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We do not have a good relationship and he changed the locks on my mom's apt. Among other things, what can I do?

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Steve, you've asked about this before:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/moms-poa-is-in-another-state-the-nursing-home-requested-financial-docs-to-qualify-for-medicaid-the-p-483278.htm?orderby=recent

Did you follow any of the advice?

What kind of sales tax needs to be paid? Does mom own a business?
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Among other things, you could stay out of it. Your mom made her choice to name him POA. Her circus, her monkeys.
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For whatever reason your mom made her nephew her POA. Not you.

Unless your mom of her own free will wants to change this and she is competent and cognitive enough to do this, that nephew will remain her POA. So will your mom do this and is she competent to do so?

IF not then you as her son, will have to go to court to file to attempt to become her guardian or her conservator. And whatever costs it takes to do this are on you to pay. It may or may not be successful.

Realize whatever bills and problems due to what mom or the nephew did / didn’t do then all become your problem once you become her legal guardian. The old issues do not magically go away. They still exist but are all yours. And if your mom still has the ability to go and do things again that were problematic in the past, the pattern will continue.

I’ve read you old posts. Do you have immense time and money to spend to do whatever needed to deal with all this? Fretting about property taxes and now sales taxes are band aids on a much bigger problem. Have the incomplete LTC Medicaid application issues been totally resolved with your moms old NH? Have they allowed her to return? Is there an unpaid NH bill as well? Hospital bills from those 2 runs to the ER? If the POA nephew absconded with her $ then mom needs to file a police report on him.
If there is a sea of bills, unsecured property issues and your mom very deliberately made someone - who lives in another State atop this - other than her son her POA, let mom & that POA deal with it and when it collapses APS will get contacted and a court ordered guardian will happen. The court could ask you to be the guardian.

But if you insist on being involved right now, Really you should be putting down $ - my guess would be 10K /15K - as a minimum retainer for an attorney to start the research on your moms multi state situation and filing for emergency guardianship if she will not do a fresh POA. As there will be the need for a law firm in an other State, it will be $$$$. You need attorneys, not this forum.

Otherwise Fawnby said it best, it’s her circus.
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Now I'm really curious. What is "playing games like a high school b***h?"
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Fawnby Sep 2023
Maybe it’s “playing games like a high school BEACH.” You know, nude volleyball and stuff like that.
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Why is her nephew POA instead of you? Your profile says she's in a nursing home so I'm not sure about this lock thing. What are her sales taxes?

Sounds messy and tricky.
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Steve0383 Sep 2023
He plays games like a high school b***h. Talks very highly about himself, but I think many mistakes are due to him being computer illiterate.
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How does one avoid paying sales taxes?
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Fawnby Sep 2023
I’ve found it helpful not to buy things. LOL
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If you don't have a good relationship with him, how do you know what mistakes he is making? Honestly, when someone comes to this forum complaining that they are being "locked out" by a PoA, sometimes it is for good reasons. We are only getting your side of the story.

Have you tried talking to someone at APS? Is this issue something where they can intervene? If they don't find evidence of a problem, then you will continue to be locked out. If they do decide to intervene, are *you* able to take up all that mess and deal with it?

If you know he is being negligent (and you have hard evidence to prove it) then, as igloo572 has suggested, guardianship through the courts is the option.
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If you have evidence of malfeasance or of inability I would see an elder law attorney. You as the daughter will have an upper hand on getting guardianship of an elder who is severely demented to the point of incompetency in the instance of someone endangering her by mismanaging finances. But you will need proof and you will need an attorney.

A POA has a fiduciary duty to manage finances in protection of the elder who appointed him/her. The person owes YOU no explanation, but must keep meticulous records. The court can summon the POA to present their paperwork. Again, this is a court action.
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