I got her on Medicaid moved to a much nicer facility.
She is in better shape mentally than most of the patients and resents being there. Refuses medication for delusions, also refuses showers, and expresses hatred for siblings who "dumped her there". Should we go to visit and listen to the tirades or stay away and advocate from afar. Is there any other kind of facility that could make sure meds are taken etc that would accept Medicaid.
Rosechild,
No facility can force a resident to do what they don't want to. Its State law. They can find ways to work around it like putting a pill in applesauce or pudding. My daughter says you can make people feel like they are making the decisions. "Mrs. S wouldn't it be nice to be all clean and feeling so nice after a shower". I had a Nurse ask Mom if she wanted to do something, of course Mom said No. I told the Nurse not to ask just tell. "Mrs. P, time for a bath" if they refuse, like I said there are ways to get around it. But if they still refuse, they can't make them. And with the number residents that each aide is responsible for, they really don't have the time to argue with a resident. So, changing facilities will not do any good.
How to handle visits. Is this a permanent thing or just temporary. If temporary, maybe you can tell sister that she will get out sooner if she takes all her meds and is showing signs of improvement, that includes taking showers. She has to show that she can be independent and will continue doing whats needed to keep that independence.
If permanent (and this goes for temporary to), set boundries now. Tell her your sorry she feels you all have dumped her but her actions got her there. That she needs professional care that none of you are able to give. That if she wants visitors than she can't verbally abuse them. And if she does, you all will just walk out. Because you, nor should you, will not take the abuse. And all of her siblings have to agree that this is how you will all handle her. If she calls and gets abusive. Tell her you will not listen and you are hanging up. She will hopefully learn that if she wants contact with her siblings that she needs to be respectful.
You don't say if her actions are from a mental illness or she has been diagnosed with a Dementia. If Dementia, she is where she needs to be. She will just continue to decline. Mental illness is another thing. Some can be controlled with meds and the person can live a normal life if they can be trusted to take them.
I had come to a similar conclusion. We will visit, but not stay if sister becomes abusive. I hope she acts better with staff or I may be looking for another facility.