She uses a bedside commode and I’m fine with that but when she stands to use it, she loses control and pees on the floor. She’s recovering from a broken hip and says it too hard to pull pants up and down.
Mine did too until I told her something and she's been wearing them ever since. The ones I buy look like underwear but with the genital area heavily padded. So I told her they're called Pan-tex. Kotex and panties combined. Now she wears them. Who knew! Good luck. I know what you're going through. Just don't call them adult diapers. Call them pantexes. (wink)
She needs help on the commode and to wear adult briefs, both. She's living in your home and if she'd like to continue with that privilege, then she has to play by your house rules. Cleaning up urine all day bc she's "refusing" to wear Depends that will solve that problem is no longer acceptable mom. Once she's fully recovered and having no more accidents, then she can ditch the Depends.
LOs said/believed they didn't need Depends - but when I saw wet clothing & furniture I begged to differ. Just matter of fact: I see this - therefore wear the appropriate garments in my house or car - or do not enter.
I wouldn't be rushing straight to a psych eval or NH yet!
But I would be asking questions - starting with Mom.
".. and says it too hard to pull pants up and down".
Why??
Q. Is this a balance issue? Being able to balance while holding a walking frame/letting go the frame while trying to wrangle the pants? If so, this equates to assistance being required from another person.
Q. Is this a pride issue? Misguided refusal to ask for help, thinking this makes her still independent? (Ignoring you having to clean up of course).
Both of these would get a 'get over it Mom' response from me.
Just use blunt common sense. You had surgery. You need a little help while you recover. For goodness sake, wear these pullups style briefs until you are recovered. I will help. Then go back to regular underwear.
PS Does Mom have help on call? Because if she is *assist x 1* but no-one is home/available when she needs help, you may need another solution.
If you’re mom is aware of what’s happening, how about reversing roles and ask her what would she do if it were you going through this? Just wondering what her answer may be and you never know there may be a solution within😊
My mom gave up wearing pants and tops and moved into the world of housecoats and muu-muus. She also experienced bladder leakage upon standing and only had a minute to get her pants off--many times not making it at all.
Changing out to clothing that was easier to put on and take off and was breezier and lighter made a huge difference.
Before she made the clothing change on her own--she was always wetting herself and smelled pretty bad. We had to have that uncomfortable conversation with her about the smell and the fact that her bed & chairs had been soaked a few times. After she accepted that this was the new norm for her, she changed her clothing. And we insisted that she wear minimally a pad in her underwear. If she'll change it frequently, it's much better.
Have you talked to mom about the hassle of cleaning up after the fact? Once mom understood that--it was easier to help her help herself.
How does she not go to the bathroom on her muumuu and/or housecoat? I had to take my. mom's bathrobes away due to finding poop on them a couple times. Nope. Not in my house - especially since she had no clue that she'd gotten poop on it and would have been sitting here, there, everywhere, spreading it all around. So. Gross.
Rub her nose in it and paddle her with a news paper....
If she she can't put on diapers then put pads down on the floor that is what I would do. I'm just interjecting levity in. I've taken care of my chronically ill mother since 2004 so I find humor helps.
Blue pads are my best friend. They help in so many situations. These are the ones we use. You can get thicker and bigger ones. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006M5ZC5A?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
You might consider putting plastic runners or matt on the flooring under that? Saves the floor and helps cleanup. Most importantly love on her and tell her that you do. That's the best medicine in the world. You will be glad you did.
Incontinence should be the line in the sand to put her in a facility. Especially if she's (essentially) purposely doing it because she's refusing to pull down her pants.
How about having her just hold a pad in place while moving from bed to commode? Simple for a temporary solution and she doesn’t have to ‘wear’ anything.
Either it's use a pull-up until regular underwear can be used again, or recover in a nursing home.
There's no reason why you should have to be mopping up urine from your floors and doing non-stop laundry. A pull-up would solve this problem.
Pull-up or a nursing home.
Trust me, she'll choose the pull-up.
I had to install my house + my car rules.
LOs said/believed they didn't need Depends - but when I saw wet clothing & furniture I begged to differ. Just matter of fact: I see this - therefore wear the appropriate garments in my house or car - or do not enter.
I wouldn't be rushing straight to a psych eval or NH yet!
But I would be asking questions - starting with Mom.
".. and says it too hard to pull pants up and down".
Why??
Q. Is this a balance issue? Being able to balance while holding a walking frame/letting go the frame while trying to wrangle the pants? If so, this equates to assistance being required from another person.
Q. Is this a pride issue?
Misguided refusal to ask for help, thinking this makes her still independent? (Ignoring you having to clean up of course).
Both of these would get a 'get over it Mom' response from me.
Just use blunt common sense. You had surgery. You need a little help while you recover. For goodness sake, wear these pullups style briefs until you are recovered. I will help. Then go back to regular underwear.
PS Does Mom have help on call? Because if she is *assist x 1* but no-one is home/available when she needs help, you may need another solution.
Changing out to clothing that was easier to put on and take off and was breezier and lighter made a huge difference.
Before she made the clothing change on her own--she was always wetting herself and smelled pretty bad. We had to have that uncomfortable conversation with her about the smell and the fact that her bed & chairs had been soaked a few times. After she accepted that this was the new norm for her, she changed her clothing. And we insisted that she wear minimally a pad in her underwear. If she'll change it frequently, it's much better.
Have you talked to mom about the hassle of cleaning up after the fact? Once mom understood that--it was easier to help her help herself.
If she she can't put on diapers then put pads down on the floor that is what I would do.
I'm just interjecting levity in. I've taken care of my chronically ill mother since 2004 so I find humor helps.
Blue pads are my best friend. They help in so many situations.
These are the ones we use. You can get thicker and bigger ones.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006M5ZC5A?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
You might consider putting plastic runners or matt on the flooring under that? Saves the floor and helps cleanup.
Most importantly love on her and tell her that you do. That's the best medicine in the world. You will be glad you did.
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