She is 87. Has been with us for 7 years. Health is definitely deteriorating. We are concerned we will not be able to provide the best care for her when she gets out. May be a good idea for her to go to SNF. Maybe just until she can get back to where she was before the hospital stay. She wasn’t able to do anything then either. We are not up to wiping and porta potty chores. How do I make her see that she is still pretty sick and needs round the clock care? Tough conversations to have. My husband and I are both in our mid sixties, I have medical issues myself and my husband does also. We cannot be lifting, etc. PLEASE HELP! Also we would need to provide a soft, if not liquid diet. Dieticians we are not. Help!
If Mom is moved to SNF that may be temporary, as is rehab, but those facilities should have social services as well, and do know that this is the ideal time to make this move; it is much more difficult from a home situation.
Your Mom may never understand, but you must gently explain that you are sorry, but can no longer provide for her the care she needs. Do not expect there to be no tears; there will likely be great grief in this for all of you, and it is worth grieving, but no one is at fault. No one caused all of this and no one can fix it.
I am so sorry.
Ask to speak to Social Services as soon as possible.
Do not ever entertain the idea of her returning to your home for any reason.
It will suck for both of you in the short term, but it it what it is.
Play hardball with both discharge planning AND your mother. If they and she insist on her being discharged to your home, state firmly state that you will NOT be providing transportation nor will you provide care at home, that you are leaving for several weeks. Mom will need someone to arrange in home care and she will need to figure out how to pay for it.
You are not responsible for your Mother’s care. Keep telling tge hospital that this is an "unsafe discharge" (keep using those exact words) and that mother needs more care than can be SAFELY handled at home.
Drop the guilt. It is blinding you to your mom's REAL needs.
Your plan should be that she never comes back to your home. You and your husband must take care of yourselves now.
You talk to the Social Worker at the hospital and or the discharge planner. Make sure they are FULLY aware that she can not care for herself and that her care is more than you can SAFELY manage at home.
Do not allow them to discharge her to your home,.
And maybe the first conversation you need to have is with your mom.
Tell her that her care is getting to be more than you can SAFELY handle at home.
Tell her that she can not continue to lie with you and expect you to care for her.
If there is an option for her to hire caregivers to come in and care for her you could leave that option open to her.
My family recently had to place my father in a SNF. It is sad that it became necessary for us to do this.
None of this is easy. I wish you a good outcome.
Do not take her back to your house under any circumstances as she needs to be in SNF, refuse to take her, believe me the hospital will find a place for her.
You have dedicated enough of your life to her, now it's time to dedicate time to you and your husband.
Sending support your way!
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