My dad is 77-years-old and last week we went to the doctor after my sister, and I noticed that he was becoming forgetful on things like taking his medicine properly and turning off water faucets, and leaving car doors open. Furthermore, he has anxiety and his extremely hard of hearing. Also was shuffling his feet a lot and falling. When we went to the doctor for a checkup we told the doctor and the doctor gave him a cognitive test where he only scored a 15 out of 30, which was really concerning. The doctor said he does not need to be driving and that he would not revoke his license yet, but it’s coming. Based on that information, I took his keys at least until we got his medicine corrected and he was taking it correctly. It’s been about a week and he’s doing much better getting around the house but now that I’ve told him I took the keys because the doctor says he didn’t need to be driving. He wants them back really bad. I don’t know what I should do. Before the doctor’s appointment he was driving about 10 minutes each way from where he normally goes, but he was driving really slowly. He lives 45 minutes away from my sister and I and we’re worried that if he’ll hurt somebody if he gets his keys back. We have offered for him to come and live with us or my sister and he does not want to. He does have two brothers that live near him, but they are also up in age as well. We’ve arranged for a lady friend of his to come and help him with his medicine so he doesn’t get confused in the a.m. and p.m. and so far that has worked and she will stay with him for a little bit, but he is very independent, but he’s going stir crazy, because he can’t do what he wants to do. What should we do?
Losing driving privileges can be one of the biggest losses of independence there is, and many of us will have to face it at some point. People on this forum have a lot of experience handling this with cognitively impaired loved ones so you can get a lot of support and suggestions as things unfold. There are articles on this site under the topic of driving that might be helpful and you can see similar questions at the bottom of these responses. Good luck to you.
Do not give them back under any circumstances.
Have you talked with the lady friend? Chances are she’s seen dad’s driving and will be grateful to you for saving her life. Can you offer her gas and maintenance money (out of dad’s account, of course)?
If you feel your father is in danger you cannot take his keys from him merely on your own whim. By today's standards he is able to drive. California elders are so safe we now don't have to take written testing after 70! The doctor, who got a 15 out of 30 and is not concerned and is not referred for neuro-psyc is a true mystery to me; are you hearing what he has said directly from him or from your father?
As I said, without diagnosis, and with a doctor saying "you don't NEED to drive" (whatever THAT means), you cannot yourself simply decide things for your father. You can only do that as his POA or guardian and after testing that proves he is not competent in his own care.
You mention nothing about his living conditions? How are they? Is he cooking, eating, washing himself, doing laundry and other ADLs? (activity of daily livings).
Time for a more thorough exam. Time for paperwork for POA or a refusal. If your father isn't deemed incompetent then he has a right to live his life as he chooses.
If you are worried about his ability to do that currently I would call APS. I am certain you know, simple as these tests usually are, that a 15 out of 30 isn't looking good.
The sad thing is that much as we may want to we simply cannot control for everything. I wish you the best of luck, and your Dad as well.
Tell yourself that you can take his anger.
If he were to get into an accident and hurt someone, you'd be a whole lot madder at YOURSELF. And probably a whole lot guiltier.
The doc has given the orders. Follow them.
Shuffling at his age is not a good sign, his reflexes are not what they should be, no driving for him.
I am 77, no dementia, no Parkinson's, I drive and get along just fine, so would he be if he didn't have these issues.
And, do not have him live with you, if need be place him in a facility for his and your own well-being.
Spin a whole yarn around it if you need to - it sounds plausible…..
I know big leap from taking the keys away to that but break down what you have said.
Falls
Shuffling gait
forgetting he left water running
not taking medication properly (leads to over doses or under medicating)
Leaving the car door open
Does this lady friend that is helping out drive? Can driving dad be added to the list of tasks for her to do.
Is there an Adult Day Program in the area? You might want to get him involved in that if there is one.
A caregiver a few days a week for a few hours might be all he needs. They would check on him, make sure the house is safe and he is safe.
