I agree we need so much more info. Is the brother the caregiver? Is he the POA? Has this been discussed with Mom's doctor? Has the sister attempted to discuss this with the brother or is this a siblings squabble. We just need a lot more info.
“I am caring for my mother J, who is 89 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, and mobility problems.”
How long has your brother been taking care of your mother at his home? Not to excuse any mistreatment or neglect, but could he be becoming overwhelmed or burned out?
A call to your state Elder Abuse Hotline might help. A call to your local Senior Services office would probably help as well. Most are the local resource for Abuse investigations. the call to them will start an investigation and the goal is to keep mom safe. Your brother may be overwhelmed and need help. The Senior Services can get him on the right track to the help that he needs.
How do you know that your brother "is medicating her inappropriately" since he lives with mom and cares for her daily and you do not? You also say in your profile:
"My mother lives with my brother in Florida. He is neglecting her, medicating her inappropriately, and not getting her to the doctor."
So again, how would you know such things? Surely you are not making such serious accusations against your brother based on what your mother with Alzheimer's/dementia is saying SOLELY, and without firsthand knowledge yourself.
I also agree with Snoopy. Your brother is doing all of the heavy lifting and he could very well be burning out. If that is the case, the best solution for everyone is placement in a facility. Mom will receive adequate care around the clock. You and your brother can visit as often as you like.
Why don’t you tell your brother about this website? There are lots of articles that he could read. There are many posters who have been in his shoes and there are posters who have found placement to be the best solution. All would be happy to chat with him.
We would love to hear his side of things because as Lea pointed out. He is the one who is caring for your mom.
Best wishes to you and your family. Please let us know if your brother is interested in joining in on this conversation with you.
Siblings differ. Care tasks & style differ. Eg Pill for every ailment or just let it be.
Try to move past your's & your Brother's differences now. See if you can talk to him at a calm time.
Listen to what he says. What his description of the current situation is.
Then ask if you can get permission to get a medical update from Mother's Doctor.
Get the Facts.
I've seen cases where treatment has become futile, or burdensome & has switched to 'comfort care'. If family members are not informed they may misunderstand. This causes much anger & hurt. Can destroy sibling relationships.
One such family contained 3 siblings, none listening to medical advice. #1 demanded all treatment: feeding tube, CPR etc, #2 pushed to withdraw all treatment for a fast end of life, #3 sought a clairvoyant.. That family just disintegrated.
Consider the relationships you want to save & improve for your future.
I think we need a bit more information about your mom's situation.
Who is prescribing the meds your mom is getting?
Is mom on hospice?
“I am caring for my mother J, who is 89 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, and mobility problems.”
How long has your brother been taking care of your mother at his home? Not to excuse any mistreatment or neglect, but could he be becoming overwhelmed or burned out?
A call to your local Senior Services office would probably help as well. Most are the local resource for Abuse investigations.
the call to them will start an investigation and the goal is to keep mom safe. Your brother may be overwhelmed and need help. The Senior Services can get him on the right track to the help that he needs.
"My mother lives with my brother in Florida. He is neglecting her, medicating her inappropriately, and not getting her to the doctor."
So again, how would you know such things? Surely you are not making such serious accusations against your brother based on what your mother with Alzheimer's/dementia is saying SOLELY, and without firsthand knowledge yourself.
Where are you getting your information from?
I also agree with Snoopy. Your brother is doing all of the heavy lifting and he could very well be burning out. If that is the case, the best solution for everyone is placement in a facility. Mom will receive adequate care around the clock. You and your brother can visit as often as you like.
Why don’t you tell your brother about this website? There are lots of articles that he could read. There are many posters who have been in his shoes and there are posters who have found placement to be the best solution. All would be happy to chat with him.
We would love to hear his side of things because as Lea pointed out. He is the one who is caring for your mom.
Best wishes to you and your family. Please let us know if your brother is interested in joining in on this conversation with you.
Try to move past your's & your Brother's differences now. See if you can talk to him at a calm time.
Listen to what he says. What his description of the current situation is.
Then ask if you can get permission to get a medical update from Mother's Doctor.
Get the Facts.
I've seen cases where treatment has become futile, or burdensome & has switched to 'comfort care'. If family members are not informed they may misunderstand. This causes much anger & hurt. Can destroy sibling relationships.
One such family contained 3 siblings, none listening to medical advice. #1 demanded all treatment: feeding tube, CPR etc, #2 pushed to withdraw all treatment for a fast end of life, #3 sought a clairvoyant.. That family just disintegrated.
Consider the relationships you want to save & improve for your future.