My mom cannot get up in the morning. She is very hard of hearing and stubborn. Any ideas on how to wake her remotely?

Yes, spend the $500 for the services available to wake her up at a regular time so she can eat and get ready for the day. That fee is cheap at the price to keep her healthy & out of a full service Assisted Living Facility which would cost many thousands of dollars per month. See what else that service covers that can be utilized in addition to the wake up calls she needs; perhaps she can use some help getting showered or dressed? Just look into it fully.

Your mother needs a higher level of care.

Get a "needs" assessment from the local Area Agency on Aging. Make sure you are there to guarantee the accuracy of what they are being told.

Pay for the care package and use all that you can.
As an aside, there are shake and wake alarms for deaf people. They vibrate the bed.

I assume she's not hearing an alarm clock. Have you considered a vibrating alarm clock that is used by deaf people? That might wake her enough to get out of bed in time for breakfast. For my dad I used reminders set on an Amazon Alexa but, although he was hard of hearing, he was able to hear the alarm reminder if it repeated enough.

First 2 things that come to my mind are;
1. Depression. Is she depressed & if so, is anything being done for it?
2. Sleeping pills. Is she taking any (or any other meds with sedative effect)? If so, is she taking them too late in the day?
Have you or her discussed this issue with her Doctor?

There are some alarm clocks that can be set to flash a bright light. I agree that the $500 seems steep, but probably comparable to having a private aid come by to do the same thing daily? And compared to AL it's a cheaper option,

On your profile you wrote: "I am caring for my mother Terry, who is 89 years old, living in independent living with age-related decline and vision problems."

Your mother is nearly 90 years old. It's time for you to tell her that she is getting the assisted services available at the *bargain* price of $500 per month because she needs to get up, do her morning toilette, eat her breakfast, and be ready for what her day holds. If she needs a mid-afternoon nap keep it to about 30-minutes.

She needs the assisted services to avoid landing in the hospital again. Hospitals at her age are especially dangerous. Have you heard about hospital-acquired infections?

But also recognize that your mother is nearly 90 years old and, at that age, her body may be slowing down, which is natural. Support her by making sure that she accepts the assisted services she deserves.

When we were going through this with my in-laws we played up the "this is peace of mind for all of us" angle. It took several conversations and us being a "peace of mind" broken record but we got it done.

Some questions:

Does she drink coffee or anything with stimulants to keep her awake at night?
Does she have heavy meals at night?
Does she snack at night before bedtime?

Is there some way you can get a package of turkey for her to nibble on before bedtime?  Turkey contains tryptophan and helps to induce sleep.

Is she taking any evening medicines that cause her to sleep more?  Or be physically fatigued?

Also, Beatty's 2 questions are equally relevant.

Have you tried an alarm clock that uses light instead of sound . It blinks and gets brighter and brighter . Move it away from the bed but close enough for her to see. If she wakes and just doesn’t want to get to you may need a higher level of care

We used an alarm that would shake the bed. Amazon carries a digital alarm with a buzzer that is used under the pillow or the mattress along with levels of alarm. It’s under $50. My mother-in-law was almost completely deaf and she loved it.

I am curious - what happens if you let her sleep. What time does she wake up naturally?? What happens if she sleeps in??

You might ask around and see if anyone is using a caregiver from outside of the facility. They might have someone who would be able and willing to stop by your mom's for an hour to help her get up, dress, and eat breakfast, and only charge you for an hour a day.

Make a detailed list of you mother’s daily routine. Refine the list into a doable list of chores and activities. Pay for the service and make the most of it. Compared to memory support, $500.00 is a bargain. It will also be a way for your mother to get used to the extra assistance she might need in the future.

