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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Since your spouse is suffering from dementia, she will continue to need more & more help with all activities of daily living *ADLs* as time goes on. From the booklet, "Understanding the Dementia Experience" which I will give you a link to, this is what the author has to say about bathing a loved one suffering from dementia:
" Grooming and bathing are disrupted when the person forgets how and when to do things. They may forget what the steps of washing are. They may forget that they need to wash. They may be unable to remember how much time has elapsed since they last washed or changed their clothes. They may also believe that they are clean and take offence should anyone suggest otherwise. Dealing with such situations in a manner that is kind and jovial, rather than confrontational, is important.
One fellow, who needed to help his wife bathe as she was no longer able to do so herself, was puzzled because she was calm and cooperative until he helped her step out of the bathtub, and then she became agitated and wanted to get covered up immediately. As it turned out, as soon as she saw her own reflection in the mirror, she thought there was another person in the bathroom, and she was embarrassed. As you can see, the cause of the distress for a person with dementia is not always readily apparent to the rest of us, who can take intact thought and reasoning for granted.
If a person with Alzheimer disease is looking at a solid black area, or a solid white area, such as a bathtub, they may perceive a yawning bottomless hole. Putting a coloured bath mat down may increase the likelihood that they would be willing to step into the tub. Putting blue food colouring into the water may allow them to see what they are stepping into as well. Generally, with altered depth perception, it becomes challenging to judge how high, deep, long, wide, near or far things are.
If you send clear signals through your tone of voice, facial expression and relaxed and confident attitude, that you mean them no harm, they may trust you to the point where you are able to help them with their personal care. People with Alzheimer disease become extremely sensitive to the body language of others, as they no longer possess the judgment and insight to understand the situation, so they evaluate the threat posed to themselves by the frown or aggressive stance of the other. It is important to exaggerate your body language communication to let the person with Alzheimer disease know that you intend them no harm. A smile on your face, a relaxed tone of voice and body stance, a sense of calmness and reassurance, perhaps a hug, all communicate that you mean to help, not harm. If you feel like you’re overdoing the positive body language, you are communicating your intent effectively for a person with Alzheimer disease.
Remember that their short-term memory may not permit them to remember what you are doing when the two of you are part way through a task, such as a bath. People have found it effective to keep chatting throughout the task, as the continued connection and reassurance of a soothing tone helps the person with Alzheimer disease stay calm in a situation they would otherwise find threatening."
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
I also recommend you watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHIDRAS-zs0
And here is a link to 11 Tips for Bathing Someone with Dementia:
Showering my mother, the mirror distressed her because of her radical mastectomy etc. I covered the mirror with stick-on vinyl for the duration. Same problem you mentioned!
The no-brainer is to check that the taps are fixed the normal way – hot on the left, cold on the right. And fix a big red dot on the hot tap, a green dot on the cold. Once or twice in camping sites I’ve found taps were the wrong way round, very confusing. Another option (a bit more expensive) is to get a plumber to replace the taps with a mixer tap. You can set it to the right temperature, and then regulate on/off volume by pulling one lever, the same movement every time.
While you’re about it, think about other things that perhaps you do at the same time. They include grab rails and non-slip floor mats. If your bathroom floor has a drain outlet (it’s compulsory where I am, but I’m not sure about US), you could consider taking off any glass partitions around the shower. The bathroom gets a bit wet, but access for help can be easier. I used to strip before getting wet helping my mother. You could also replace partitions with a shower curtain – we've used a curtain rail that is right angled and can attach to two walls in the corner.
Most places have a service that will come in and check your house out for safety, and suggest small improvements – sometimes even pay for them. If things are changing for you both, it’s a good move. Best wishes to you both, and good luck, Margaret
Have you tried getting the water running and the temperature regulated before she gets in? You will also want to make sure that she has several grab bars to hold on to if needed, along with a slip proof mat and shower bench if necessary to make her feel more safe. For about a year before my husband became bedridden I would have to help him in the walk in shower. I would make sure he was sitting on the bench, turn on the water and would even have to wash him up. I would stand on the outside of the shower and wash him up good. I may have gotten a little wet, but surprisingly not too bad. And for the in-between showers you can always use the extra large body wipes and the waterless shampoo and conditioner caps. Both work really well and can be ordered either on Amazon or Walmart.com. I wish you the very best.
Exhibiting confusion over the faucet handles and temperature..?
I'm sure that description was intended to be ultra-clear, but I'm afraid I have no idea what's going on.
Can your wife see the controls clearly? Is she familiar with them, or is this a new shower? Is she getting annoyed because she can't turn the shower on, or is she stepping out and forgetting to turn the water off? Is she reaching for the on/off bit and accidentally adjusting the temperature instead? Is there a risk of scalds? - freezing herself is bad enough, but of course scalds are more of a worry.
