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My dad has dementia and his health has greatly declined. He is 92-years-old and his girlfriend/caretaker will not allow me to visit or call him. In his first stage of dementia she coerced him into signing a POA. She moved him from our family home to her house. She thinks she has full control, has blocked my phone calls and will not allow me to visit my dad. What rights do I have so I can see my dad before he dies?

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The only power you now have, since your father gave POA to his girlfriend, is to give any evidence you may have of senior abuse or fraud to the courts and ask that the POA give an accounting to the court. You can at that time ask for conservatorship over your father. This court action will require an attorney and is not without cost. Your Dad's estate would reimburse you if you WON, but this would be dependent on whether the POA is keeping good records or not, and acting in your Dad's interest or not. Consult an attorney to discuss.
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“I see what you mean. But actually POA gets to decide. “

This is why no one should do any caregiving unless they have POA.
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“Because when POA takes over, they get the final word…”

That sounds like control to me.
A POA should act in the best interest of the client and if the client was sharing before it should still be shared with other siblings especially if they’re helping out
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ventingisback Aug 14, 2023
I see what you mean. But actually POA gets to decide.

Next, imagine POA is legally accused of acting against the best interests. A judge might decide POA did act in the best interests: there were good reasons for not sharing the information. It all depends on the case.

“and if the client was sharing before it should still be shared with other siblings especially if they’re helping out”

Things can change. The situation can change.

The final word is a judge’s word.

And for those who believe in God, the final, final word is God’s.
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Seasand I'm sorry you are going through that. I have financial and medical POA over my mom with dementia. I cannot prevent someone from seeing my mom because my mom has "rights" although she has dementia. Now if I see someone is causing her distress which affects her health then have that right to refuse. I also do not have to disclose any medical information to my siblings if I don't want to. If your Dad refuses to see you than it's he doesn't have to see you. Call adult protective services they will handle it and find out for certain if the girlfriend has POA and why she is not allowing you to see your father. Trust and believe they will. That is emotional abuse of an elder. Elder abuse is not taken lightly.
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Jada824 Aug 14, 2023
If your mom was sharing medical information with siblings prior to diagnosis how does POA give you the right to withhold that information now?

Siblings not sharing pertinent information is what causes mistrust.
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You need an attorney who deals with this situation. I know this from my situation where the POA's weren't legal as an attorney told me its not worth the paper its printed on. The only way to get legal POA's is to contest the paperwork which we aren't doing because they are getting what they deserve from it. We don't have to take care of the person anymore and they aren't getting any money from that person anymore.

Prayers
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Jada824 Aug 14, 2023
Some of us learn the hard way. Best wishes to you
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Seasand: Retain an elder law attorney posthaste.
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Grandma1954 August 1, 2023 3:20 pm
I agree with everyone saying you need to get an attorney.
I would be curious to find out if he made the girlfriend/caretaker POA before or after his diagnosis with dementia? If it was after it is possible that the POA is not legal.
This might also be worth a call to the Elder Abuse Hotline in your state
There could be Financial abuse as well as physical or emotional abuse.
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The police will tell you it’s a civil matter and won’t do anything.

2 CNAS reported that my mom was being abused by her live in caregiver & they did nothing. They just told my sibling who had POA the caretaker couldn’t be there when the CNAS were.

A lawyer is your only resort. I went through this whole scenario& it’s heartbreaking.
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Get a lawyer immediately! This happened to me with a sibling & I couldn’t see my mom for 4 years until she went in a nursing home & Alliance for better long term care helped me get in.
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Hire an attorney.

In Florida this is very common, women take advantage of old men, get them to sell everything, then convinces them to either make them the beneficiary or make a new will. He dies and they get everything.

