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She does not eat or drink on her own and has been on PEG stomach tube feeding 4 times/day since mid-2019. I'm 92 with minor physical issues and still reasonably clear-minded. I have a competent health aide to assist me with the feedings five days a week. My wife manages her personal needs of washing, dressing and toileting by herself, although we cannot get her to take a shower. A big problem is her refusal to leave our condo apt. I can barely get her to stand at the open front door. Any medical appointments or discussions have to be virtual, and they involve me because she will not talk to her doctors or psychiatrist. She had been getting eye treatments for a retina issue, but that stopped two years ago, and her vision is poor. She used to go on the computer to review news, etc. and play card games, but not anymore. We traveled extensively abroad, but I can't get her to even look at photos or videos covering our trips and visits. She says "that was then and this is now." Occasionally, she talks about being ready to"go". We have loving and caring children and grandchildren close by and she does relate pretty well with them.


Any thoughts on how to motivate or encourage her to leave our apt., because at some point in the future she will need the PEG tube replaced or another medical treatment?

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Thank you for your response. Our health aide has been with us for almost two years and has considerable experience working with older women like my wife. She has tried different tactics to get my wife to shower or to leave the apt., but nothing seems to help. I appreciate your input. I'll keep trying because that what I have to do, even if there's not much progress.
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I'm not sure "motivation" is the right angle, because her ability to work from within reason and logic and "common sense" has been diminished and continues to shrink. You may now need to employ "therapeutic fibs" such as "The grandkids are coming over tonight and it's time for a shower" or whatever you think will incentivize her. It is not immoral or unethical to do this since you are still operating in her best interests. You will need to poke around to see what lights a fire under her, and it may be a moving target. Bless you for giving her such wonderful care!
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