Is your wife also at risk of falls?
What sort of shower do you currently have?
What to do depends on what exactly is going wrong, and whether the problem is likely to be temporary or permanent or to get worse. Do you have a budget for any recommendations an Occupational Therapist might make?
But in any case, never fear - there are almost no showering problems that can't be overcome one way or another, or not unless the person has both legs in plaster and the water is off at the mains, that kind of extreme situation. Many and varied are the possible solutions, so please give us a little more detail about the current difficulty.
Depending on your spouse's medical situation their insurance could cover a shower chair and/or transfer bench. 24 hours after my mother had her first incident I had shower bars installed in the bathroom, no throw rugs.
CNA's can come to the house provided the Primary Care Doctor (PCP) writes an order. The PCP can write a scrip for a shower chair, shower bars, shower nozzle and you can get products in the OTC book--sponge, etc. Baby shampoo is good too.
Be careful of the hot water. You didn't mention your spouse's medical situation but make sure they are not in danger by turning the hot water too hot. Set up a routine so they know what is expected.
I have (2) bathrobes, check the water temp, put the towels in the dryer and Mom has warm towels when she gets out. I wrap her in a terrycloth bathrobe and walk her into the bedroom and seat her. A small bottled water and kleenex are on her chair in her bedroom. She knows the routine. Sometimes I make a joke out of it and I say we're going to the car wash and she laughs too and tells me I don't know what I would do without you! It makes it all worthwhile...
After my DH's liver transplant he was a little unsteady on his feet for a while. Until the 200+ staples came out, he was bed-bathed. Afterwards, we put a shower chair in the tub, I'd get the shower set up and running and we'd BOTH get in the shower. I could reach all the places he couldn't and he was able to have a really good shower. Nothing feels better than a hot shower after 3 weeks of bed bathing!
We've kept that shower chair and it has come in handy so many times.
I wish I knew about the wonder of no rinse products when my mother lived with me. It was a challenge to get her showered before she became cold. I also wished we had the towel warmers that the English have in their bathrooms (or so it seems from the series Escape to the County which features people buying vintage homes.)
If I have to do it over again, I would use no rinse soap and no rinse shampoo. I use them periodically even now just for myself, and would absolutely use them if I felt somewhat unstable on my feet.
Someone can wash his/her hair and body while sitting down, moving only to the side to get to personal areas. But total clothing removal is unnecessary.
A long ago poster named Maggie (???) created a ritual for her mother. I don't remember all that she did, but she made it a bonding experience. If I had to do it over again, that's what I would do.
I'd play my mother or father's favorite music on a CD, have them sit in a comfortable chair, wrapped up well, and we'd wash one area at a time, with either just rolling to side while hanging onto the chair arms when personal areas needed to be addressed. I'd give them flowers either before or after the bathing. It wouldn't be an unsettling experience; it would be a bonding experience.
Another advantage of not exposing someone personally as well as climatically is that you can observe any changes, such as scratches, sores, bites, etc.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
" Grooming and bathing are disrupted when the person forgets how and when to do things. They may forget what the steps of washing are. They may forget that they need to wash. They may be unable to remember how much time has elapsed since they last washed or changed their clothes. They may also believe that they are clean and take offence should anyone suggest otherwise. Dealing with such situations in a manner that is kind and jovial, rather than confrontational, is important.
One fellow, who needed to help his wife bathe as she was no longer able to do so herself, was puzzled because she was calm and cooperative until he helped her step out of the bathtub, and then she became agitated and wanted to get covered up immediately. As it turned out, as soon as she saw her own reflection in the mirror, she thought there was another person in the bathroom, and she was embarrassed. As you can see, the cause of the distress for a person with dementia is not always readily apparent to the rest of us, who can take intact thought and reasoning for granted.
If a person with Alzheimer disease is looking at a solid black area, or a solid white area, such as a bathtub, they may perceive a yawning bottomless hole. Putting a coloured bath mat down may increase the likelihood that they would be willing to step into the tub. Putting blue food colouring into the water may allow them to see what they are stepping into as well. Generally, with altered depth perception, it becomes challenging to judge how high, deep, long, wide, near or far things are.
If you send clear signals through your tone of voice, facial expression and relaxed and confident attitude, that you mean them no harm, they may trust you to the point where you are able to help them with their personal care. People with Alzheimer disease become extremely sensitive to the body language of others, as they no longer possess the judgment and insight to understand the situation, so they evaluate the threat posed to themselves by the frown or aggressive stance of the other. It is important to exaggerate your body language communication to let the person with Alzheimer disease know that you intend them no harm. A smile on your face, a relaxed tone of voice and body stance, a sense of calmness and reassurance, perhaps a hug, all communicate that you mean to help, not harm. If you feel like you’re overdoing the positive body language, you are communicating your intent effectively for a person with Alzheimer disease.
