We have a handwritten/verbal agreement in which he gifts me $5,600.00 a month for sacrificing my job and living space to move in and take care of him. I’ve done this for 6 months straight with 16 hours off. I’m burnt out and frustrated due to his condition deteriorating rapidly and growing needs. He has been assessed to have severe dementia. I can’t continue to be his care giver 24/7. He has a lot of money in the bank that is POD to my sister and me. He owns his home and as far as I know has done nothing with it other than say 50/50 to my sister and I. I don’t have the desire to be POA nor does my sister. How can I get help with his care? I feel like a zombie! He doesn’t qualify for programs because he has too much money and owns his home. Can he sign a contract for his care? He was present during HC agency visit and he expressed being ok I get help. All his monthly bills are auto paid, groceries using his debit card with permission and gifted using Zelle transfer.
He can sign a contract and that done by an attorney if he is able to pass the attorney's exam showing he is competent enough to make this decision for himself.
The truth is, however, that he is very unlikely then to be able to go on Medicaid when/if it is needed and pass the lookback period. The severe dementia would likely make Medicaid decide that you were "gifted this money" by someone no longer capable of making that decision and understanding the repercussions.
In my humble opinion your father should now enter care, be self paying until his money is gone and then go on governmental assistance. You should get your own job and live your own life in your own home.
It's too late now for POA. That can't be done ever again. So you would be looking at guardianship. I would advise against that because if you ever wanted to resign from it no court would allow it. I would have the state appoint their own guardianship and fiduciary to manage your Dad's assets.
Waiting too long to address these things looks like this. And it's not a good look. You can't really sacrifice your own life, job, job history and home to do 24/7 which will get increasingly more difficult. What if something happens to YOU? Then you and Dad are both up the creek.
This is looking like bad decision making. However, you as an adult, once you consult with say an elder law attorney, are free, knowing everything to be known, to make the decision you feel best for your father and yourself. I wish you good luck.
I'm guessing he doesn't want to go into any facility, and to stay home to the end. At 93 with severe dementia, he may not live much longer. He has had a long (and successful) life, which is impressive.
Other options would be getting him qualified for Hospice. They send help maybe twice a week for bathing, light cleaning, covered by Medicare. Does Dad know you are already burned out? He could go on another 6 months, or even several years.
Otherwise, you need to pay outside caregiver help, to give you several days off a week. If you want to stop the hands on caregiving entirely, Dad will need full time care and your $5,600 monthly "gift" will be gone. So will most of his money.
Others will have better advice.