Friends tend to fall away once the dementia takes hold. People my mom's age were understanding when I first packed her up to be with me. I think it's the acceptance of the changes that come with aging. And most will agree that their friends should be closer to their families, so they will understand.
If they are spry and able to still get out and about, and this were more an 'age in place' kind of thing then it would be nice for them to be near friends. But if they are facing some limitations due to the dementia or aging then they should be closer to you.
Friends tend to fall away once the dementia takes hold. People my mom's age were understanding when I first packed her up to be with me, but I think it's the acceptance of the changes that come with aging. And most will agree that their friends should be closer to their families, so they will understand.
If they are spry and able to still get out and about, and this were more an 'age in place' kind of thing then it would be nice for them to be near friends. But if they are facing some limitations due to the dementia or aging then they should be closer to you.
I would ask them what is best for them. I would take into consideration who visits the most. Which visits they enjoy the most. And how often you must visit in terms of helping them out with shopping, appointments, outings.
Do whatever is best for YOU. My father put his friends before me my entire life. They were always more important. Then he got old and no one came around anymore. Suddenly I was important, but I didn't fall for it. He was a bit too late. I did things that worked for me and made my life easier because he sure as heck wasn't concerned about that.
I am identifying with your answer. I had the same situation all my life with my mom. After looking at several places that were close to my home and approximately half an hour away, I chose The one that was a half an hour away because I felt as though it was better care, cleaner and more friendly for my mom. She has made friends there and really enjoys having her lunches with them, etc., even though she has dementia and so do many others they’re in different degrees. I work full-time so I would not be there every day anyway. I was actually relieved to seeThat someone had a parent that was moreCaring about their friends. Everyone must remember that our parents friends age along with them and eventually will not be visiting them anyway. It’s sad but it’s true and visiting falls on us. I do feel as though my mom now does appreciate seeing me when she does, so I say make some memories with her now so I feel better about the past. Thank you for your comment it was very helpful to me
My preference for my LO would be “near me”, and that decision worked great while caring for my mother, who lived to 95, then subsequently HER baby sister (died recently at 94).
This worked well to do early or late visits, bad weather, her emergencies, and so on.
Friends come and go, get sick themselves, travel, grow too old to be faithful visitors…..
Fawnby is spot on. I can count on two fingers of one hand how many times friends came to visit mom in her memory care AL and she was there just under 3 years. Same with family, albeit a few more times. I was IT. Truth is, nobody wants to deal with the reality of dementia up close and personal and witness the decline they see in their old friend or loved one. It's a tough pill to swallow, so only the strongest among us actually put our own feelings aside, suck it up and DO it. Sad but true.
Near you. No matter how much they promise, and no matter how much they care, these friends will dwindle away because of their own deteriorating health, lack of interest, or dying. It happens. Then you're stuck with a two-hour round trip every time you visit your parents, and that gets old really fast.
It happened in my family and to others I know.
Think of how to make this easy on yourself, because hereafter you'll be called upon to do many things that you don't want to do. This, at least, might be something you can set up now to help yourself later.
Mom had a stroke and we realized how very important it was for one of us to be really close by to get to the hospital if she had a medical emergency.
Somewhere down the road, you are going to need them close by you.
If they are spry and able to still get out and about, and this were more an 'age in place' kind of thing then it would be nice for them to be near friends. But if they are facing some limitations due to the dementia or aging then they should be closer to you.
If they are spry and able to still get out and about, and this were more an 'age in place' kind of thing then it would be nice for them to be near friends. But if they are facing some limitations due to the dementia or aging then they should be closer to you.
This worked well to do early or late visits, bad weather, her emergencies, and so on.
Friends come and go, get sick themselves, travel, grow too old to be faithful visitors…..
Better “near” for all concerned.
It happened in my family and to others I know.
Think of how to make this easy on yourself, because hereafter you'll be called upon to do many things that you don't want to do. This, at least, might be something you can set up now to help yourself later.