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My uncle died three months after my dad did. My uncle had hired a live in caregiver who became kind of his girlfriend. He didn’t leave her anything but she’s refusing to leave. Fortunately, his son is a lawyer, but it will probably take months and or lots of go-away money.



Im not trying to be rude but it’s a prime incentive for any indy, especiallly, who takes on live in or anywhere near that. They start by accepting gifts they’d get fired for if they worked for a facility or agency, they may get dad to change his documents or persuade him he’s in love.



My ys is gonna live with mom and get more of the house for improving it. My mom is 87 and still has all her adls but I can foresee an aide coming on later who speaks moms native language which she never taught us. She’ll be literally on top of the aides, daily.

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Peggy,

How sad that your uncle’s son has to pay out of pocket to evict this woman. Does she feel entitled because she had a relationship with your uncle?

Laws can be so complicated at times. I bet the son has felt like going there and physically throwing her out but I suppose he can’t legally do that.

So smart of you to be thinking ahead for your mom.
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This is when a contract is needed. To protect the employer and the live in too. The contract should say that if the client has to go into care or dies, the contract is null and void. At the time either happens, the live-in must vacate the property within 24 hrs. (Or something like this) A live-in should always have a back up plan. This is not their resident, they are hired help.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 15, 2023
You’re right, JoAnn.

It’s always smart to have everything spelled out ahead of time.

I agree that a caregiver should always have a backup plan.

Especially since they have no way of knowing how long their position with their client will last.
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I wonder if nephew could do some work on the interior of the house. Without evicting, it could make living there not quite such an attractive option.
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NYDaughterInLaw Nov 15, 2023
Exactly what I was thinking.
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Lordy. Yet another of those caregivers gone girl-friend. Peggy Sue, how do you keep coming up with these folks?
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 15, 2023
You know what they say, Alva. “It takes all kinds to make the world go round!”

Sadly, Peggy has seen quite a few of these people!
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You could make a drinking game about how many times a female caregiver becomes a “girlfriend” of a much older man.

Does this ever happen with male caregivers and older women?
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PeggySue2020 Nov 15, 2023
it does, just not as frequently. Plus, A woman supporting a much younger man continues to be viewed as, well, more pathetic whereas a man is seen as virile.

My next door neighbor on my left almost lost her inheritance over the issue above. It was complicated, just as that of the in laws and now uncles estate.

Just because a caregiver does her job does not make her family, yet that’s their thing, to get the elder to think they’re part of the family when they’ve only been on the scene a couple years
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So sorry for this difficult situation. How annoying!! What the heck is she thinking? I'm not sure what to suggest.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 15, 2023
She’s thinking that she has it made in the shade! Someone needs to place a firecracker under her a** to get her out of the house! LOL 😆

Cleary, she’s going to try to take advantage of the family.

I will say this, if the old man sincerely loved her then he would have placed her in his will. He didn’t give her the house! They may have formed a bond but it certainly wasn’t genuine love.
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this gives me hope that as I age, I could acquire a younger girlfriend, every aging mans dream
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PeggySue2020 Nov 16, 2023
Hugh Hefner had 18 yos having sex with him in his late 90s. They were babies when he turned 80. Would u be naturally attracted to a woman your moms age? Why would you assume it would be different in reverse?
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Peggy,

What happened when your uncle’s son asked the woman to leave?

I know here in New Orleans there are squatters rights.

There were people who evacuated hurricane Katrina and when they were finally able to get back to the city, there had been people living in their homes. People were desperate for shelter.

This happened to my cousin. A couple was living in her house. It was a mess. They stole valuable items. There was evidence of drugs being used in her house.

People who tragically died in the storm had people in their homes. Some started making renovations on the homes and legally they were allowed to stay. The family couldn’t kick them out.

These situations become very messy. No one could have moved into my mom’s house. She had nine feet of water. Fortunately, our home didn’t flood. We had wind damage but no water.
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Take Mom home with you (or Sis) for a while, tell the aide you're having the house tented for termites, and everyone has to get out. Put her belongings on the front lawn, change the locks and don't let her back in. Report her for elder abuse for good measure.
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PeggySue2020 Nov 16, 2023
Needs, uncle lived in Honolulu. I would imagine their tenancy laws are as strict as NO. In most of the country, evicting someone who doesn’t want to go will mean either paying lawyers to drag it out, paying her to leave, or somewhere in between.
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When my cousin was watching our mom at home she asked to move in and live in the basement. We turned her down because we were afraid of this exact situation happening.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 16, 2023
Wise decision.
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I don't see where a lawyer would be needed. Isn't there eviction court. There is a process when it comes to evicting. Maybe the Executor sends a 30 day notice. The person does not leave. Then u take them to court, the judge rules they must leave by a certain date. Does not happen then the police go and tell the person they have no more time, they are moving now. Then the person takes only what they brought with them. Once they are out, locks are changed. Since Uncle left her nothing, no proof of a romantic relationship. She was hired as a live-in care-giver. IMO that does not establish residency. She could be let go at anytime and should have a back up.
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PeggySue2020 Nov 16, 2023
Yeah, but as you know with the homeless crisis there’s never a priority for the court to order the sheriff to go evict ppl anymore.
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This is to Margaret’s question as to whether indy obligations differ.

Technically, they do not, but a facility or agency will be more incented to avoid elder abuse and family issues by discouraging gifting to staff with or without sex, let alone that sex would also be a firing offense.
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