My dad refuses to wear his hearing aids. He is increasingly argumentative and fixates on the topic and I can’t get him off it. When he’s like this I can’t reason with them he won’t stop arguing. The times he is positive are less and less I try to reason with him but it’s of no use. He can’t hear and this also creates problems. I’m at my wits end and not sure what to do. Is this normal? I’m wondering if he’s depressed but in no way can I approach him about this. He is very egotistical and very sensitive. I don’t have POA or any medical guardianship. I didn’t know how bad it was until recently when I got to spend two weeks straight with them. My mom can hardly take it anymore. Any thoughts are greatly welcomed.
Know that there is little you can do to fix this. Even though we want to fix it and make them happy, sadly the reality is you most likely can't. You will have to ride the wave. Can you get them both to his PCP and sit down with them to discuss what is going on. You should be there to hear the conversation and help with steering it.
If you don't have medical POA who does?
As far as being argumentative is concerned, my mother was always that way, but it became a lot more pronounced when she was diagnosed with progressive dementia back in 2016. As time goes on, she gets worse and worse to the point where I can hardly have a conversation with her at ALL. She winds up contradicting what she JUST SAID in an effort to argue! It's a no win situation, most times, so I just tend to agree with whatever she says. She's also mostly deaf and unwilling to wear hearing aids (what else is new?) so that situation NEVER helps! She does live in Memory Care Assisted Living so she's well cared for and for that I'm grateful.
I don't know what you can really 'do' about all of this except to keep an eye on things through your mother. If she feels like he needs more help as time goes on, a move to Assisted Living for both of them may be in order. I highly doubt your mother is willing to be separated from him after all these years, but hey, I could be wrong. Who knows. My father was married to my mother for 68 years before he passed away in 2015 and seriously ready to strangle her in the last year of his life. If he could have divorced her, he probably would have, because he'd had about ENOUGH of her nonsense by then, the poor soul!
Anyway, best of luck to you. I know how hard it is to be the 'child' here and to feel helpless about fixing a broken situation for your folks.