Don't dilly dally get legal representation now, find out what really is going on.
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Confer with an Elder Law Attorney immediately. You can also report her to APS if you suspect " control" issues or any other question you have about his care especially since you are being denied access. You are a biological relative. Seek legal help now.... Your father having dementia is very vulnerable to abuse and, " girlfriend's behavior coercing him to sign POA, moving him and denying you/ family access is highly suspicious.
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Report all of the above to APS and the police. Rhen cintact an elder law specific attorney who knows and understands yours and your Dadsrights. Everything you have documented and filed is in your Dad's best interest. His caretajer/girlfriend secluding your Dad is NOT in his best interest. If he is not mentaly competent or aware of what is going on, an investigation needs to happen, ASAP.
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Jada824 Aug 1, 2023
APS & the police won’t do anything to help ……I tried both
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Contact an attorney. They will file paperwork, motions, request a emergency guardianhip via a temporary guardian adlitem who works on behalf your Dad's best interest as well as the county. He will be assigned a guardian adlitem through the court system or suggestion of your attorney. This will be a neutral party, conduct investigations, look into your Dad's finances for any issues; arrange for medical appointments, report back to the judge, provide recommendations, etc. Your Dad's girlfriend is not next of kin, you (and/or his other children are). This is the path for you to ensure your Dad is being properly cared for, especially if he is no longer decicional (decided by a neurologist through the guardian adlitem).
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KNance72 Aug 2, 2023
My Problem is My Dad is in California andLived in Boston for 35 years . I Hired a attorney In Boston to Block her from getting into the stocks and 401 K - she Immediately Had me removed as POA and Inserted herself from some Old Paperwork she had him sign In 2012 . He Made me POA and Healthcare Proxy in December 2020 . I have Lived with him for 12 years . When she grabbed my Dad he was recovering from a sore and 4 days in the Intensive care Unit . I Tried the elder attorney he used for the trust - the People they used wanted $7500 up front . She was savvy enough to cancel my credit card I Used for the House . No Lower income resources have been available . Most elder attorney Only do trusts , wills or sue for elder abuse at Nursing Homes . It cost me $5000 for one Lawyer to Block her due to the Medical diagnosis that he is in Mid stages of Vascular dementia and Alzheimers and should Not be making financial decisions or be in California away from His home . I went to California and it was another $5000 for 2 weeks Only to find Out a Massachusetts Lawyer can't represent me In California . Internet court is a Joke . My Problem is he is 3000 Miles away yet he is a resident Of Massachusetts not California .
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Not Much you can do unless you hire a Lawyer and hopefully they Live in the same state as you . My sister did the same thing - Came to Our home and took off with My Dad claiming " They were going to Hawaii on Vacation " and " he Lives with her every winter . " You could seek Guardianship or a emergency Order to have him removed from her home . Costs a Lot of Money and time . APS really doesnt do Much if he Is being cared for . And if they ask him " Is he Happy ? " and he says " Yes " well there you go . I have been dealing with this for 10 Months . He hardly Knows my sister in California , my Parents divorced when she was 2 and he never saw her . We Live in Boston . She told me " to come and get him " and I went to California and was served with a restraining order . She Had me removed as POA and Made herself POA and Has her Name on everything and keeps forwarding Our Mail to her house . This Has caused me Much stress and at this Point I Have to Live My Life because dealing with Idiots is draining .
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LightJoy Aug 1, 2023
I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It is so very hard, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'm going through something similar with my siblings in regards to care for my mother. I keep trying to let it go, not dwell on the happenings, yell STOP in my head when I begin to think of the situation and most of all don't want to harbor ill feelings toward anyone. We are in this situation to learn and grow. God is my strength, along with yoga, Qigong, gardening and to concentrate on my well being. Best wishes.
Lenore
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Forced POA? - he was competent at that time, was entering the early stage of the disease. Not medically confirmed at that time.

Have you any suggestions of an alternation way to present to APS?

Two years ago I documented and reported the caretaker’s abuse and neglect to APS. The EMT and hospital’s records and documentation the supporting data and verification of the abuse and neglect.

When I reported to APS Caseworker, I emphasized that I was waiting on the hospital records to be provided to me and I would submit the documentation upon receipt from the hospital to the caseworker. Within 2 weeks of filing the abuse, the caseworker dropped the case before receiving the supporting document, therefore no accountability of the abuse/ neglect was implemented nor was the case properly investigated.

The verbiage that you recommend, I will provide to APS.

Time is of essence.

Thank you so much!

Seasand

Again, thank you very much!

Seasand
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ventingisback Jul 22, 2023
Forced POA? That’s what you said. You didn’t say he signed POA. You said she coerced him.

You already contacted APS 2 years ago, and they dropped the case about neglect.

There must be a reason why now you post on the forum. The caregiver is even worse? Contact APS again, explain the whole situation. Call the police, explain. They’ll tell you what to do: most likely they’ll say, call APS.
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Agree with Ventingisback below. Isolating your father from his family is abuse. Make those calls. Make his girlfriend/caretaker prove isolating him is for his benefit.
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Seasand Jul 22, 2023
Thank you so much!

Seasand
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Call the police, lawyer and APS. She’s committing financial elder abuse and keeping family away from him.
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Seasand Jul 22, 2023
Thank you so much!
In response, with the resources you recommended, who would you contact first?

Lawyer - ( Legal advise)
APS - what specifically would I report?
a. Her not giving me access to my dad by phone or visit?
b. Financial abuse?
c. Your suggestions?
Police - would I contact and request their presence when I arrive at her house to visit?

Your recommendations are earnestly appreciated.

Seasand
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