctant as well, and has fallen and gone to the ER as a result. Sometimes a word from an outside person may help. If not, I finally had to resolve myself that I can't watch her all the time and it will probably take an emergency situation to get her to comply. It happened, hip surgery, AND with dementia she has already forgotten and still sneaks around without it when she can. I give up. Good luck!
This is a common problem with the elderly, and is extremely frustrating! tell her she is old and is going to get older, even more quickly if she falls and breaks a hip!
My Grandmother got a cane by age 80 or so. A lovely stylish one.
My MIL is probably on the cusp of needing a cane or a walker soon - not ready to discuss yet. (I suspect a little of that not wanting to look old etc..)
Do people think they look YOUNGER when groping along inside their home, clutching at their furniture & walls? 😉
I suppose you could look babyishly young if crawling around as walking become so unsteady 🤪
I'd recommend discussing with her medical provider. It could be a sign (additional) of depression and 'giving up.' She is likely depressed, overwhelmed, tired, along with the balance and dizziness. * You may or may not be able to talk 'common sense.' - Try reflective listening: "I understand you feel xxx" - there is no judgment in this way of communicating. It is pure listening, giving her the space to get her feelings out. * Ultimately, it is up to her. If she feels there is a reason to live and be safe, she will use a walker, even if she doesn't want to. She has to have that Will to live. And, that is hard as a person ages with deteriorating health. (Its hard for all of us.) * Perhaps she needs more company? companionship? socialization? If she is dealing with these disabilities and doesn't have enough support, she may just give up.
* Do be compassionate. Some people responding on this site are like drill sergeants, lacking the needed component of listening and showing / being compassionate. Most people want to be heard and cared about - from there, change could happen (more so than without these qualities).
Bedazzling her walker in her eyes would only draw more attention to it. Her fear of admitting she is elderly & needs help far exceeds her fear of falling, which she does regularly. I have brought her in home care providers, she dismisses them within a week or two. She has the means to go into assisted living, she refuses.
I have come to the conclusion it is her life to live. She has a pendant she can push if she needs it. I have told her if she falls and breaks a hip or worse, she will probably not fully recover. At this point, I am letting her live her life as she sees fit, understanding she is in charge & responsible for her own destiny & mortality. You can't force anyone to do anything, especially when they are cognitively impaired & declining. It is impossible to protect people from themselves. The only option left on the table is a court order taking all control from her by declaring her incompetent. While she struggles with everyday life & tasks, she is still able to participate in some activities using senior services for transportation to church & doctor appointments. She is just well enough to appear in control yet can't balance her checkbook or remember what she had for lunch yesterday. Her doctor of 20 years will in all likelihood support her independence, despite being a fall risk due to balance issues etc.
Sometimes, you just have to let go.
So take her somewhere she wants to go – shopping (choose the far side of the car park) or to a place with a view just a little way ahead – and say “You aren’t coming with me unless you use your walker”. Then walk away briskly yourself. It’s a risk that she’ll try and fall, but then so is refusing to use a walker.
With MIL, who refused to even look at one, it finally changed when she fell and we hired one “just until you are better”. She found she loved it and we had to buy that particular one from the hire company, as she didn’t want to part with it at all. She could get to the local shop by herself, with lots of rests sitting on the little seat. People stopped to talk to her on the way (Are you OK?), which she got to enjoy quite a lot. And the hire company was delighted, as MIL was 4’10”, this old walker wasn’t height adjustable, and they had very little use for it.
With sister, it changed when the physio said that she had to stay on her feet sometimes to retain any leg strength at all. Her excursions out of the house were in a wheel chair. She walked with a special stick round and round the dining room table, where there was something to grab if she wobbled, until she was totally bored with the view. Half and hour, twice a day! The walker set her a lot more free.
it's very, very icy, snowy here, everywhere. super dangerous, super easy to fall. everyone of all ages here walks around with poles. even my elderly LOs tell me, before i go out, "don't forget your poles."
i even have spikes on the soles of my shoes.
so OP, tell your aunt about that! :)
If you are talking about one of those walkers that have wheels in front and tennis balls in the back, don't get her one of those ugly Medicare things, I don't think they are user friendly. Just try to carry a cup of hot coffee from the counter to the table using one of those ugly things. They also scream "old, poor, and infirm" Although if she can't use brakes, you can purchase cute feet to take the place of the tennis balls. I have a Drive Nitro rollator it is red and if you look at them you can see the frame is different from the ugly things given out by Medicare. I had mine Pinstriped. I wish I could show you a photo. Get something with a seat, and a removable basket that fits between the bars so she can carry stuff in it.
You have no idea how hard is to admit you are at the end of your life. I backpacked, jumped out of helicopters, fought fire, now I can't stand for more than a few minutes without being in lots of pain. 7 people I know have died since the middle of October, it is hard to admit you are at the end of your life.
If all else fails, you could try taking a video of her when she doesn't know it and show her that any fool can see you are getting old and have a hard time walking. If she is like my mother was, it won't work, but you could try.
For everyone else out there, promise yourself, that when someone suggests you get a walker or cane, do it. It is so easy to be judgemental until it is your turn.
When my daughter suggested I get one, I started looking for something that was different from other people, and I did it.
It might also help, as it did finally with my mother, to introduce her to a rollator instead of a traditional walker. It has a bench seat and is very sturdy. I fixed the bench up with a small tray which allows her to ferry things like her morning coffee.
tell her she is old and is going to get older, even more quickly if she falls and breaks a hip!
My MIL is probably on the cusp of needing a cane or a walker soon - not ready to discuss yet. (I suspect a little of that not wanting to look old etc..)
Do people think they look YOUNGER when groping along inside their home, clutching at their furniture & walls?
😉
I suppose you could look babyishly young if crawling around as walking become so unsteady 🤪
It could be a sign (additional) of depression and 'giving up.'
She is likely depressed, overwhelmed, tired, along with the balance and dizziness.
* You may or may not be able to talk 'common sense.'
- Try reflective listening: "I understand you feel xxx" - there is no judgment in this way of communicating. It is pure listening, giving her the space to get her feelings out.
* Ultimately, it is up to her. If she feels there is a reason to live and be safe, she will use a walker, even if she doesn't want to.
She has to have that Will to live. And, that is hard as a person ages with deteriorating health. (Its hard for all of us.)
* Perhaps she needs more company? companionship? socialization? If she is dealing with these disabilities and doesn't have enough support, she may just give up.
* Do be compassionate. Some people responding on this site are like drill sergeants, lacking the needed component of listening and showing / being compassionate. Most people want to be heard and cared about - from there, change could happen (more so than without these qualities).
Gena / Touch Matters