Surely I’m not the only one feeling guilty that I had to put my Dad in a long-term facility because he just can’t take care of himself anymore. He still has his mind for the most part but he doesn’t make great decisions hence the need to put him in a facility. He also is not physically able to walk far, make his on food, take his insulin shot/medicine etc. I know he is sad that he is not living out his retirement dreams of living at the beach and fishing on the pier everyday.
But he has made bad choices over his life such as not saving money for retirement and not taking care of his body due to a lot of drinking alcohol and chewing tobacco most of his life. To be honest, he is lucky I am even speaking to him with how much pain he caused my Mom and I over the years.
Mom passed away 13 years ago. We were very close and I always thought Dad would pass first and Mom and I would be able to have all kinds of girl time. Instead, I’m an only child and taking care of the man that wasn’t the father I needed. He tried, but alcohol was his choice to ease the pain of his tiny, mean mother that controled him his entire life with shame, guilt, and verbal abuse.
Thank goodness I broke the chain of that type of emotional abuse with my daughter. So, I have a love/hate relationship with my Dad. I’ve cleaned up so many messes he has made because of alcohol abuse, hoarding in apartments that caused bugs infestations, etc. but, then I feel guilty that I have a much better life than he had and maybe me asking them to help put me through college put them in financial trouble years ago. I’m 58 and he is 78. I’m still dealing with these emotional bags!
At least he is being taken care of in the nursing home and I don’t have to be constantly being his 24 hour on call caregiver, doctor appointments driver, grocery shopper, financial representative now.
When does this weird guilt subside?
You say, you are mad at God for your mom dying and not getting to have a life beyond her marriage to an alcoholic. I want to offer my view point on this. She died because she got it right and she is in Glory now. No more human suffering of any type, only joy, peace, love and many things far above our ability to even comprehend. Your trials are perfecting you for your journey to Glory. Please don't be mad at God, HIS plan for us is perfect and everything that happens to us, happens in HIS time and it is always perfect, even if we can't see it.
Pray for your dad, because it is impossible to stay angry and hurt if you sincerely pray for his salvation and the grace to forgive him.
Look at how much stronger you are because of what you have endured. It's not promised that the walk will be easy, just that HE will be with us.
You are an inspiration and may God bless you exceeding abundantly!
You have nothing to feel guilty for. Your Dad made choices. Seems not good ones. He is now where he is because of those choices. We can't save someone from themselves. Your College, did you work during school, did you hold down Summer jobs to help with the cost. If they didn't have it, they wouldn't have helped.
Seems to me that you have done all u can for Dad. He is now safe and cared for so you can have a life.