I liked the responses of letting her sleep. My mom is a night owl and now that she is 84 and in assisted living, I got her a echo show 8 so I can drop in to see her. I also got a nanny cam so I know when she is there. When she was living with us, I put a smart plug on her lamps and had them turn on at a certain time in the morning to wake her. I also have Alexa tell her what time it was. (Note: if you tell Alexa to speak slower, she will! And you can have her repeat 3 times). I found that mom is sleeping more and more but will also keep the schedule at times. I just stopped worrying about it and pray for her. She has snacks in her room and ensure. She has the schedule on her Echo Show of the routines (I linked her calendar and add the activities I think she would like). She goes out when she wants and stays in when she wants and is content. I keep in touch with activities director who, without additional charge, will invite mom to events or specials that are not on the calendar. I really liked the comment on something that shakes the bed but mom would have to love that for it to work. Note: I was fussing with mom about getting up for her meals several months ago and felt bad about it…I prayed about it and when I called mom to apologize I told her that I had forgotten she had a DNR and that I needed to stop making her miserable with my demands/requests. I told her that since we both believe that our days are numbered by the Lord, I have to be okay with her actions and trust that God will care for her. Mom has been wonderful since then. There are times she sleeps through her meals, but she is going most of the time. It appears that when I stopped pushing, she stopped pushing back. We are both at peace now.

Someone else has also mentioned the alarms that have a "shaker" attachment. Worth trying!

They sale loud devise for hard of hearing. They also have land line phones which exceptional Loud Ringing. Have the Aid go over and wake her up anyway then call her while they're there.
Cant' they just bring her a tray?

Dones she have to pay for meals? I'd not, put a small refrigerator and microwave in her room and stock with easy breakfast food like yogurt, apple sauce, breakfast bars, milk, ceral, bananas, juice, meal replacement shakes, Instant oatmeal. You can also buy easy breakfast frozen sandwiches or meals you fix in microwave in 1-3 minutes.

Let her sleep in.
Seniors should be able to get up and go to bed whenever they like. Rather you sleep in or not. Seniors don't sleep well at night.

sounds like she would be better in a NH where they have routines set up in place.......time to sleep at night (bath time, meals, etc). they will wake her up in the morning whether she likes it or not. I don't think they want them sleeping past their breakfast and then trying to get her up/moving before lunch. IF she has the funds, that would be the route to use, if she doesn't have the funds, get in touch with an elder attorney with help in the medicaid process or the local office of aging, or even the NH will help with that process...........wishing you luck.

My mom, in her Nursing Home, was allowed to sleep in and wake up late. She would generally eat breakfast in bed and the aides would dress her after breakfast.

My Mom was a late sleeper - it's very common in the elderly and a habit that you most likely won't break. However, there is something I used for my mother which worked remotely. Amazon echo has an alarm that you can set and shut off remotely. I used it frequently. I need to add that I had also set up wifi cameras that I would use to monitor my Mom from my phone. That way, I could hear the alarm go off, and watch to see if she got up or went back to sleep. My Mom was also hard of hearing (you pick the alarm tone and some are LOUD) and not tech savvy (sometimes she would say "OK I'm up" instead of "Alexa stop") so I could also reset or turn off the alarm from my cell phone whenever I needed to.
You can also program a special message. For instance, my Mom would constantly leave her phone off the hook and forget to return it. So I would program the Echo - "Mom, your phone is off the hook. Put your phone back on the hook!" This was a Godsend for me, as well as the remote cameras (I used Wyze brand). I can't recommend them enough for convenience and peace of mind - and neither item is expensive nor hard to hook up. Best of luck!

wrong thread/sorry

you can get different kinds of alarm clocks that vibrate, Some are worn on the wrist and some have an extension that vibrates the bed. There are also ones with bright lights that wake you up.
Fitbits have a vibrating alarm too.
Huge selection on amazon

You need to deal with your 'breaking point'
* What is causing this?
* Are you (1) aware of what boundaries you need to set; (2) setting boundaries with your time that you are aware of; (3) admit / clear on your abilities? "You can do it all." And you need to maintain your well-being / health to continue to support/help your mother.
- I know this is a tightrope. Exercise, eat healthy, meditate, get enough sleep. Do positive visualizations / affirmations. All these behaviors help you - and others around you.
* Are you able to be clear with your mom of what she needs and do it? or do you give in to her; if you give in, why? Are you intimated by her? You need to learn how and why you react as you do (we all do - and this is an ongoing question we all need ask ourselves as situations change).

