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For the past few months my 83 year old nan has been complaining that she can’t go to the toilet. After visiting a doctor saying she can’t go they then gave her strong laxatives to solve the problem. After getting a bit suspicious of her saying she still hasn’t been in days. I’ve been trying to listen to when she’s going... she’s been going to the toilet about 4/5 times a day. She gets confused at night and then gets angry that she hasn’t been to the toilet all day? I’ve tried to explain to her that she’s already been 4 times and she just gets angry saying that I’m lying trying to make her look like she’s losing her mind. PLEASE HELP. She is absolutely obsessed with emptying her bowel completely. She doesn’t want any food in her stomach because she thinks it’s going to get blocked. She’s never been tested for any dementia, but is this a symptom?

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hnnhvnbls, pick your battles when it comes to possible memory lapses. Just humor your Grandmother when she claims she hadn't been to the bathroom. It is so much easier to just agree then to try to correct.

As for wondering if your Grandmother may be developing dementia..... at her age, every day is ground-hog day. For myself, I am in my mid-70's and ever since my office closed up forever last summer, I find I need to check the newspaper to see what day it is :P
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psuskind1 Feb 2021
Last week I called my LO in SNF (dementia) and instead of saying hello, he said he’s constipated...so now I see how common this issue is.
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The BM conversation is REAL!! Even without dementia issues, this situation sounds all too familiar. People who were always regular, as in everyday, expect it to happen for the rest of their life. The gut slows down when your body slows down. Medicines, especially those for pain, create havoc on the gut. Taking laxatives for too long eventually make the stomach rely on it - the natural ebb and flow to move things along will no longer work unless stimulated.

Since some of your nan's problems are related to dementia you have a couple of issues - she forgot she went and she may still feel the need to go. The obsession is not going away. For reminder purposes - put a white board in the bathroom and tell her as soon as she goes to put an X or a mark on the board. Maybe that will help her - depending on how her memory perceives the marks on the board.

If memory loss is more advanced, don't even try to convince her she already went. Broken brain versus reality = you won't win that reasoning or argument. Instead, try asking if she feels like she needs to go. If no, then tell her to rest for a while to see if she feels like she needs to go in a while. If you know that she just went, as she comes out of bathroom say something like - I bet you feel better now.
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Don't try to convince her of anything. Wouldn't be unusual for her to have at least a touch of dementia at her age. Try to diffuse and distract her with vague responses to her obsession. Don't argue or try to make her see that she's wrong. Just won't work.

Good luck.
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I am in the same boat with my father and posted a similar question just yesterday. He is in AL and has become angry about constipation! Even when dr xrayed his stomach to be sure there was no backup, he said we were all lying. The staff occasionally gives him a cup of warm water and tells him the laxative is mixed in (it's not) but even though he doesn't remember seeing Dr and getting an xray, he's starting to catch on to that ruse. I do know the obsession will at some point pass but that is usually when the dementia has advanced and that brings on a whole new set of challenges. You are not alone!
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My sweet grandma lived the health credo that you HAD to have a BM first thing in the morning or something was wrong with you and out came the castor oil.

It was the only think my poor dad obsessed about as he aged. At the end, he wasn't eating ANYTHING solid, so of course, no bowel activity. We never did solve that one.
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My Papa had this same issue (amongst many). When his doctor prescribed an anti-anxiety medication, that helped tremendously. A lot of his behaviors turned out to be based in anxiety. Might be something to ask the doctor about.
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More likely to be a symptom of haemarrhoids, or a prolapse, or an upset gut, or anyway something else that makes her feel like she isn't "empty" would be my completely amateur guess. Did the doctor do a physical exam, do you happen to know?

In any case, there obviously is physical discomfort of one sort or another and you want a qualified medical opinion.
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It's deffiently not good idea to be on Strong Laxatives.

You should deffiently speak to her Dr to let the Dr know she does go to the bathroom so he won't prescribe her any more pills.

Some people don't understand that different people have different routines of how often they go to the bathroom.

Some go every day some every other day and nothing to worry about unless you don't have one for 3 days.

It's possible her poop routine changed do to her meds.

Instead of fussing with her, you might consider installing a Nest Camera which can be seen from your cell phone or computer and then play it back for her, showing she went to the bathroom.

Also, if she doesn't eat much, you might start having her drink a chocolate breakfast drink like Ensure, ect and it helps you to poop without the negative side effects from a laxative.

My 96 yr old Dad drinks a little Ensure every day and he doesn't eat much so it works like a Laxative.

Prayers
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My husband has moderate alzheimer's and has complained about this issue. Several times he hasn't made to the bathroom in time and messed on the floor or went in his underwear. He is so humiliated about this. I think the disease has caused him to forget what he is supposed to do.

Anyway, his primary has suggested MetaMucil which has fiber and helps with bowel movements. It has been about 10 days and he is having better BM. Need to drink a glass of water with the capsules.

Good luck. It's a rough road for us as caregivers.
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The bowels are the most stressful thing about caregiving, but strong laxatives can be very dangerous for the elderly. Not only will it cause dependence, but excessive bowel movement can deplete her electrolytes and make her dehydrated. Further, if she does not clean well, she is very high risk for urinary tract infection.

Elderly often forgot to drink enough water and that can cause constipation. You need to monitor how often she is drinking fluids. If that is not the problem and she needs a laxative--fiber like Metamucil, or, failing that, prescription lactulose, are much safer alternatives.

It is important to put a lock on your toilet handle because you need to see if she is going, and how the stool looks like. They sell childproof locks on Amazon for toilet handles. If you see blood in the stool then she has another problem that needs medical attention.
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