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Her house was recently sold and he stated he would put the personal items in storage in KY until after her death. My sister insisted he move it to Oklahoma where they live. Can she keep calling the shots although he is PoA?
'Backseat Driver' was a term used in my family to describe interfering by someone who lacked the authority. The reply (said in humour) would be 'Are you driving? No. Then belt up & shut up!'
I suppose each challenge/request made by the sister needs to be looked at case by case. Maybe some are a good idea no-one thought of? Or maybe a very minor thing - no matter to change?
But if this is a pattern of manipulation - to always be in power, feel important & be in charge - he will need to build strategies. Either to directly speak up & decline the suggestions as required - or quietly rebel & ignore them.
If he is weak and easily influenced yes. Sometimes the best person is not selected to make these important decisions, most likely he was chosen because he is a boy.
Old mindset applied here, woman serves, man makes the decisions, even f he is not qualified to do so.
Nothing you can do, sometimes acceptance is the best answer.
obviously she can. You state that she can influence him to change his mind. To me that means that he is either afraid of her and is afraid of repercussions if he does not do what she wants him to do. OR He is so unsure of himself that he relies on others to make up his mind for him. Does she do this with all other aspects of his life?
If you do not think he is doing what he should be doing. If you think he is making poor decisions you could go to court and TRY to obtain Guardianship. This will be difficult if the court does not think that what he is doing is not in mom's best interest. AND do you want Guardianship? Difficult, can be time consuming and sometimes expensive. And it will place a deeper rift in your relationship with your brother. Does it really matter where things are stored? And personal opinion items that are in storage often are ruined due to poor storage conditions so if there is anything of value it should be sold if no one wants it and the money used for mom's care. If a family member wants an item it can be purchased or kept for safekeeping and then when property is divided it can be part of that persons inheritance or it can be discussed at that time. I just can not see paying for storage of a lot of items that no one really wants. You pay each month storage fees, and at this point those storage fees would be paid for by mom further eating into her assets.
You make a good point about storage fees. Of course, their mother's property cannot be distributed until she dies, even those items without a lot of monetary value. And the only way that the brother can sell any of her property, even and especially to a family member, is if it is in her best interests, e.g., she needs money for assisted living/nursing home expenses. As the POA agent, he cannot give away any of her property or sell any items for less than value. If the mother has a will, she has designated beneficiaries whom she has directed her executor to distribute her assets. If she does not have a will, state law dictates how heirs receive her assets. However, one could argue as you have that if the cost of storage outstrips the value of the mother's property it may be in the mother's best interests to liquidate it.
"My brother is POA over our mother." A POA agent's power is never "over" the principal -- the maker of the POA document. The agent acts in service of the principal's best interests only.
This is incredibly important: A financial power of attorney agent is a legal fiduciary. Central to this is that the POA agent CAN ONLY act in the best interests of the principal, here being your mother. In addition, the agent must follow the terms stated in the POA document. (As an aside, in some states, the POA document requires that the power to sell real estate must be a power included in the document.)
As the agent, your brother is responsible to store the furniture in the best place, whether it's in Kentucky or Oklahoma. There also will be a cost to move it, which will be paid out of the POA account, so there is a question there whether spending that money is in your mother's best interests.
I don't see any problem with your sister helping your brother make decisions in your mother's best interests, but she does not have the power to tell your brother what to do, make these decisions herself, or interfere with your brother's execution of his fiduciary duties.
Since this is a family struggle, I recommend that you consider seeking out an experienced facilitative mediator who understands family dynamics and estate planning. All of you voluntarily sit down with the mediator, who helps to shape and guide the conversation about these issues. This will give you a chance to air your concerns and for your sister and brother to voice where they are coming from. Any agreement you come to cannot change your brother's fiduciary duty to your mother, but mediation may help quell the tension.
Your brother is the POA. He can act in any way he chooses according to the rules of his POA document. And whomever he is influenced by, so be it. No one negotiates the world without discussing these things with folks, and we are influenced by people whose opinions we respect and trust. In short, nothing you can do about any of this. I assume he understands his fiduciary duty of keepiing track of every penny in and every penny out of the person's accounts he is acting for. If you suspect fraud take your evidence to an attorney or to APS.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I suppose each challenge/request made by the sister needs to be looked at case by case. Maybe some are a good idea no-one thought of? Or maybe a very minor thing - no matter to change?
But if this is a pattern of manipulation - to always be in power, feel important & be in charge - he will need to build strategies. Either to directly speak up & decline the suggestions as required - or quietly rebel & ignore them.
And.he does not have POA over mom. He is POA for her and should do as mom would do.
He may need a nudge now & then to remind him who he is 'working' for.
Old mindset applied here, woman serves, man makes the decisions, even f he is not qualified to do so.
Nothing you can do, sometimes acceptance is the best answer.
The man makes the decisions. The man is the head of the houshold - but the woman is the neck. It is she who turns the head! 😆
You state that she can influence him to change his mind. To me that means that he is either afraid of her and is afraid of repercussions if he does not do what she wants him to do.
OR
He is so unsure of himself that he relies on others to make up his mind for him.
Does she do this with all other aspects of his life?
If you do not think he is doing what he should be doing. If you think he is making poor decisions you could go to court and TRY to obtain Guardianship. This will be difficult if the court does not think that what he is doing is not in mom's best interest.
AND do you want Guardianship? Difficult, can be time consuming and sometimes expensive. And it will place a deeper rift in your relationship with your brother.
Does it really matter where things are stored? And personal opinion items that are in storage often are ruined due to poor storage conditions so if there is anything of value it should be sold if no one wants it and the money used for mom's care. If a family member wants an item it can be purchased or kept for safekeeping and then when property is divided it can be part of that persons inheritance or it can be discussed at that time.
I just can not see paying for storage of a lot of items that no one really wants. You pay each month storage fees, and at this point those storage fees would be paid for by mom further eating into her assets.
This is incredibly important: A financial power of attorney agent is a legal fiduciary. Central to this is that the POA agent CAN ONLY act in the best interests of the principal, here being your mother. In addition, the agent must follow the terms stated in the POA document. (As an aside, in some states, the POA document requires that the power to sell real estate must be a power included in the document.)
As the agent, your brother is responsible to store the furniture in the best place, whether it's in Kentucky or Oklahoma. There also will be a cost to move it, which will be paid out of the POA account, so there is a question there whether spending that money is in your mother's best interests.
I don't see any problem with your sister helping your brother make decisions in your mother's best interests, but she does not have the power to tell your brother what to do, make these decisions herself, or interfere with your brother's execution of his fiduciary duties.
Since this is a family struggle, I recommend that you consider seeking out an experienced facilitative mediator who understands family dynamics and estate planning. All of you voluntarily sit down with the mediator, who helps to shape and guide the conversation about these issues. This will give you a chance to air your concerns and for your sister and brother to voice where they are coming from. Any agreement you come to cannot change your brother's fiduciary duty to your mother, but mediation may help quell the tension.
Big shudders 😱
In short, nothing you can do about any of this. I assume he understands his fiduciary duty of keepiing track of every penny in and every penny out of the person's accounts he is acting for. If you suspect fraud take your evidence to an attorney or to APS.