I think the doctor is a bit of a chickensh## for not taking the steps to revoke his license. Sorta puts it all on you and makes you the "bad guy".
Score Level of Dementia
19 – 23: Mild dementia
10 – 18: Moderate dementia
9 and lower: Severe dementia
As you can see from the above chart, a score of 15 on a mini cognition test means your father has moderate dementia going on! The doctor told him he should not be driving, so I would disable his car and lose his keys to insure he's not driving. Period.
Better to ask forgiveness than permission.
You certainly cannot wait 9 months for an "official" dx from a neurologist before you stop dad from driving! My mother had ONLY a mini cognitive exam which she originally scored an 18 on to be correctly diagnosed (at the hospital) with progressive dementia, thought to be vascular in nature due to evidence of a stroke seen on her CT scan. Soon afterward, she began introducing me as her "mother". She passed away 6 years later, with advanced dementia and CHF, in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility.
The neurologist she saw later on did absolutely nothing for her, except to say she did not have Parkinson's by conducting a simple "test" dad can do at home.
"What is the two finger test for Parkinson's disease?
In finger tapping the patient is instructed to tap the index finger on the thumb as fast possible and as big as possible. This means that the patient should try to separate the two fingers as much as possible before tapping them. Make sure to test both the right and the left side."
If worse comes to worse, take the spark plugs out of dad's car. Arrange for him to get rides here and there on a schedule if possible. That's why we have POA....to make the difficult decisions FOR them now that they are cognitively impaired.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Please for the love of God DO NOT give your dad back his keys!!! You and your dad will feel terrible if he kills or seriously injures someone. Plus he could lose everything in a civil lawsuit if it's found out that he was driving with dementia, and kills or injures someone.
Driving with dementia is NO different than driving drunk or high and the consequences are the same as well, as it should be.
You wouldn't give your teenage son the care keys if you knew he'd been drinking more than he should, now would you? Of course not. So keep your dads car keys well hidden, or disable it, and if you have to move his car to your house so it's out of sight out of mind, well...so be it.
Your dad should not be living by himself anymore, so instead of wondering about whether or not to give him him keys back, you should be discussing what the next step in his full-time care looks like.
My 95-yr old Mom took a virtual driving assessment through OT. She scored 16 out of 30. She failed the physical reaction portion of the assessment. The OT told her she is considered high risk and that she should stop driving immediately and that it would get reported to the Dept of Public Safety, and it did and they sent a letter canceling her license.
My Uncle should have been stopped from driving but wasn’t. He went thru a red light and was T-boned which killed his passenger, his wife (and their dog).
Do whatever it takes to stop his driving. He’ll adjust.
In some states insurance companies will notify the DMV when insurance is dropped. The state can then turn around and suspend the plates for no insurance.
Thanks so much for your answers to our responses. They give us SO much more information and make it so much easier to give you better answers.
I would go to youtube and look up the SLUMS test and the MoCa (Montreal) test for dementia. Each is only 20 to 30 questions. Make it a game with Dad. If you note failure on these tests you know something right there. Then await the test 9 months out (medical care getting insane in this country, right?).
If he is a big failure on these, keep the keys, but also time to seek care. You have the POA.
I wish you the very best, but in a gentleman this wobbly waiting for 9 months for assessment is NOT OK.
I am so very sorry.
Some elderly people get around -short distances -on golf carts or 4 wheelers, but I do understand that he could also end up going out on the Main road. If he lives in a rural area & has good access to his neighborhood road-he may feel it's enough , being able to cart himself to his siblings homes , or just to a cul de sac to hang out for awhile.
I'm sorry his life has gotten to this point. I'm sure you may have other concerns concerning his own & everyone else's safety -and have some weighty decisions to make.
ALF and the like aren’t cheap, but neither is hiring caregivers. My friend’s mom has dementia and they tried the caregiver route in ALF. Oops… it was $16,000 A MONTH. And would have been more if she was at home.