Her house was recently sold and he stated he would put the personal items in storage in KY until after her death. My sister insisted he move it to Oklahoma where they live. Can she keep calling the shots although he is PoA?
The hard part is over.
I'm matching you with one of our specialists who will be calling you in the next few minutes.
I suppose each challenge/request made by the sister needs to be looked at case by case. Maybe some are a good idea no-one thought of? Or maybe a very minor thing - no matter to change?
But if this is a pattern of manipulation - to always be in power, feel important & be in charge - he will need to build strategies. Either to directly speak up & decline the suggestions as required - or quietly rebel & ignore them.
And.he does not have POA over mom. He is POA for her and should do as mom would do.
He may need a nudge now & then to remind him who he is 'working' for.
Old mindset applied here, woman serves, man makes the decisions, even f he is not qualified to do so.
Nothing you can do, sometimes acceptance is the best answer.
The man makes the decisions. The man is the head of the houshold - but the woman is the neck. It is she who turns the head! 😆
You state that she can influence him to change his mind. To me that means that he is either afraid of her and is afraid of repercussions if he does not do what she wants him to do.
He is so unsure of himself that he relies on others to make up his mind for him.
Does she do this with all other aspects of his life?
If you do not think he is doing what he should be doing. If you think he is making poor decisions you could go to court and TRY to obtain Guardianship. This will be difficult if the court does not think that what he is doing is not in mom's best interest.
AND do you want Guardianship? Difficult, can be time consuming and sometimes expensive. And it will place a deeper rift in your relationship with your brother.
Does it really matter where things are stored? And personal opinion items that are in storage often are ruined due to poor storage conditions so if there is anything of value it should be sold if no one wants it and the money used for mom's care. If a family member wants an item it can be purchased or kept for safekeeping and then when property is divided it can be part of that persons inheritance or it can be discussed at that time.
I just can not see paying for storage of a lot of items that no one really wants. You pay each month storage fees, and at this point those storage fees would be paid for by mom further eating into her assets.
This is incredibly important: A financial power of attorney agent is a legal fiduciary. Central to this is that the POA agent CAN ONLY act in the best interests of the principal, here being your mother. In addition, the agent must follow the terms stated in the POA document. (As an aside, in some states, the POA document requires that the power to sell real estate must be a power included in the document.)
As the agent, your brother is responsible to store the furniture in the best place, whether it's in Kentucky or Oklahoma. There also will be a cost to move it, which will be paid out of the POA account, so there is a question there whether spending that money is in your mother's best interests.
I don't see any problem with your sister helping your brother make decisions in your mother's best interests, but she does not have the power to tell your brother what to do, make these decisions herself, or interfere with your brother's execution of his fiduciary duties.
Since this is a family struggle, I recommend that you consider seeking out an experienced facilitative mediator who understands family dynamics and estate planning. All of you voluntarily sit down with the mediator, who helps to shape and guide the conversation about these issues. This will give you a chance to air your concerns and for your sister and brother to voice where they are coming from. Any agreement you come to cannot change your brother's fiduciary duty to your mother, but mediation may help quell the tension.
Big shudders 😱
In short, nothing you can do about any of this. I assume he understands his fiduciary duty of keepiing track of every penny in and every penny out of the person's accounts he is acting for. If you suspect fraud take your evidence to an attorney or to APS.