We have no kids and are financially stable. My husband inherited his mother's house and some stock. He has no siblings. If he dies before me, am I free to do whatever I choose with his assets? I have my own will which needs updating. Should we have a joint will or keep our finances separate?
What difference does it make, I'll be dead?
Selfish so-and-so! If you don't mind my calling him names.
The difference it makes, dear Henry, is that you won't be left with a fat admin. headache if he dies before you, and vice versa. Is he being intentionally thick? Is he, come to think of it, giving you a sensible answer to a sensible question?
Ask your lawyer about mirror wills - you can probably leave each other a life interest and then name subsequent beneficiaries, something like that. It doesn't have to split 50:50, and the one thing you can both be sure of is that after you're both dead neither of you will care!
I have never heard of a joint will. As far as I know, each person has their own will with their own directives in it. Mine says, all to hubby and if he's gone, split between my kids or their heirs, etc. His says the same but they are completely separate legal documents.
Do not remove your name from anything. At least you will guaranteed half. Depends on the state.
70 is not old, but things happen. I was 11 years younger than my husband. @ 65 he had a stroke. He had a poa for me. A will. It was a life saver for me. He lasted til he was 70 , but I was able to make decisions for his care. When he passed it made it all easier. NOT easy , but easier. You should both have POA's. and wills.
If you approach as we both need these things. He may understand. Say you also want him to be able to make your choices come to reality. I hope this helps.
Good luck to you!
In some states, if there is no will, the state steps in and you don't want that.
My neighbor died last year. His son claimed there was written a will from some decades ago, produced under the counsel of a lawyer who is now long dead, in a bank safe only certain family members had access to. The family member in charge of the probate, who had access to the safe, produced what was probably a forged document. There was no recent paperwork, other copies, anything for reference, so the probable fake was accepted. The forged will led to a huge blowup where people were evicted from the property, the two houses razed, and an attempt to sell the former family ranch to a developer is underway. The old man had been sweet as can be and promised that the two families could live on the property for the rest of their lives. Whoops.
Without clear documentation that defines who inheritors are and are not, and any specific intentions for assets, you leave yourself open to fraud and scammers. Explain to your husband that if he doesn't provide a will, then he is inviting some far flung relative to "find" evidence of an earlier will. it doesn't have to be about planning for death, it's can be about making your security obvious so that no one should be planning to scam the family.
Maybe if he passes, and you are sobbing, and ask his long time attorney to help handle the affairs. The attorney knows how disorganized things are and that there's no paper trail, so he helps himself to a bit of the estate and you never notice. These things happen.
In fact, it seems less old every year I get closer to it :)
The poster who said "what do I care, I'll be dead". Yeah, that's a cop out. If there is no will or trust, if everything goes smoothly and perfectly, you'd be lucky. Often, though, with no will in place, things get messy and instead of being able to grieve and move through the process of change--you find yourself working like crazy to get things settled--and a lot of anger can bubble to the surface.
Ask your DH if he thinks that's a nice way to leave you. With a huge job ahead of you and you asking yourself, nonstop "is this what DH would have wanted?". When my FIL died, he did leave a skeleton of a trust, luckily just enough to have a jumping off point. We struggled a LOT with trying to guess what he would have wanted. I waded into it, just b/c I wasn't really emotionally involved and I could quickly make decisions and the 3 kids could say "Oh, yeah, that will work." Took them 4 days to simply plan a short, simple funeral. The casket was the most expensive one they make. His headstone is almost embarassingly huge.
Everyone is going to die, it's unavoidable. Making your wishes known and then legalizing the transfer of "power" is a gift you give your family.
It's burying the head in the sand and I speak from experience as Spouse also refuses to have things down on paper. It's as if he trusts only me to carry out his wishes; for example, he's stated where he wants to be buried yet hasn't made any arrangements or saved money for it (it's an expensive cemetery and interment).
Make sure your name is on EVERYTHING! You dont need a will if you have joint bank accounts, your the beneficiary on his life insurance, and make sure your name is on the deed to both houses, yours and his mothers house! Heres where it gets tricky ( I used to do mortgages) make sure the wording on the deed with your name is clear. Normally people just put their names on the deed and thats it, you have to have, “Joint tenants with rights of survivorship” put on the deed to both your home and his moms home. This is kind of like a will for the house. Right of survivorship is saying “hey if I die the house goes to my spouse” without a will. It is crucial that you have that wording on the deed to his moms house!
He has stocks, is your name anywhere on them? If not you will have to talk to a lawyer about this one.
Im the administrator of my fathers estate and he has stocks, because they are part of the estate, therefore part of the probate. Because my name wasnt on them I have to gain control to sell them. More paperwork, phone calls, court date.
Im going through probate right now with fathers estate, and its a pain in the butt! Court dates and miles and miles of paperwork!
Bottom line is: protect yourself now so that if he passes before you, you wont have a nightmare to deal with!
Probate is a nightmare! Avoid it! Have everything in order now for your future piece of mind.
If so it would go to you but if not any far distant relative could step in and say that that is the family homestead and they have rights to it.
If your husband dies before you everything he has would go into probate and it can be involved and take a while as well.
