She lives in her own house with 24/7 aid. Whenever I visit she asks me what can I do? I just sit here all day I want something to do. I tried puzzles, books, magazines, even bought her crochet needles and yarn (used to do that years ago I thought long term memory would help) but she says her hands hurt her. I'm open to any suggestions.
What were her hobbies/interests when she was younger?
There are string instruments and bells that require very little finger use, that produce sweet gentle tones that are lovely.
WEST MUSIC has some that might catch her ear, and I’ll find a couple more web pages and post them.
As a trained musician, learning a new instrument and playing it EVERY SINGLE DAY has been a lifeline for me during these dreary discouraging months.
I hope some music may be a blessing to your mom!
Did mom ever play an instrument, Only?
folding clothes
Folding towels
If you do not have an abundance of spare socks or towels pick up a bunch form a resale store.
Can you give her a bunch of magazines and have her cut out recipes?
She can then tape or glue the recipes to a piece of paper.
Is there a box of "stuff" in her attic or basement that she can go through and sort out items to "keep, toss, donate, sell" this project might bring back some memories as well so it could slow the project or if she has no connection to them it will be easy to go through the boxes.
Folding laundry and basic household tasks are something she can do. But that's all done for her in her memory care unit. And that only takes a few minutes to do. It's hard to visit (not since COVID outbreak,) since there's nothing to talk about with her other than rehashing old memories and gossip over and over again.
She loves to arrange flowers. So, I bought several floral plastic containers with foam inside, and a big load of plastic flowers from the dollar store. I separated each flower from the big stems, so each flower can be picked up individually. I placed the floral containers at 4 places round her room with the flowers. She then arranges the flowers on her own and really enjoys doing it. Once or twice a day, I undo the flower arrangements (when she's out of her room) so she can start again.
The other thing that I have her do is hang clothes. I take from her closet a couple dozens of her pants or shirts and pile them on her bed with the hangers next to them. I tell her that these are her newly laundered pants/shirts, and that she can put them on the hangers and then put them away in the closet. She does this everyday.
I like the sorting/matching socks idea. I'm going to try that next week.
I also plan to make a small fidget blanket to hang on the wall, one with lots of little flowers attached to the end of the zippers so she can move them up/down and sideways to rearrange them. Can't find anything like that online.
When I can supervise, I ask her to wash some dishes and sweep the floor. Then I redo the chores.
They are kind of expensive to buy. I wonder what it would cost to make. I bet it would be fun to make.
Mom does really well sorting a big bowl of change into smaller bowls by coin. She also likes looking through boxes of greeting cards and sorting them by "type". We go to estate sales and pick up boxes of miscellaneous cards for a few dollars and this keeps her busy for hours.
I have been known to spend way too much time in opportunity shops looking at old greeting cards... that's my sunset years sorted then 😁
Have a schedule to call all the family members - different one each day.
Help aide with lunch and laundry.
Short Bible studies.
Record memories from her younger days and put photos with them.
I talked about this with a lady of 92 who is being driven up the wall by having nothing to do. At first when we visited this home we were supporting her husband, even older, and we all thought he must be the most terrible tyrant because of how this sweet elderly lady scurried around fetching and carrying and cooking and cleaning. But now she's put her shoulder out, so she needs temporary support with personal care and rehab, and we see the truth of it - she just can't bear to sit still.
Prior to COVID when I used to attend an Alzheimer's support group, the group leader who was a retired nurse and did drug testing for employees at our largest utility company would make the fidget blankets and pass them out to those of us caregivers who wanted to give them to our loved ones and even though it wasn't an actual activity, it helped with giving them a sense of security - kind of like Linus carrying around his blanket in Charlie Brown and Snoopy programs.
I would think sorting change would be a good thing that a man would enjoy doing too.
My grandma plays solitaire on her tablet (I’ve tried other games and she can’t seem to figure them out) and paper organizing keeps her occupied as well.
My mother likes to cut things out of newspapers and magazines. She has her own purposes for it (unbeknownst to me) but you could create one for her, if she needs a reason.
