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He no longer can take care of any business matters. He loses things. He has forgotten how to lock the doors. He cannot remember simple chores and where things are. He cannot remember when he has last eaten. He drives and cannot find his way back home. I’ve had to go get him and bring him home. He is very angry and yells a lot and easy to startle.

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My mother is now in the moderately advanced stage of full blown dementia & STILL says there's nothing wrong with her at all, and it's all the others in her Memory Care ALF that are 'stupid morons' and 'idiots', if that gives you any idea of the level of denial many people remain in who suffer from dementia.

The diagnosis of 'mild cognitive impairment' is extremely misleading by suggesting anything about it is 'mild'. It's not.

Read up on the topic of dementia and then pick up a copy of The 36 Hour Day which is a wonderful reference manual on the subject. Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube as well.

Disable your husband's vehicle immediately as he is a danger to himself and others while driving!!!!!!!!! Getting lost while driving is your first indication of a huge problem he's having. You don't want to have to go identify his body at the morgue one of these days, God forbid, or learn that he's killed another person or a child by driving recklessly.

Talk to his doctor about his anger issues and heightened startle reflex; anti anxiety meds CAN help with such issues.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
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GrandmaBeth Jul 2021
My MIL was just diagnosed with moderate dementia. She doesn’t seem too bad at the moment, but I’m dreading the future, based on what the neurologist told me (“sun downing”- getting up during the night, and she’s at risk of falling).
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This does not sound like MCI. (I don't like the MCI diagnosis, I think it is a baby step some doctors take to ease into the dementia diagnosis)
What you describe sounds like Dementia of one type or another.
It is important to get an accurate diagnoses though.
He should not be driving.
He should not be left alone.
He will probably never acknowledge he has a problem because he does not think he has one. By the time you get a diagnosis most people with dementia do not realize what they are doing and not doing.
It would be wise to set up an appointment with an Elder Care Attorney and discuss what can be done to protect your assets, protect your husband and see what needs to be done for the future.
Will you be able to keep him home with the help of caregivers? If so for how long? Will you have to place him in Memory Care? If so at what point will you have to place him?
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OMG...so close to how my husband started out at age 59. He was first diagnosed with MCI then a year later they said Early onset Alzheimer's. He first started losing keys, kept running off our driveway and could not use the computer at the office.
It has been 9 yrs now and he still gets around physically and was never sick a day in his life prior to this disease...no cold, no flu, nothing!
I had to sell his truck and keep him from driving a couple of years ago. It seems now he can hardly understand much of what I say to him and he has great difficulty in expressing his thoughts and feelings. I will say something about a TV show and he is looking but must not really see the show.. he does not have sundowner symptoms but does see people in our yard. It is very difficult to watch and he stays angry alot and follows me every where I go in and out of the house. My husband still WILL NOT acknowledge he has any disease or problem with anything so hang in there!
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againx100 Jul 2021
Sorry that your husband is having these symptoms.
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Definitely way past MCI now, sorry to say. He does not need to acknowledge it. It just doesn't matter. You know the truth. You seriously can NOT let him drive any more. He is a danger to himself and others. Don't try to argue with him about it, just hide the keys and/or disable the car. Have it towed somewhere to get "worked on" and it just never comes back.

I would look into something for him to take for his agitation (what I'm calling it from being angry and yelling). Look into natural remedies or call his doctor and explain symptoms.

When was he last at doc for checkup and blood work? Maybe a UTI? Maybe deficient in something? My mom is declining so they just tested B12 and thyroid which were fine in her care but who knows??
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His impairment is well past "mild.". He does not need to acknowledge it. He does need supervision.
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Yes, who wants to admit they are losing their mind. He is probably well aware of how his life is going to be and no amount of Medication is going to cure him.

I, too, think your husband is way past MCI. He should not be driving. You may want to see if there is a medication to help with the anger. I hope he was diagnosed by a Neurologist. If not, he should go to one.
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Telling my mom the diagnosis didn’t help; but writing it down in big font and giving her a copy seemed to help because she referred to it often. I wrote down all the medical issues she had with the explanation of what they were (briefly and simply). After that, I created a daily sheet of paper of the day (concierge schedule). I gave it to her every day. This helped her because she wondered what was on the schedule for the day. Then, if we were talking and she forgot something and got frustrated; I would say “that’s okay mom, this is who you are now. You are safe and cared for and God loves you. We are here and you are not alone- I am your memory and and you trust me. It is okay.” I repeated it over and over as needed.
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psuskind1 Jul 2021
You are a wonderful devoted caregiver. Good suggestions
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The answers given so far are spot on and very familiar to me with my husband’s journey. Like
you, I thought he was in denial. The neurologist educated me about anosognosia - the brain’s inability to understand the diagnosis. It presents in some but not all patients. I had to stop my husband from driving. That was a long process but we got there. Best to you in this very hard life shared with the one we love most …. who has become a different person in many, many ways.
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I should lay off the "mood swing herbs" if I were you. If they are making any difference, they may be masking his condition or they may even be making it worse. Herbal does not = gentle and always safe. Hemlock, opium and deadly nightshade are all 100% natural, remember.

It is very normal for a person diagnosed with the early stages of dementia to refuse to accept that this is the reason life has suddenly become so complicated and baffling. Many people will blame almost anything else for difficulties with navigation, constantly losing things, being unable to manage straightforward tasks and processes (e.g. locking doors) which they used to do without thinking (or so they and we all thought).

Who diagnosed the MCI? And what has been suggested for next steps?
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When someone had dementia they don't accept that anything is wrong with them. Even when it's in the earliest stage where maybe they forget minor things but they still have comprehension of reality. That's when denial takes over. Not just with the demented person but many times with their own families too.
I've seen families make every kind of excuse for dementia behavior and cover for their loved one all the time because they're in denial or just don't know what to do for it.
You're clearly not in denial about your husband's illness and that's good.
The anger he has will increase. He will get startled more easily and will likely get to the point where you will have to be next to him 24 hours a day. It's time to bring in outside help or look into care facility placement.
In the meantime, he cannot be allowed to drive anymore. He's not just endangering his life every time he gets behind the wheel, but also the lives of everyone else on the road. Do whatever you have to and make sure he can't drive the car.
Please for your sake and his look at a few care facilities. You will need one at some point.
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