You could make an appointment with a lawyer for yourself and say that he has to go with you while you make out your Will he will have to witness it and there may be questions he would help you with. This way the appointment would be for YOU for YOUR will not his and he may get a bit of an eye opener.
As for him if he still does not want to make a Will of his own there is a document on line called Five Wishes it is legal in many states, it will say what states it is legal, but this will give him a starting point to give direction to you and others regarding his wishes.
Can't be bothered
Doesn't want to think about it
Doesn't want to talk about it
Plans to Get Round To It, not now, leave me alone.
Doesn't want to tempt Fate
Wishes to contribute to the lawyers' and officials' benevolent fund in the shape of otherwise wholly avoidable fees?
If he is not stating some active objection but just moans and grumbles when you remind him about the job, perhaps you could ask your lawyer if it might be possible to draft "mirror wills" - you each leave everything to the surviving spouse, whichever way round that might happen, minus any legacies to minor beneficiaries such as charities or relatives. That would save your husband any trouble beyond signing his half in front of witnesses, which surely shouldn't task him unduly.
If he is stating an objection, and seems to resent your even asking him to get this done, do you think there's something else going on?
I like the idea of mirror wills except I come from a big family and he has no living relatives except a cousin he rarely sees.
You have to remember after he dies everything goes into probate unless your name is also on deed. A Will makes the Judge's job easier and will not take 2 years, but generally less than a few months. Without a will everything goes into probate and you won't have access for about 2 years.
If your will leaves all your property to him and you die before him-and he has no will- all your property will be distributed according to the intestate laws of your state. You may end up leaving your worldly goods to your husband's second cousin!
I don't think you can force him to make a will. But I would definitely check the intestate laws of your state. And organize as many of his and your assets as possible to be paid on death to a beneficiary. Those accounts will pass as you have chosen They will be outside if the process usually used to distribute an estate.
Make sure you both have all assets in both names to make it easier.
When it was time for my parents to update their Wills, they stalled and made excuses. I decided it was time to use a "therapeutic fib" to get the ball rolling. I told Dad due to new State laws, he needs to get his Will updated otherwise the State could take half of his estate. That got his attention, and quickly we were sitting in front of an Elder Law Attorney to update everything legal that my parents needed. Whew.
You can consult an attorney about this with out your husband's involvement, depending on what you learn is the battle you choose.
There may be probate, depends on your state of residency. Here, everything that's mine is hubby's and vice versa.
I got my MIL to make a will when I told her that she couldn't just leave everything put and the kids could just split it 3 ways. When I told her that TOTAL STRANGERS would be going through her stuff, she freaked out. "My UNDERWEAR DRAWER??" (technically, yes, realistically, no) That alone was enough to send her racing to an attorney.
My hubby had to be dragged to the attorney's. Making a will (trust) made him feel like he was human and might die. (this is a man who had liver cancer, a liver transplant, a stroke, heart surgery, several serious rock climbing accidents, 2 heart attacks and many car wrecks. I will be amazed if he makes it to 80).
However, once we did the nitty gritty of the trust, he was intrigued by it and how we put things together. I did 90% of the work, he just sat through a couple meetings and had a few things to say. He refuses to even talk about any funeral plans, but trust me, this guy has walked up to death so many times, I have pre- planned his funeral at least 6 times. That actually is the LEAST of my worries.
One thing that helped was me reminding him what a hassle his dad's estate was (he was executor) Dad had a partially finished trust--and DH spent a LOT of wasted hours running around getting forms and stuff b/c his dad simply wouldn't do it.
Also, I begged him to please, please, please get this done. I hate to nag, but sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.
I just turned 60 (as did my husband). We have a Will, but now I'm at the point where I'm ready to sit down with an estate planner/lawyer and make sure every "i" is dotted and every "t" is crossed. We're dealing with elderly aunt and uncle who did not plan for the possibility that they would someday need care. This has been one of the saddest, hardest paths any couple could have to face, and I don't want to put my children (or niece or nephew) through this horrible situation.
My parents did a fantastic job getting their Wills and Trust properly set up, and I for one am extremely grateful—what a gift of love!
Do you have durable power of attorney? Should you need to sell those stocks in order to pay for his care, you need authority to do so.
One of my oldest and dearest friend's husband died without a will. If I recall correctly, probate took 2 YEARS. She had to contact her attorney to access money to pay property taxes on the house where she moved as new bride. Her husband also had inherited his house from his parents and her name wasn't on the deed.
Dying without a will left her a whole big mess and fixing it took years. She was very angry with him and she was his caregiver for the last 5 years of his life. He was bedridden.
Nowadays, dying is costly enough that he shouldn't knowingly risk putting his wife through probate.
Has he preplanned his funeral?
I think you may need to have someone talk some sense into your husband.
I would be very hurt by his unwillingness to put in writing the fact that he wants you to have his worldly goods. Probating an estate where there is no will is much more difficult and expensive than one where there is a will. In essence, he's telling you that you're going to be left to clean up his mess.
Would he consider a trust?
My husband wasn't big on a will but we had two girls to think about.
For you a will would be pretty cut and dry, what is mine is yours.
Usually people do not want to make a will because they don't want to talk about death.
Blessings
hgn