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my mom lived with me for eight years and with my sister for the last two years. My mom has brain seizures, and as a result of that, she has short term dementia. When my mom went to live with my sister, she was in bad shape. Her seizure medication was not working properly. And she was having problems, walking, and talking and remembering. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I no longer could care for her and my sister said that she would take her. During the first couple weeks of my sister having her she got her to sign a POA. At that time, my mom was in no state of mind to sign anything. During the time she was with my sister, she would sometimes be OK and other times, she would tell me that she’s scared, and that my sister and her family were mean to her and that my sister would tell her that she had no money. One weekend I wanted to take her shopping and I called my sister to ask her Mac card number cause she wanted to take money out and my sister said that my mom no longer has access to her money because she has dementia and hung the phone up on me. Since my mom has been in the nursing home, she is like a different person. She is independent I need no help with anything. She can remember everything from years ago, but not things that happen recently. She has no recollection of signing a POA and does not want my sister to have that authority over her. My sister is not been to see her or call her since she put her in there. My mom says that she believes that my sister is spending her money and she has medical needs that she take care of now because my sister said she has no money. My mom wants to change her POA but we have no kind of ID for my mom to take her and change the POA . I believe my sister was neglecting to give my mom her seizure medicine when she was in her care and then taking her to the doctors so she could get them to say that she had severe dementia so she could get her out of her house. My mom would tell me all the time that she did not want to be there and they made her feel unwanted, and my sister would tell her that she did not want her at her house. So now I probably have to get around that before we can change the POA. My sister is a notary. So we believe she notarized the POA herself. She has never shown us any documents. At this point, my sister won’t even take our calls. I really don’t know what to do. I just want my mom to have access to her money so she can take care of her medical needs.

If you think your Mom wrongfully took POA and/or is not acting properly in your Mom's best interests, then probably legal action is needed by you. Consult an attorney.
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Reply to strugglinson
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MACinCT Jul 25, 2024
My suggestion also to contest POA. It might be costly.
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For Mom to be put in a NH she had to meetvthe criteria and sister needed to show them the ability to pay. If Mom is private pay, Sis better be keeping good records to how Moms money is being spent in case Medicaid is needed. Sis cannot use any of Moms money on herself. Sis having POA and signing as the notary would be a conflict of interest, IMO. I think two witnesses are needed.

Call DMV and see if they will come to Mom. See if there is a lawyer who will come to the NH. If Mom understands what a POA means, she should be able to assign someone else. The new POA will say all others are revoked. It would be nice to have a letter sent to Sis telling her POA has been revoked and that she needs to hand over all records to the new POA.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Culbertthe Jul 23, 2024
The problem with that is that we have no kind of ID for my mom. The only thing I have is a 2023 W-2 that was sent to my house by mistake.
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So there's a pretty good mess going on here...the nursing home should be able to identify your mother for you. There's one piece of information that the system goes by and that's the social security number. You say you have a w2, it should be on there. It really does sound like your mother is confused,the signs of being scared,feels inadequate in where she was ,being treated poorly is common with dementia and probably why your sister placed her. As long as sister is getting mom's bills paid there's not much you can do. She may indeed have no funds,it all depends if mom is financially paying on a mortgage or anything else that goes with homeowners debt like bills and insurance. It doesn't take long for finances to run out!!! If your mother needs prescriptions, it's up to sister to get them for her. She has POA and everything lands on her shoulders now. Anyone looking for money, refer them to her. You only told us about dementia but that in itself doesn't get any better. Sometimes good, sometimes not is just the way it is. Your mom might be looking for sympathy, that's typical too and they're good at that! What does the nursing home say about her behavior?She might not remember things currently but does in the past? Also typical for the past has more memories. As long as mom is getting the necessary care,let it go. If she's not, Inform the nursing home to get in touch with your sister. She must've signed the contract to place mom and is responsible for her. If mom is competent she might have to talk to her about her financial accounts,speaker phone so you both hear. At this point, I don't think the will can be changed, she's in a nursing home and the doctor says dementia. If she wasn't coherent when she signed her will, it will take a lawyer and a lot of money to prove that it happened that way and that she's actually competent!! She might end up being a ward of the State.
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Reply to JuliaH
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Any you take her to the dmv to get a state issued id card? Are you aloud to take her out for short periods of time?
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Reply to Amyborrrel
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You can ask the facility if they have times when the DMV comes in and does ID's for residents.
Or you can take mom out to get one.
(If you are able to do so, don't know if your sister has placed restrictions)
Your other option would be to talk to an Elder Care Attorney and seek Guardianship. I doubt seriously if the attorney would find your mom cognizant enough to change POA.
The Guardianship would trump the POA.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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It reads to me like you & your sister have very different viewpoints. That there is a lack of communication and understanding between you both.

Therefore, why not get feedback from someone with trained medical knowledge? Mom's Doctor, the NH Doctor or NH Nurse in Charge. What IS Mom's current diagnosis? Mild cognitive impairement? Short-term memory impairement? Or is the term Dementia correct?

You report Mom had trouble with walking, talking, sezures & short-term memory. You also report Mom is "independant" - do you mean regarding specific tasks eg showering & dressing?

I am not sure how that is relevant? Are you implying that because Mom WANTS to leave she should? (Despite her health care needs?)

Correct me if wrong, but it reads that you are viewing Mom as a 'victim' in all this. You are attempting to make things better for Mom somehow but sister is 'the bad guy'.

I am not sure what is it you want to achieve?
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Reply to Beatty
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