My 67 year old Dad is disabled with MS and is bedbound. I'll be honest and say that we (me and my mom) are not getting along with Dad, so Dad is all for moving into a 1 bed by himself and having a caretaker care for him for, I'm assuming 12-24 hours a day. Dad would be asleep at night, so maybe not 24 hour care. I am asking for advice and tips on the RIGHT and LEGAL way to go along with his wishes. Advice on the first things I should do, or we should do, to go about it. Advice on some resources that could help us find a place for him, places specially for my Dad's situation.
Real quick, I have suggested for Dad to live in some sort of care facility, but each time I bring up the subject he just shakes his head, so it is rather clear to me he wants to just live in a 1 bed and have a care-taker tend to his needs.
Again, any advice on how to get the ball rolling? What are some of the first things I should DO and CONSIDER while looking for a place for my Dad.
If you dad leaves (how physically will he do this?), you need to know if your mother could be on the hook for his bills.
Some seniors who are otherwise 'with it' have magical thinking around money and how much care they need. I know my dad does. He has created a massive debt in a Trust and feels my brother and I can sort it out. Yeah right.
Another note, while it may be true MS affects the mind like some of you have been saying, I am sure my Dad is still very much aware of his surroundings, enough so that I doubt we can call him "mentally ill", because, like I've said, despite being old and set to his ways, he is quite aware on what's going on.
So, here's a question. Can I just sit back and let him do his thing and let him worry about what can he afford with his income? Or will some organization, like the law, start to tell me otherwise and say me and my mom have a responsibility.
Because me and my mom cannot take him anywhere without his consent if he is mentally all there, right? Because I do not believe he's mentally ill, unless I ask his doctor to give a proper inspection. Thing is, my Dad has had MS for a long time, and never once has his doctor make any comments about his mentality to my Mom or to me.
Lastly, my Mom and Dad have never married. Just of couple people who had kids together and stayed with each other long as they did.
And everyone, I am grateful for your advice and will continue to warn my Dad about the cost and his low income. But as I've said, he merely tells me, "Don't worry about it."
Do I let him do what he wants? I have no right to place him anywhere without his consent right?
You need to realize that when people are sick they take their frustrations out on the ones they love. Can you imagine not being able to physically do for yourself and relying on others. Your Dad is probably depressed. If not being able to get along is something fairly new, then this has to be brought to the doctors attention. Maybe some physical therapy. MS does effect the brain.
www.nationalmssociety.org/Symptoms-Diagnosis/MS-Symptoms/Cognitive-Changes
You could call Medicaid and see if Dad could get some homecare. But remember, Mom is married to Dad and as such she vowed to care for him. There will come a time when she can't physically do this so LTC will be needed for Dad. Maybe this is it. With his income, Dad will not really have a choice. I doubt that an Assisted living would take him. They are not equipped for this kind of care. Dad has to understand, what he wants may not be possible.
Call the MS association and see if they have Seminars locally. I think you and Mom need to understand where Dad is coming from. They may even be able to help with resources.
There is a whole section on Resources and Support, including a local search function.
Has anything been done to address his mental health issues? Is he being followed by a psychiatrist? Most folks with M.S. have issues with mood that can be helped through medication.
You say you dad is bedbound. Does he have a wheelchair? Can he use that?
Perhaps the place to start is your local Area Agency on Aging. Tell them you are looking for a needs assessment.
And yikes. Only per week? Yeah, I would say he would probably need more care time than that.
At least 9-12 hours per day rather than 24.
Start with his doctor. Ask for a referral to someone who can develop a care plan for you.
Here is one of most important thing, does Dad have the funds to pay for 2 or 3 shifts of caregivers? Why I asked is that my Dad had 3 shifts of caregivers and it cost him $20k per month, yes per month. These caregivers were from a caregiving agency.
If Dad hire through a non-agency, then Dad would need to contact his home insurance carrier and purchase "workman comp" insurance which is needed in case his caregiver gets hurt on the job.
As to finding an one bedroom apartment which would work for your Dad, the only places I know are Independent Living or Assisted Living facilities. Such places are $4k to $7k per month, depending on your Dad's needs. Chances are he wouldn't physically qualify for Independent Living, but would physically qualify for Assisted Living.
If Dad doesn't have the funds, then he can call his State Medicaid [different from Medicare] to see what the State can provide for him. Chances are a nursing home paid by Medicaid would be the answer if Dad qualifies for Medicaid. But is Dad really ready for a nursing home?
Now, I can understand why Dad wants to move out, he probably feels like he is a burden to the family. Instead of him moving out, why not hire a part-time caregiver to help your Dad during the day, to give your Mom a much needed break.
And I'm sorry to say, but the reason my Dad is moving out is because me and Mom have not been getting along with him. It's pretty bad, and there are days where I truly hate his guts BUT I still have enough respect for him not as my father, but as a human being, so that is why I am going TRY to help him.