She reads the tv really well and can spell and knows her right from her left. She sometimes says I'm not stupid and I tell her I know you aren't, you are just tired and get confused. It seems like all she wants to eat is potato chips and she loves Kitkats; that's all she wants to eat. It's a battle come meal time. I give her Ensure several times a day so she gets some nutrients. She doesn't like the food that she has always eaten. She always wants to go home and calls for her Mom all the time. In the last week she keeps crying that she wants my brother home.
Hearing our Loved Ones begging for lost family is heartbreaking to us, but you need to bear in mind that your mom isn’t able to use the parts of her brain that in the past helped her understand where people are and why they aren’t with her, or why she can’t do things like remembering facts, like she used to do.
Unless you have a very strong feeling that telling her she has Alzheimer’s/dementia will help her, it may be kinder to her to tell her “We all have trouble remembering things every now and then, so let’s not worry about it right now. You’re still safe here with me and I love you, and I won’t let anything happen to you or hurt you.”
I think I’d tell her that I ran out of chips and Kitkats or that there were none in the store when I shopped, but that I’d get her some the next time I went, then sneak in something else. Some of the Ensure drinks contain an excessive amount of sugar. Have you tried a home made smoothly with fruit unsugared yoghurt and a little protein powder?
Try not to fight with her about her eating. You may have better luck offering small amounts of foods every couple hours.
Many people in early to middle stages of dementia retain abilities like hers, and you can compliment her on things she is still able to do. Otherwise try to go along with what she’s saying, without attempting to correct her.
Take good care of yourself, as much as you can. You’re important too.
You will not even have to say the word as she does not want to hear it and will likely forget you told her anyway. Be the kind, caring and loving daughter that you are and continue to give her the nourishments she needs and the love, and acceptance she will need for the rest of her days.
Take Care
She knows her brain is not working the way it did before.
You can tell her and she will "forget" the words but she still knows something is "wrong"
If she likes her chips and KitKats (and who doesn't) use them as a bargaining chip (no pun intended) to get her to eat as much of a meal as you can get her to eat.
But pick your battles. Sometimes getting medication into her or into a shower is more important than eating a few more peas or another spoonful of meatloaf.
Use her best time of day to your advantage. If she is better in the morning then give her a larger more hearty meal in the morning and then you don't have to be as concerned later in the day when she is tired and her brain is trying to process all that it has taken in during the day.
(My Grandma always said we should eat Breakfast like a King, Lunch like a Prince and Dinner like a Pauper )
When she says she wants to go "home" and wants her Mom that means she wants to be reassured that she is safe, she is cared for, she is loved. Tell her that and keep telling her that it will make her feel better.
Pick your battles. She knows things aren't right, so there's no need to articulate it to her. Just keep giving her the Ensure and encouraging a bite here or there of better food.
As far as 'telling her' she has dementia, it won't serve any purpose, really. She's likely to forget 2 minutes after you tell her, or it won't register to begin with. And if it does, it may upset her needlessly. Since she's not living in Assisted Living, there's no need to explain why she 'needs to live there for her own safety' like many of us with demented parents must do.
I suggest you get her a baby doll and a blanket to swaddle the baby in. Oftentimes, with advanced dementia at play, and a need to go home or to see her son, your mom can benefit by 'taking care of' a baby and being useful again. And feeling needed. They make Alz. baby dolls for lots of $$$$. You don't need one of those. Try one like this for under $20:
https://www.ebay.com/itm/11-28cm-Lifelike-Newborn-Reborn-Silicone-Vinyl-Baby-Girls-Doll-Toys-Kids-Gift/264811227887?_trkparms=aid%3D1110006%26algo%3DHOMESPLICE.SIM%26ao%3D1%26asc%3D225086%26meid%3Df2b86fcc8c62448bbfedb593251a0593%26pid%3D100005%26rk%3D6%26rkt%3D12%26mehot%3Dco%26sd%3D324318366131%26itm%3D264811227887%26pmt%3D1%26noa%3D0%26pg%3D2047675%26algv%3DSimplAMLv5PairwiseWebWithDarwoV3BBEV2b%26brand%3DUnbranded&_trksid=p2047675.c100005.m1851
Women in particlar (but also men) love holding babies when they're afflicted with dementia/ALZ. It brings them a sense of comfort that pills seem to miss the mark on.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. Sending you a hug and prayer for peace & guidance.
Check out health food stores and see if you can find some chips that are a little bit better for her.
You can also make her shakes that satisfy her sweet tooth and gets nutrition in her. An apple is a great addition and provides plenty of fiber and nutrients, there are protein additives that you can use to make sure that she is getting good protein, which is so important for healing.
Be creative and know that wanting sugary foods is so common as tastes change as we age and that seems to be something that we can still taste.
Your mom is blessed to have you. May you find a way to satisfy your desire to care for her nutrition as well as possible and her desire for junk food.