My mother (age 96) lives in assisted living and insists that she is being taken to different rooms each night. Any suggestions?

It may be that she is being moved to other rooms at night: my first guess would be that she is taken to the bathroom on a wheeled commode, and that the mistake being made is that the staff transferring her do not explain step by step what they are doing.

There is a regrettable tendency when more than one member of staff is working with a resident for the staff to talk to each other and not to the resident. The more disabled a person is, with sensory and/or cognitive impairments, the more it becomes *essential* to prompt them verbally through the entire process.

In your mother's case, the process should wind up back in her room with verbal reassurances and visual orientation about where she now is. E.g. "here we are in your room, here is your bed, here is your family photo, here is your quilt."

It may be that she will still not recognise not only her room, but the facility itself as the place where she is at home; but I think she would express that differently when she talks to you. What do you think?

LearningAsIGo, have you contacted the facility medical team to discuss this? Has your mom ever been formally diagnosed by a doctor with cognitive decline? There will come a point where she won't be able to manage her ADLs by herself in AL anymore and it would be advisable for you to prepare for this eventuality. After the lockdown is over, you may want to consider transferring her to a facility near you. When my MIL was in AL she told us all sorts of stories that could not have possibly happened. This is part of cognitive decline and it only gets worse. Your mom's problem that you believe needs solving is just that she get the type of compassionate and appropriate care for her condition. If she is not able to tell reality from delusion, and there is no medication that helps her and she has been checked for a UTI, then she may need MC. I wish you peace in your heart as you figure out how best to help her from afar.

My mother (95 when she recently passed) was already in a Memory Care unit when she started experiencing a very similar paranoid delusion (among others) - except in her case she swore they took several other residents and her to a different place for the night. They went on a bus and everything. When I asked her why she said the staff wanted to "get control of them." She was already diagnosed with moderate dementia at this point. But along with the other delusions, she was so frightened and agitated, it was heartbreaking.
Sure enough it was a really bad UTI. They got her on antibiotics to clear it up and although she continued to have delusions associated with the dementia, they weren't frightening or upsetting.
Have her checked for a UTI.
And good luck.

False Beliefs are just a part of whatever dementia she has.
It might help to have somethings for her to see and have In her room to help her identify her room.
Like the hallways at facilities all look the same, the doors repeat, non-denominational artwork, harsh lighting. For my mom I put up a wreath on her door to help her ID her room. Made a huge HUGE difference. If the place allows door decor or signage, put something on her door or room number to hers so she can recognize it easier. For her room, it is decorated with stuff she can readily ID as hers? Like my mom had this 1960’s lamp that was at her bedside since forever that moved from her home to IL and to 2 NH with her. I brought in curtains and comforter & a chair from her home to the NHs too. For her 2nd NH brought in her old chest of drawers too. All was fine with her roommate. In her room & bathroom, see if you can put up a high shelf with battery operated candles that are set on timers to be on for dusk to dawn.... so if she wakes up, she can look around and see her stuff and hopefully relax as she knows she’s in her room. Plus helps her find the bathroom. Also perhaps put up the usual wall decor of family photos, artwork, clock, mirror, that are in their old frames. New & shiny stuff confused my mom as she would think it wasn’t hers.

Medications can help. My mom was on Remeron, old school drug & for her pretty good for quite a long while to help quell agitation.

Check her blood oxygen levels. It can fall, especially at night with shallow breathing or if she breathes through her mouth if she has sinus congestion. My Mother was in the hospital last Fall and I noticed when her blood oxygen levels decreased she told us of being moved to different rooms. Once she insisted they took her to the police station. Prior to the pandemic you could get a pulse oximeter at the drug store but they are scarce. Check your health apps on your smart phone, my husband's android has a pulse oximeter included but my iPhone doesn't.

Last year when my mom started with more profound mental/ emotional issues, I felt they were rooted in anxiety, and there are several meds to try. (Yes, do request a test for UTI.) If you want to start light/OTC first, there are some good ‘hemp seed oil’ supplements on Amazon (I get one from Colorado, veteran-owner business) or you can look into CBD supplements. The Dr would have to agree, but I can’t see him/her arguing. Also, a high-quality Vitamin B complex does a lot for nerves. I just think anxiety is so likely and common. If she’s able to get more exercise and time outside these would also help.
I don’t know what this would look like?? but you and the staff could try some way to go along with it.. ‘sometimes we change people’s room overnite so we can clean the rooms, and they can enjoy sleeping other places.’ If there is a social worker on staff at the facility, seek them out and put them to work. If there’s a visiting geriatric psych Dr for the facility (there usually is), request an evaluation. Best wishes, I know this is hard.

You might want to check to make sure none of this is actually happening. For example, my mother was moved to another room when the nursing home decided to paint her usual room, and she also moved when we all decided a different roommate would be better for her. Is it possible your mother was moved once or twice, and now thinks it's an everyday occurrence?

Have her checked for urinary infection. You would think facilities would check this out immediately without being asked (since it is sooo common), but they don't. The infections create the very issue that you have described - being moved around, traveling, people having affairs with their spouse, etc.

She is probably experiencing Sundowner's Syndrome. As the evening comes on, things look different. Your mother is probably also tired and more easily confused or frustrated. Talk with staff about getting her to her room earlier, putting on more lights (shadows are confusing), and developing a routine. If she is becoming difficult to manage in the evenings, the facility should let you know. He doctor could prescribe a mild anti-anxiety agent to help her relax in the evenings.

Call the ALF immediately to make sure they are not 'giving her medications' that you are unaware of. This is against all laws everywhere, by the way, and the only medications that can be given out have to be by doctor's written orders and handed out by LPNs or RNs in an Assisted Living Facility. "Staff" can't just be doling out sedatives to keep residents quiet and sleeping.......nope.

Your mother seems like she's Sundowning, like Taarna said. Can you speak to her doctor about this and about what's happening to her at night with the confusion? He may be able to prescribe something to help her once he's made aware of the situation. Don't bother trying to convince your mom that she's not being moved..........trying to argue with someone who has dementia is impossible. It only frustrates them and makes them argue harder. Just change the subject and divert her attention elsewhere. If need be, acknowledge what she's saying and tell her you'll 'speak to the staff' about her concerns.

Like you said, if they move her to Memory Care, that won't solve her issue. Confusion tends to come and go with the elders, so what's happening now might resolve itself. Then again, it might not. Speak to the doctor, if you're able, and see what s/he has to say about possible medications.

My mother lives in Memory Care Assisted Living and has been in a terrible, foul mood now for the past 2 months. She's very confused in addition to being in a bad frame of mind, so the whole situation is a mess. Not being able to have visitors has really done a number on their psyche's, I think.

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward.