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He doesn’t know anything about her Medicaid. His brother is in charge of the finances but won’t help at all. She needs to go to the doctor but my dad is hurt and can not drive. He doesn’t want to leave her alone. She’s been using the bathroom on the floor and wandering around more. He hasn’t slept much at all.I do not live close to them. Is there something he can do to get some help? He said he’s worn out and there’s no coming back from what he’s been through.

There is plenty he can do to change his situation.

He has to want to.
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Reply to Beatty
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The best thing he can do at this point is have his mother placed in a memory care facility, before he ends up dying before she does.
40% of caregivers caring for someone with dementia will die before the one they're caring for from stress related issues. That could very well be your dad if he doesn't make some changes soon.
Your dad needs to have a come to Jesus meeting with his brother and tell him that he can no longer do this and that his brother has 2 weeks to find alternative care for their mother, or he is moving out and she will be on her own.
If your dads brother is the financial POA in this situation, he'll have to figure things out for his mother.
But in the meantime have your dad call APS, Senior Services and his local Area Agency on Aging to see what kind of help may be available until his mother gets placed .
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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He needs to tell his brother that he's 100% done and give the end date. Then he needs to walk away and inform the brother that if he doesn't arrange for her alternate care he will report him and his Mom to APS.

As others have said, he has to be willing to do this as there is no other solution really. But it is a solution. Even if the county comes in and gets legal guardianship of the Mom, she will get the care and protection she needs. Our family had a good experience with a court-assign guardian for my SFIL. It solved the problem for all involved.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Unfortunately, your father is not providing adequate care for his mother and it could very well be considered neglect and abuse at this point (through no fault of his own because of his own issues).

You should call APS and report this situation because no one is doing right by your grandmother. That is the unfortunate reality now.
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Reply to Southernwaver
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Kellijean333, welcome to the forum. Sounds like it is time for your Dad to call 911 and have your Grandmother placed in the hospital as she could have an Urinary Tract Infection which can cause one to do strange things.


Once in the hospital, your Dad can refuse to let his Mom come back home by saying there is no longer anyone there to be her caregiver. Your Dad is burnt out. What happens next is that his Mom will be placed in a nursing home, and there should be a Case Worker he can talk to regarding how Medicaid works in their State. Once accepted by Medicaid to live in a nursing home, Medicaid will pay for everything. Note, your Dad should not sign the entrance papers, only his brother who is Grandmother's financial Power of Attorney.


Please note, if your Grandmother owns her own house, that later down the road when the time comes that she passes, Medicaid will place a lien on her house. Once the house is sold, Medicaid will be reimbursed as this program is a taxpayer funded program.


Please let us know what happens.
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Reply to freqflyer
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AlvaDeer Sep 29, 2024
Absolutely spot-on advice.
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Try IHSS if he qualifies or pay out of pocket for an agency or put in an add for help but do a background check on them .. it’s quite expensive to hire an agency these days 25/40 dollars an hr but if you pay someone under the table it’s more like 16/25 an hr
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Reply to Trixipie
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