I have a ton of shredding that needs to be done. My grandkids do it sometimes when they are here, but this would be perfect for Mama.
Thanks so much for this idea!
I also give him the task of clearing the table after meals. I will use paper plates so he can help. He does a pretty good job if I set the trash can near him. He can also help make sandwiches if I walk him through it.
There are many tasks that dementia patients can do.
Look at the shelves in the hobby shop, try scrapbooking. Print up pictures and buy some emblems, she might like putting scrapbooks together. The memories are good for her too.
I really like how you've helped your dad be involved with your own daily tasks making it a win-win for the both of you. It made me smile thinking of him helping you while you walk him through it as needed!
You've been doing so good with your dad -
I do think that individuals get to a point that they need prompting and instructions for the simplest tasks. Like they forget how to hold a pen or zip a zipper type thing and then they can not articulate their needs. Most challenging part for me is figuring out what they can actually do, regardless of what they say.
How it your moms mobility? Could she run a chargeable sweeper? That needs to be done daily and is good exercise if she can stand and walk.
What about a feather duster? You could get one with an extended handle if she can not stand and she could do it seated.
My dad was always a working man, so just passing time only works to annoy him. He has to feel like he is working and that is a challenge. Perhaps your mom feels similar?
Is she able to write? Maybe doing little hello cards for the local nursing home to brighten others days would motivate her.
Can you buy reams of colored paper and have her color code them. Like 1 pink, 1 green, 1 white, 1 blue, 1 yellow all the way through? Then have her separate them by color. Since reams are 500 sheets this could be a project that she is doing for the local school or preschool and she is helping a teacher?
I hope that you find something that makes her feel productive.
I think you offered some real good suggestions beginning with giving her a hand massage using pain relief cremes. I use the Aspercreme with Lidocaine version.
The "hello" cards for local nursing homes to brighten others is an excellent idea along with the color coding reams of colored paper for maybe a preschool. Both those activities would take up quite a bit of time helping to pass the day!
Her recollection may or may not be accurate, but get as much info out as you can. This is your family history!
You can go to Family Search or Ancestry and verify the facts later. Even if her memory isn’t totally accurate, what she says will give you hints to the truth.
Names
Dates
Places
Stories behind the events - birthdays, weddings, births, family reunions, divorces, deaths
What a wonderful thing to do is create memories and share those memories with your family! They will become priceless!
checkout. Sometimes I would throw clean towels in the dryer and have her fold them while they were warm. She loved it and she felt needed. I always thanked her and told her I hate folding towels. I miss her everyday.
If she actually wants to crochet, there are ergonomic crochet hooks available with soft, fat grips. You will need to start the first few rows for her. Chose a solid, light color yarn that’s easy to see. Start lap blanket (~3x4 feet) in simple double crochet so there’s no need to count or follow a pattern. My grandmother, a life-long crocheter who was seldom without a project to work on, made many simple blankets this way.
Eventually Gram was reduced to just winding skeins of yarn into balls. It was a familiar task and it satisfied her need to work after she could no longer crochet. You can donate the balls (with the original labels) or unroll the balls into a dishpan or bucket to be rewound. Several colors of yarn make for a satisfying display of a job well done.
Gram was of the generation that was never idle. I remember her telling how she’d do her ironing in the afternoon while watching her soap opera. If she finished before the end of the program, she’d iron diapers to justify the time.
Shredding papers is fantastic. When dad lived with me we even took in papers from neighbors. In some places, you can recycle the shreds. I used it as bedding in the chicken coop, where it composted nicely.
My mom is not as far along with her dementia, so she finds tasks like these boring. She lives in assisted living but doesn't play along with their ideas. She cleans, cleans, & cleans to pass her time & feel useful. Being lonely simply enhances her complaining, unhappy nature. I've searched for activities but unless she's "working on her chores", she's absolutely bored & miserable. Thanks all for suggestions & praying for you, OnlyChildbn.