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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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As long as they are considered competent, they are allowed to make bad decisions. It's infuriating to those of us on the outside but unless you can prove they are not competent and get guardianship you can't stop them. Even a Power of Attorney doesn't give you the option to make a decision counter to their wishes. If you think your mom's behavior falls into a category where a judge would agree with you then file for guardianship but realize what that will do to your relationship, especially if you lose.
JKM hit it spot on. They are not incompetent. We get to make our own poor decisions in life when we come of age. That doesn't go away when we hit a certain elder age.
i agree with all three of these commenters . the son who would have ( physically if necessary ) defended my wishes to my last breath is sadly gone . my other son has always thought he was the only genius in a world of imbeciles . he will NEVER be my poa . i earned my assets and if i want to blow it all on magic beans thats what i'll do . i thought i was a pretty halfassed caregiver to my mother but in looking back , she made the decisions in her own home until the moment she was put under with morphine . mad as a hatter in her last few weeks but still firmly in control of her home . my job was making sure nobody challenged that .
Bad decisions are not considered a sign of incompetence, even as we age. If they did there would be very few competent people around.
Your profile states your father has dementia and the medical and AL staff are unaware of your mother's hallucinations. My understanding is they are already passed some kind of competence screening, maybe a mini-mental? Legally competency is a two state switch; either completely competent or completely incompetent, at least in most states. As a practical matter, competency usually degrades over time with impulse control being one of the first things that degrades to a noticeable level.
Does your mother admit she is spending too much on impulse buys? Would she agree to a monthly impulse budget? Would your father help limit your mother's immediate access to their funds?
I would approach this as you want to _help_ your parents conserve their money so they can afford the AL for the rest of their life. Not as you telling them they are incompetent and you want/need control.
If your parents would cooperate, I recommend helping them setup a joint primary account that requires both signatures on a check, neither has a debit card, and TOD is setup to each other. This joint primary account should receive their monthly SS and pension deposits. A second spending account can be setup for auto-pay bills with a monthly transfer from the primary account to cover these expenses (the information from the bill pay account may be exposed externally but if there's a problem, the damage is limited). Use two debit accounts (at the bank or with something like chime), one for each parent with their monthly budgeted/agreed upon spending money transferred in each month. Close credit card accounts and freeze their credit.
If they don't want your help then all you can really do is wait until something comes to the attention of the medical or AL staff. Has you father been formally diagnosed with ALZ or some other dementia? If so, the PCP will probably be doing a mini-mental at each 6 month appointment. If your parents fill out a HIPAA form for you, then you can discuss their condition with their doctors. Without HIPAA permission, you can write letters/notes to their doctors but they doctors cannot communicate your parents information back to you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
i thought i was a pretty halfassed caregiver to my mother but in looking back , she made the decisions in her own home until the moment she was put under with morphine . mad as a hatter in her last few weeks but still firmly in control of her home . my job was making sure nobody challenged that .
Your profile states your father has dementia and the medical and AL staff are unaware of your mother's hallucinations. My understanding is they are already passed some kind of competence screening, maybe a mini-mental? Legally competency is a two state switch; either completely competent or completely incompetent, at least in most states. As a practical matter, competency usually degrades over time with impulse control being one of the first things that degrades to a noticeable level.
Does your mother admit she is spending too much on impulse buys? Would she agree to a monthly impulse budget? Would your father help limit your mother's immediate access to their funds?
I would approach this as you want to _help_ your parents conserve their money so they can afford the AL for the rest of their life. Not as you telling them they are incompetent and you want/need control.
If your parents would cooperate, I recommend helping them setup a joint primary account that requires both signatures on a check, neither has a debit card, and TOD is setup to each other. This joint primary account should receive their monthly SS and pension deposits. A second spending account can be setup for auto-pay bills with a monthly transfer from the primary account to cover these expenses (the information from the bill pay account may be exposed externally but if there's a problem, the damage is limited). Use two debit accounts (at the bank or with something like chime), one for each parent with their monthly budgeted/agreed upon spending money transferred in each month. Close credit card accounts and freeze their credit.
If they don't want your help then all you can really do is wait until something comes to the attention of the medical or AL staff. Has you father been formally diagnosed with ALZ or some other dementia? If so, the PCP will probably be doing a mini-mental at each 6 month appointment. If your parents fill out a HIPAA form for you, then you can discuss their condition with their doctors. Without HIPAA permission, you can write letters/notes to their doctors but they doctors cannot communicate your parents information back to you.