My mother is 93. My father passed 10 years go. If my mother runs out of money, are her children responsible for her care?

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My mother is 93. My father passed 10 years go. If my mother runs out of money, are her children responsible for her care?

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My 93-year-old mother has been scammed twice. She doesn't know how much money she has in her account except what bank tells her. She can't write and has others in assisted living write her checks. She has stock, but is not aware of how much. Are my brothers and I responsible to take care of her if she runs out of money?

Assisted Living Cognitive Decline Medicaid Paying for Care

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Nope. No no no. The checkbook must be taken from her and out of that facility. Her CC too. Tell her the card is expired and you are waiting for a new one. Get her a pre-paid debit card that you load monthly so she has a little spending cash. Have the bills sent to you and you pay them from her account. Get on line with her passwords for all accounts and set alerts that go to your phone when a transaction over a certain amount is trying to post. You can decline it for credit cards right from your phone. And VERY important….freeze her credit so nobody can take out a CC or a loan for her, or for themselves in her name.

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Great advice!!!

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Who is POA? That person is CURRENTLY responsible for safeguarding mom's finances IF she is medically incompetent to do so.

In the case of any aid from governmental programs such as medicaid there will be lookback of anywhere from 2 1/2 years (California) to 5 years on mom's finances. She will need her records to apply and if it is looking like she squandered and "gifted" funds she will not get coverage.

As to the family being responsible certain states have what are called "filial laws" in which family can be held responsible for helping with bills of the elder. These laws are almost NEVER implemented, and would only be in the cases of wealthy wealthy children. I cannot find anywhere a recent case where these laws were used.

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I'm a "media junkie," meaning I read media (newspaper articles, tv news reports online, back side of cereal boxes -- you name it.) I distinctly remember reading an article in the not-too-distant past (meaning, within the last 3 years or so) that said precisely the opposite of what you're stating. The article said that it is a disturbing new "trend" whereby all sorts of medical establishments (hospitals, clinics, doctors' offices, etc.) can and DO go after relatives to settle the bills/debt of people who are not paying what they owe. And, as I recall, it wasn't just referring to children, but even much more distant relatives of someone who is not paying his/her bills.

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What is she writing checks for? Is she still managing her own finances?

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She is writing checks for anything she wants. She can't write but has someone else write. Just found out she saw someone whom had taken out $1000 TWO times on her Discover card. This was after a year ago when she asked to write a man a $5,000 she met online!

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No, you are not responsible to take care of her, but you can expect to have social workers and nurses try to get you involved when the time comes. If you are going to be involved, you will need to have access to her assets, either as financial POA or co owner of all her accounts. You will need access to pay her bills. You will need to get this done before she becomes not competent. If you don't, you won't be able to access her money. You will also be able to apply her for Medicaid when she does run out of money.

As far as you being responsible for hands on care, absolutely not. Ideally you will want to get POA, apply her for Medicaid and place her in a long term care facility.
Then you are somewhat overseeing her care. If you don't get POA and access to her money though, none of that is possible. Social worker may at that point urge you to file for guardianship, but you don't have to do that if you don't want to (that also costs money). If you don't, at that point, she will likely be given over to the State and the state will have complete control over where she lives and is not obligated to include you in anything.

But to answer your question if you and your brothers are responsible, no you are not. If you don't get involved though, you will have no control over what becomes of mom.

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I was a son taking care of my mom. She was always in charge of the family finances growing up, and did a great job budgeting the modest income she and my dad made. As her condition changed, I began taking over the bill paying (most via online accounts). For those bills needing checks, I wrote them out and had her sign them. Each month, I reviewed the bank statement with her. There were no trust accounts, stocks, etc., just SS. I was her POA for medical/financial. I also made sure she received Medicaid (it was a lengthy process requiring much documentation), which was a godsend in helping me keep her safe and content at home.

While I respect the opinion being made by some of those commenting that you have no responsibility, the fact you are asking the question indicates you are very concerned, as you should be. I would have never allowed someone else to have control over my mom's finances.

I suggest you discuss the situation with an attorney pronto to see if any charges are warranted against those involved in scamming your mom. I would also touch base with your state/county office for the aging and county dept. of social services, regarding your state's Medicaid process. Good luck.

