He was in a larger memory care unit for a year and a half. As his dementia progressed he started displaying combative and other disruptive behavior. They suggested he needed a smaller facility with more one on one care. We moved him to an 8 person home-based place. He’s gotten worse. More violent. He’s on several mood calming drugs but unless he’s sedated 24-7 he still hits. If this facility decides he’s too much, where would he go next? Most Alzheimer:memory care places I see say they won’t accept people with aggressive behavior” which unfortunately can is a common trait during certain stages of the disease. Short of an uncaring, cold, psych hospital where can he live and get the help he needs and deserves. He’s a former veteran and outstanding husband and loving father that deserves dignity despite the toll the disease has taken on him. VA was no help because he didn’t meet their criteria (serving during war time, etc). Im desperate for a solution. Are there places that truly specialize in this and can handle aggressive behavior?
Challenging behaviours, including aggression, are indeed common in dementia but the specialists have been trying to move on from chemical control alone; moreover pinning down exactly what sort of dementia he has is crucial to getting the drugs right. Moreover, you've seen for yourself that in reasonable doses the approach so far is simply not working for him. Are you in touch with an older age psychiatrist, or if not who has been leading his medical care team?
Unfortunately, because of his past issues, his only option may be a psychiatric hospital. It’s not ideal, but you can’t take the chance that he may injure another resident. I understand that he was a great guy who deserves respect and kindness, as do all our Veterans. However, sadly, he’s in need of more care than they can provide in regular facilities. If there is a social services office at his current facility speak with them and ask for help.