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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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She uses a bedside commode and I’m fine with that but when she stands to use it, she loses control and pees on the floor. She’s recovering from a broken hip and says it too hard to pull pants up and down.
Mine did too until I told her something and she's been wearing them ever since. The ones I buy look like underwear but with the genital area heavily padded. So I told her they're called Pan-tex. Kotex and panties combined. Now she wears them. Who knew! Good luck. I know what you're going through. Just don't call them adult diapers. Call them pantexes. (wink)
She needs help on the commode and to wear adult briefs, both. She's living in your home and if she'd like to continue with that privilege, then she has to play by your house rules. Cleaning up urine all day bc she's "refusing" to wear Depends that will solve that problem is no longer acceptable mom. Once she's fully recovered and having no more accidents, then she can ditch the Depends.
LOs said/believed they didn't need Depends - but when I saw wet clothing & furniture I begged to differ. Just matter of fact: I see this - therefore wear the appropriate garments in my house or car - or do not enter.
I wouldn't be rushing straight to a psych eval or NH yet!
But I would be asking questions - starting with Mom.
".. and says it too hard to pull pants up and down".
Why??
Q. Is this a balance issue? Being able to balance while holding a walking frame/letting go the frame while trying to wrangle the pants? If so, this equates to assistance being required from another person.
Q. Is this a pride issue? Misguided refusal to ask for help, thinking this makes her still independent? (Ignoring you having to clean up of course).
Both of these would get a 'get over it Mom' response from me.
Just use blunt common sense. You had surgery. You need a little help while you recover. For goodness sake, wear these pullups style briefs until you are recovered. I will help. Then go back to regular underwear.
PS Does Mom have help on call? Because if she is *assist x 1* but no-one is home/available when she needs help, you may need another solution.
If you’re mom is aware of what’s happening, how about reversing roles and ask her what would she do if it were you going through this? Just wondering what her answer may be and you never know there may be a solution within😊
My mom gave up wearing pants and tops and moved into the world of housecoats and muu-muus. She also experienced bladder leakage upon standing and only had a minute to get her pants off--many times not making it at all.
Changing out to clothing that was easier to put on and take off and was breezier and lighter made a huge difference.
Before she made the clothing change on her own--she was always wetting herself and smelled pretty bad. We had to have that uncomfortable conversation with her about the smell and the fact that her bed & chairs had been soaked a few times. After she accepted that this was the new norm for her, she changed her clothing. And we insisted that she wear minimally a pad in her underwear. If she'll change it frequently, it's much better.
Have you talked to mom about the hassle of cleaning up after the fact? Once mom understood that--it was easier to help her help herself.
How does she not go to the bathroom on her muumuu and/or housecoat? I had to take my. mom's bathrobes away due to finding poop on them a couple times. Nope. Not in my house - especially since she had no clue that she'd gotten poop on it and would have been sitting here, there, everywhere, spreading it all around. So. Gross.
Rub her nose in it and paddle her with a news paper....
If she she can't put on diapers then put pads down on the floor that is what I would do. I'm just interjecting levity in. I've taken care of my chronically ill mother since 2004 so I find humor helps.
Blue pads are my best friend. They help in so many situations. These are the ones we use. You can get thicker and bigger ones. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006M5ZC5A?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
You might consider putting plastic runners or matt on the flooring under that? Saves the floor and helps cleanup. Most importantly love on her and tell her that you do. That's the best medicine in the world. You will be glad you did.
Incontinence should be the line in the sand to put her in a facility. Especially if she's (essentially) purposely doing it because she's refusing to pull down her pants.
How about having her just hold a pad in place while moving from bed to commode? Simple for a temporary solution and she doesn’t have to ‘wear’ anything.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Either it's use a pull-up until regular underwear can be used again, or recover in a nursing home.
There's no reason why you should have to be mopping up urine from your floors and doing non-stop laundry. A pull-up would solve this problem.
Pull-up or a nursing home.
Trust me, she'll choose the pull-up.
I had to install my house + my car rules.
LOs said/believed they didn't need Depends - but when I saw wet clothing & furniture I begged to differ. Just matter of fact: I see this - therefore wear the appropriate garments in my house or car - or do not enter.
I wouldn't be rushing straight to a psych eval or NH yet!
But I would be asking questions - starting with Mom.
".. and says it too hard to pull pants up and down".
Why??
Q. Is this a balance issue? Being able to balance while holding a walking frame/letting go the frame while trying to wrangle the pants? If so, this equates to assistance being required from another person.
Q. Is this a pride issue?
Misguided refusal to ask for help, thinking this makes her still independent? (Ignoring you having to clean up of course).
Both of these would get a 'get over it Mom' response from me.
Just use blunt common sense. You had surgery. You need a little help while you recover. For goodness sake, wear these pullups style briefs until you are recovered. I will help. Then go back to regular underwear.
PS Does Mom have help on call? Because if she is *assist x 1* but no-one is home/available when she needs help, you may need another solution.
Changing out to clothing that was easier to put on and take off and was breezier and lighter made a huge difference.
Before she made the clothing change on her own--she was always wetting herself and smelled pretty bad. We had to have that uncomfortable conversation with her about the smell and the fact that her bed & chairs had been soaked a few times. After she accepted that this was the new norm for her, she changed her clothing. And we insisted that she wear minimally a pad in her underwear. If she'll change it frequently, it's much better.
Have you talked to mom about the hassle of cleaning up after the fact? Once mom understood that--it was easier to help her help herself.
If she she can't put on diapers then put pads down on the floor that is what I would do.
I'm just interjecting levity in. I've taken care of my chronically ill mother since 2004 so I find humor helps.
Blue pads are my best friend. They help in so many situations.
These are the ones we use. You can get thicker and bigger ones.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006M5ZC5A?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
You might consider putting plastic runners or matt on the flooring under that? Saves the floor and helps cleanup.
Most importantly love on her and tell her that you do. That's the best medicine in the world. You will be glad you did.
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