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That’s good of you to have been so diligent and honest in overseeing her money. Sadly though it’s sometimes is the other way around, in some families where a child was given poa it would have been better to have a third party to oversee the money bc not all adult children are honest and unfortunately sometimes parents pick one of their children as poa who’s the one it turns out is the last one anyone should have in charge of their money bc of dishonesty and stealing issues

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Your brother with financial POA who won't do anything to help: is he aware that she has been scammed twice to the tune of several thousand dollars, and that she is allowing others access to her credit card and check book?

Nobody has to accept power of attorney, but if you have done then you have accepted a duty to use it. Your brother seems to have missed that bit. It may not make him liable for supporting your mother if she runs out of money but it will leave him with a lot of explaining to do as to why he didn't intervene. Why won't he?

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It is very dependent on the state in which you live. There are 30 states that have filial responsibilities on their books. That being said, the laws are not there to strangle the family, which means they would take a look at your income and what you need to maintain your life as well as save for your own retirement and support your kids through college, etc.

You should probably enlist the help of a certified elder care attorney to guide you and you should definitely get that checkbook and any credit cards out of Mom's hands and out of the facility.. pronto.
Generally, unless your last name is DuPont, when a parent runs out of funds, the family applies for Medicaid. A few things to be mindful of re: Medicaid.
* It can be a long tedious, paper intensive project (bank statements for 3-5 years, etc).
*There is usually a 5 year look over the shoulder which means no extravagant gifts to the children or grandchildren. Some of that scamming that she is subject to now may count which is why you are going to gallop to the facility and grab that checkbook!
*Not all facilities take Medicaid as that payment is much lower than their regular charge. You need to find out now if her current facility will take Medicaid and if they will guarantee her a bed if she goes on Medicaid. I say it that way because many facilities will allocate a small percentage of their beds to Medicaid recipients but if those beds are filled when a long time resident needs one.... well the long time resident is just out of luck and needs to find another accepting facility. In my senior health career I have seen this happen so many times I lost count.
Wishing you good luck and peace in this journey.

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Renee7777, The best comment here has been "Consult an Elder Lawyer". I was appointed many years ago as the POA for my Mother and Stepdad. I was unaware of the responsibilities that came with that title. Fortunately, a seminar was offered at my local library on Elder Care, by a Law Firm. In the seminar they had not only the "legal" expert, but also the "financial" expert. Hiring the Elder Care Law Firm was the best decision I ever made. They help you navigate the Federal and state responsibilities of a Medical and Financial Power of Attorney. If Medicaid becomes necessary, they will help you with that system as well. In this way the family maintains control of the finances and the medical care of their loved one, but has all the resources to help them. I have a few more Gray hairs, but I still have those hairs on my head.

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I am in a very similar situation and have been advised that when my mother runs out of money, she will go on Medicaid. Any money she had has only been spent on her care and I am POA. Care is incredibly expensive, and I can't contribute to my mother's care. Not without bankrupting myself, putting off retirement forever and not helping my college aged kids. She has been in a care home for 3 years and will remain there once she moves onto Medicaid.

I had to take away her credit cards and check book as she spent money in unbelievable ways. If I hadn't, she would have run out of money immediately. If your mother is spending unnecessary money or being scammed, you need to take action as it is easy to spend or give away money.

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Renee777, I think to protect yourself from future horrible hassles, YOU need to see an Elder Law Attorney immediately. The attorney will advise you how to deal with a POA brother who won't intervene on financially scamming being done to your Mom.. BTW the fraudulent spending WILL count against your mother qualifying for Medicaid, during the 'look back period'. The Elder Law Attorney can advise you how to proceed. He might have to send a warning letter to your irresponsible POA for Finances brother. The scamming abuse of your mother must stop. Bank accounts will need to be closed, credit cards cancelled, and your Mom needs a "Credit Freeze" (This involves writing to the 3 Credit Bureaus) as there will likely be credit cards opened in your mother's name (scammer already has your mom's Soc.Sec., I am sure, plus birthday, address, etc). This has to be halted and an attorney will advise you on a plan to shut down avenues of your mother being robbed/scammed. Even if you have to pay the Elder Law Attorney yourself, it will be money well spent as it will protect you in the years ahead from the possibility of getting "dunned" by creditors. Drastic measures that may cost you personally right now, but will protect you in the future.

My mother is 93. My father passed 10 years go. If my mother runs out of money, are her children responsible for her care?

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