Remember that their short-term memory may not permit them to remember what you are doing when the two of you are part way through a task, such as a bath. People have found it effective to keep chatting throughout the task, as the continued connection and reassurance of a soothing tone helps the person with Alzheimer disease stay calm in a situation they would otherwise find threatening."
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
I also recommend you watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHIDRAS-zs0
And here is a link to 11 Tips for Bathing Someone with Dementia:
https://teepasnow.com/blog/11-tips-for-bathing-a-person-living-with-dementia/
Wishing you the best of luck!
Does your wife have dementia?
If she is simply confused about handles, perhaps you can simply set up the water flow to her liking before she steps in.
Would that work?
While you’re about it, think about other things that perhaps you do at the same time. They include grab rails and non-slip floor mats. If your bathroom floor has a drain outlet (it’s compulsory where I am, but I’m not sure about US), you could consider taking off any glass partitions around the shower. The bathroom gets a bit wet, but access for help can be easier. I used to strip before getting wet helping my mother. You could also replace partitions with a shower curtain – we've used a curtain rail that is right angled and can attach to two walls in the corner.
Most places have a service that will come in and check your house out for safety, and suggest small improvements – sometimes even pay for them. If things are changing for you both, it’s a good move. Best wishes to you both, and good luck, Margaret
For about a year before my husband became bedridden I would have to help him in the walk in shower. I would make sure he was sitting on the bench, turn on the water and would even have to wash him up. I would stand on the outside of the shower and wash him up good. I may have gotten a little wet, but surprisingly not too bad.
And for the in-between showers you can always use the extra large body wipes and the waterless shampoo and conditioner caps. Both work really well and can be ordered either on Amazon or Walmart.com.
I wish you the very best.
I'm sure that description was intended to be ultra-clear, but I'm afraid I have no idea what's going on.
Can your wife see the controls clearly?
Is she familiar with them, or is this a new shower?
Is she getting annoyed because she can't turn the shower on, or is she stepping out and forgetting to turn the water off?
Is she reaching for the on/off bit and accidentally adjusting the temperature instead?
Is there a risk of scalds? - freezing herself is bad enough, but of course scalds are more of a worry.
Is your wife also at risk of falls?
What sort of shower do you currently have?
What to do depends on what exactly is going wrong, and whether the problem is likely to be temporary or permanent or to get worse. Do you have a budget for any recommendations an Occupational Therapist might make?
But in any case, never fear - there are almost no showering problems that can't be overcome one way or another, or not unless the person has both legs in plaster and the water is off at the mains, that kind of extreme situation. Many and varied are the possible solutions, so please give us a little more detail about the current difficulty.
Depending on your spouse's medical situation their insurance could cover a shower chair and/or transfer bench. 24 hours after my mother had her first incident I had shower bars installed in the bathroom, no throw rugs.
CNA's can come to the house provided the Primary Care Doctor (PCP) writes an order. The PCP can write a scrip for a shower chair, shower bars, shower nozzle and you can get products in the OTC book--sponge, etc. Baby shampoo is good too.
Be careful of the hot water. You didn't mention your spouse's medical situation but make sure they are not in danger by turning the hot water too hot. Set up a routine so they know what is expected.
I have (2) bathrobes, check the water temp, put the towels in the dryer and Mom has warm towels when she gets out. I wrap her in a terrycloth bathrobe and walk her into the bedroom and seat her. A small bottled water and kleenex are on her chair in her bedroom. She knows the routine. Sometimes I make a joke out of it and I say we're going to the car wash and she laughs too and tells me I don't know what I would do without you! It makes it all worthwhile...
We've kept that shower chair and it has come in handy so many times.
If I have to do it over again, I would use no rinse soap and no rinse shampoo. I use them periodically even now just for myself, and would absolutely use them if I felt somewhat unstable on my feet.
Someone can wash his/her hair and body while sitting down, moving only to the side to get to personal areas. But total clothing removal is unnecessary.
A long ago poster named Maggie (???) created a ritual for her mother. I don't remember all that she did, but she made it a bonding experience. If I had to do it over again, that's what I would do.
I'd play my mother or father's favorite music on a CD, have them sit in a comfortable chair, wrapped up well, and we'd wash one area at a time, with either just rolling to side while hanging onto the chair arms when personal areas needed to be addressed. I'd give them flowers either before or after the bathing. It wouldn't be an unsettling experience; it would be a bonding experience.
Another advantage of not exposing someone personally as well as climatically is that you can observe any changes, such as scratches, sores, bites, etc.