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My Mom days she is a Christian and always quotes the scriptures to you. She has never treated her children…myself and 4 other siblings as such! We all have different stories of how she treated us. My youngest sister who lives 10 minutes away NEVER checks on her. The other 3 live in California and I live in Philadelphia. The others live in California. She was diagnosed with Dementia last year however I knew something was wrong with her 2 years ago. I have been trying to be there for her in spite of how she has treated me. I travel down the road to do everything for her and she never has been appreciative! She pulls her pants down and tells me to kiss her butt! She sometimes lets me give her a bath but for the most part she won’t! She has called the cops on me and tells lies! I know that she knows what she is doing she forgets SOMETIMES what she said but when she is saying or doing these things she is definitely aware! I’m so burnt out! I spent a year always crying and reaching out to my siblings for help but they never come! She hasn’t had a bath in almost 2 months and she doesn’t care! I’m starting to take my frustration out on my husband which isn’t fair! I put a camera in her apartment to watch her and she talkative herself and asks God to put me on my death bed! It truly hurts me! I want to just give up! She refuses any outside help and I'm so tired! What do I do?!

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Walk away. Call Adult Protective Services and report an elder at risk. Contact your siblings and tell them that you are done caring for your mother and if, as a family, you can't come up with a care plan for her, she will be made a ward of the court.
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Ariadnee Dec 2021
Yep....that's perfect!
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I'd call the department of Aging in your Mom's township. Next, call the local Bar Association for reccomendations for elder specialist lawyers-they generally reccomend three people. Initial visit/phone call with these lawyers should be free. Have your questions/concerns written down-keep it short, no more than five things. Also explain the camera set up in your mom's residence-stuff like that can get dicey legally. Who has Power of Attorney? Need to draw that up. Siblings obviously do not care-ok-move on, not your problem. Do have a nice chat with your husband, keep the lines of communication open with him and explain how this is affecting you and your frustrations/situation with him.
Otherwise, step away, this is not going to get better, time to set healthy boundries.
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Clearly, as hard as you try, you're not doing yourself or your mom any favor by trying to take care of her against her will. I suspect your mother has some mental illness, or personality disorder. I am guessing you're not trained in this area.

The loving and Christian thing to do for BOTH of you is to let go and allow your mother to become a ward of the state, so that she can be taken care of in a nursing home by the professionals, and for you to reclaim your life. The life you're leading now is a sure way to an early grave.

Do not feel guilty. Your mother needs way more medical help than you or your siblings are trained or capable to give.

Follow Maple's advice.
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