IF you can afford extra personalized care:
* Have you enlisted help / support for you, i.e., caregivers (1-2 hours/day) to get her up? And/or ensure she eats a breakfast (hardy) and lunch.
[Note: I worked with a woman during the transition fr her 3 bedroom house to assisted living. She initially figured she wouldn't need me anymore. She soon realized she did. I worked with her for three years, being the liaison between nursing/ administrative/ social worker staff. She also had 'add-on' services. She had the financial means to do this - I realize many families / individuals do not.]

RECOMMENDATION :
* Get a very loud alarm clock and set for 9am every day. These likely do not stop until someone pushes a button.
* You do not mention her limitations of walking, etc., If she can get up and walk a few feet, put the alarm clock on a table a few feet away - or in another room perhaps. [Be aware that in the quasi-waking state, her balance and awareness may not allow her to be walking - of not trying to rush to turn it off.'

* Yes, Assisted Living 'add on' services are very expensive. Isn't right as a person ages to have to pay more and more and more. That's another email or webinar.

* If not the alarm in the mornings, someone there 2-4 or 2-5 to insure she eats a lunch and dinner - ?

* Have you checked into medication - to help her get to sleep earlier so she'll wake up earlier?

* Others may have other tech ideas I don't know about.

Gena / Touch Matters

Just want to point out that the original poster is correct in saying that the resident can refuse any of the extra services at any time and the staff must comply with those wishes. Very frustrating! I was paying extra for showers and escort to dining room, and my Mom was saying “No thank you”, “ I don’t need that” - which meant no service was given although I was still paying!
Soon after, I moved Mom into Memory Care - more expensive, but at least they saw to all her needs without fail.

One time I was given a handicapped room in a chain hotel. We learned that when the phone rang there was a yellow strobe light on the ceiling that would go on. I found an inexpensive defice to use with landline phone that might help. https://www.bestbuy.com/site/krown-kmft-793-visual-flasher-white/4014014.p?skuId=4014014&ref=212&loc=1&ref=212&loc=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwgb6IBhAREiwAgMYKRjqScP-Zk5bSFiJKjspu5EF3BCIWawa0IIKtDcF

(PS - I raised a stepson that was VERY hard to wake and get moving in the morning. I found a cute and funny alarm clock that was VERY loud and was a Marine Sergeant's voice that would YELL like he was talking to enlistees in bootcamp. It worked! He got out of bred, never missed eating breakfast and never missed the school bus.)

There are motion alarm clocks that shake the bed.

cdelling: Imho, perhaps your mother requires more than the Independent Living facility that you state she is in in your profile.

If she is so stubborn that it is affecting her health, she may have progressing dementia and you might have to consider placing her into a different type of place where she can be properly looked after. If you don't want to do this and can't get her to stop her stubbornness, look at it this way - she knows what is happening but refuses to work with the situation. She is making her bed, so let her lie in it. Don't feel guilty. It is not you. This is a tough way to look at it but it is realistic. DO NOT BRING HER INTO YOUR HOME. You will open a can of big problems.

You have gotten some excellent comments on using an alarm designed for the deaf which are readily available in many models with options for strobe lights and/or under the pillow vibrators. You can find some of them at places like Amazon or a very wide variety of signalers at https://www.diglo.com/ which is a specialty store for the Deaf and hard of hearing.

However the questions was how to wake her remotely. Well there are also similar devices which will flash or vibrate when a phone call is coming in and you can call her and get the flasher going. In fact there are devices that will do this job for either the phone ringing or the alarm going off.

Some also suggested having someone come in and wake her and if that is an option that she would not resist as many might, why not just get one of the other residents in her AL that she is friends with come in and do that without costing anything other than giving treats and gifts like we do giving tips to others that provide a service or us like the mailman, etc.

Sometimes there are services that won't include a package for first level services.
For example, meals.
Meals are provided by the senior apartment?

If you change to have her morning meals delivered to inside her apartment, just the delivery may wake her up (hopefully at no extra cost).

I am thinking of the meals on wheels program, often delivering without charge.
This is for homebound elders. The volunteers often check on the welfare of the meal recipient when they deliver the meals. It seems a small ask of the senior apartment management. If they cannot do it for free, maybe meals on wheels can come to the apartment?

Think about it and get creative.

Google "bed shaker alarm." There are some inexpensive ones.