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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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That seems to be one assumption the OP has made. I don't think it's a very helpful one; and since we know absolutely zip about the brother except that he isn't the primary caregiver it may a grossly unfair one, too.
If your caregiving sibling told you nothing about what was happening, asked for nothing and/but silently resented your lack of support, and blamed you for taking no part in your mother's care, what would you do?
Candy, try to put this in a positive spin, at least to draw out how much he might do. Has he EVER refused to do anything you ask, or to provide help?
You don't mention having discussed care issues with him. But since you "do everything", make a list of what you do, check off items you think he could do, and/or other ways in which he could be helpful, and ask him to review the list and let you know when he can start sharing in her care.
There's not much more information on which to make conclusions on your situation, but if there's a possibility you can turn this in a win-win situation for both of you, definitely do so.
How long have you been caring for her? Have you experienced burn-out yet? W/o being dismal or negative, you will at some point. And if he's been shut out, on whom will you rely?
And both of you should be aware that if a judge sees friction, neither of you may end up with guardianship; the court may appoint someone, such as an attorney, and you can expect to see the funds diminish quickly. Attorneys will bill at hourly rates that will blow your mind.
Sit down with brother and try to work this out, and especially find out how he feels. He may even think you're deliberately doing all the work yourself and shutting him out.
And try to think in terms of sharing, and why in fact you should be the only one doing all the work.
We honestly don't have any information here, so difficult to have any input. 1. Are you currently the POA? 2. Have you kept excellent records, diaries, anything else? 3. Do you over all get along with your brother? 4. What do you fear if your brother serves along with you? Overall I feel that it is problematic to have two people because no two people can agree on any issue EVER, let alone in this instance. It you are currently serving and if you do not get along with your brother or suspect he may have ulterior motives it is best to just appear on summons with all your records, prove that you are excellent POA (if you ARE the current POA). Of course you will need an elder law attorney. If you are going to DEFEND A POSITION SHE APPOINTED to you, I believe her estate will pay your defense cost, but I am no lawyer and that is only opinion. I am afraid you now need to see an elder law attorney. It will be an expensive hour but you need these basic questions answered. If you are able to come back and give us more information we may be able to help more.
I agree with: - need more info from you per other's requests below (who has PoA, etc) - transparency in communication is essential and helps the caregiver in many ways as well as the care receiver
Do you currently have any sort of Power of Attorney for your mother?
It is not unreasonable for the non-caregiving sibling to want to be involved in your mother's care, even if he is not the one actually doing it. It's all about communication, and about agreeing how decisions you have to make for your mother can be made together.
If your mother didn't create any POAs before, and her money needs to be managed or she might need memory care and important legal decisions have to be made for her, then applying for guardianship might be the right way to go. And if your brother is suggesting a joint guardianship, shared by both of you, then it doesn't sound as if he wants to fight you - he wants to be included.
What's your relationship with your brother been like over the years?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If your caregiving sibling told you nothing about what was happening, asked for nothing and/but silently resented your lack of support, and blamed you for taking no part in your mother's care, what would you do?
You don't mention having discussed care issues with him. But since you "do everything", make a list of what you do, check off items you think he could do, and/or other ways in which he could be helpful, and ask him to review the list and let you know when he can start sharing in her care.
There's not much more information on which to make conclusions on your situation, but if there's a possibility you can turn this in a win-win situation for both of you, definitely do so.
How long have you been caring for her? Have you experienced burn-out yet? W/o being dismal or negative, you will at some point. And if he's been shut out, on whom will you rely?
And both of you should be aware that if a judge sees friction, neither of you may end up with guardianship; the court may appoint someone, such as an attorney, and you can expect to see the funds diminish quickly. Attorneys will bill at hourly rates that will blow your mind.
Sit down with brother and try to work this out, and especially find out how he feels. He may even think you're deliberately doing all the work yourself and shutting him out.
And try to think in terms of sharing, and why in fact you should be the only one doing all the work.
Overall I feel that it is problematic to have two people because no two people can agree on any issue EVER, let alone in this instance.
It you are currently serving and if you do not get along with your brother or suspect he may have ulterior motives it is best to just appear on summons with all your records, prove that you are excellent POA (if you ARE the current POA). Of course you will need an elder law attorney. If you are going to DEFEND A POSITION SHE APPOINTED to you, I believe her estate will pay your defense cost, but I am no lawyer and that is only opinion. I am afraid you now need to see an elder law attorney. It will be an expensive hour but you need these basic questions answered. If you are able to come back and give us more information we may be able to help more.
- need more info from you per other's requests below (who has PoA, etc)
- transparency in communication is essential and helps the caregiver in many ways as well as the care receiver
Do you currently have any sort of Power of Attorney for your mother?
It is not unreasonable for the non-caregiving sibling to want to be involved in your mother's care, even if he is not the one actually doing it. It's all about communication, and about agreeing how decisions you have to make for your mother can be made together.
If your mother didn't create any POAs before, and her money needs to be managed or she might need memory care and important legal decisions have to be made for her, then applying for guardianship might be the right way to go. And if your brother is suggesting a joint guardianship, shared by both of you, then it doesn't sound as if he wants to fight you - he wants to be included.
What's your relationship with your brother been like over the years?