My husband’s dementia has progressed. He has good moments and bad moments, but mostly agitation and sadness now. He is in AL now but now required to go to MC. The MC at this facility looks awful. Everyone is in their wheelchair with their heads low and mouth open. It seems so depressing. My main question is this. My husband wants to die. How do I respond to this? He is so depressed and is ready to go. We do not have state assisted suicide here. He is just miserable and unfortunately is making my life a living hell. I love my husband so much, I’m just trying to make him happy but having no luck at all. His children live far away. He wants to go back to his hometown to die. I did take him back for 6 months to an AL there and I drove 4 hours each way every week to see him. I quit my job in order to be with him. It was suggested to move him back to where I live so my life would be easier. I moved him, he is required to go to MC now and he is so depressed, he tells me he wants to die. I don’t know how to emotionally handle this. My life has pretty much fallen apart and I know how miserable he is. I detest these MC facilities in the coast of SC. Is there anything I can do?
What is there to say to our loved one? Basically "I understand; I would feel the same. We just don't have that choice, so we have to get on with this day".
Don't negate his feelings. Allow him to mourn his losses.
For my brother--as it happens he got sepsis and DID die after 1 1/2 years and without further losses. I was very glad for him.
I would consult with hubby's MD to see if he can try a mild anti depressant. In the case of a friend in TX her mother, who disengaged and became non verbal, almost without reaction, she was put on mild cannabis. And while she still doesn't know her family she is content, smiling, eating.
Short of those things I simply don't have an answer. Dr. Laura says that "not everything can be fixed" and in the area of dementia she couldn't be more correct. Listen to hubby, let him know you mourn his losses with him. I would join FEN (50.00 membership); 866-654-9156 and www.finalexitnetwork.org. )
Right to die laws are progressing. It is good to stay informed.
It would be worthwhile to get friendly with the staff at the MC and to talk to the admins about using your husband as a "helper" so that he's not hanging out with those of less ability than him. Does the facility have any activities or events? Encourage him to go or go with him (and then exit before the event is over so he is distracted to avoid sadness).
I'm so sorry for these circumstances. May you receive peace in your heart. Please make your own self and health a priority and do lots of self-care!
Look into joining an in person support group in your area, getting out with friends, and not allowing YOUR life to fall apart in the process of dealing with your husband's condition. If you have faith, join a church and seek counsel from the clergy or look into therapy. Don't let grief consume you.
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
You can’t make him happy. No doubt dementia is way worse for them (until a certain point)… I’d be depressed, sad and angry about it too most likely.
Medication is all I can think of.
Please take care of yourself, I'm sure that is the last thing on your mind right now. But you need to try. 😞
These horrible illnesses cannot be fixed or cured. You can only try to be supportive as possible. Easier said than done. Nothing you can do will make him happy.
All I can suggest is prepare yourself. You will need a job again afterward to survive. I don't know what I'd say when he talks wanting to die. Mine wanted to live so bad instead.