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Which best describes their mobility?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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It is as I said to my brother when he said (quite honestly) that he wished he was dead: "It isn't something we have control over; let's look at things we do".
Phil, I am sorry this wasn't discussed with you. But I am wondering also if perhaps it was discussed, and you may not have a clear memory of it. Can you tell us a bit about yourself? What necessitates your being in care now? Are there physical problems in mobility and getting around? Have you become forgetful?
Whatever the circumstances, it is apparently your doctors and your care facility thinks that care is needed here. This was the case with my brother though he was good enough to go out and walk about the grounds, cut flowers, straighten up in his room, go for games and movies, and etc.
Can you tell us if you are in memory care or rather in Assisted Living? Do you have your own room with some of your own things? Is the food decent? Have you made any friends?
I am wishing you the best. I am sorry for your circumstances. My brother's favorite thing said to me was this: "You know hon, it is a bit like when I was young man in the Army. I didn't much like it, but I make the best of it, and he DID".
I'm so sorry for your situation. Is it possible your wife was burnt out and exhausted from providing your care because it was more than she was able to handle on an ongoing basis? Have you needed help for a while now? A lot depends on how old one is, what the care receiver's needs are and whether the caregiver also has their own health/mobility/cognitive issues.
If you can tell us how old you are and why you think you were transitioned to a facility, more info would be very helpful. More info about your wife would also help.
Must admit-even Had my spouse discussed my entering a Care Facility, & went ahead with it, even Then , I'd feel too, like I was "kicked out" , especially if the spouse is continuing on in the home you both had shared. Obviously , you're of enough sound mind to communicate and online-no less-your feelings and thoughts about the drastic change in you Life. So-am wondering what it was that caused your wife to go about admitting you to the facility ? You may imagine even ulterior motives, or her living at Home now , continuing happily On , particularly with Out your presence. You may imagine All kinds of things about it., and that Your left on the Losin End. Could you make a List, though, instead, about what benefits You now have over the life she continues leading at Home? Are there more enjoyable activities provided, and so closeby ? Are you feeling any kinship with other residents, or finding some empathy from staff members? Are you making friends? Being fed well? Less concerned about any household work , chores, or daily tasks, with more time to enjoy to yourself, or with others , always so handy for companionship, games, activities, etc.? Should your wife be older she may still be experiencing the Opposite of all that . Much of her time may be taken up over caring for Herself, Home , or any others needing assistance. She may find no time or energy left to make new friends, while old friends fall away. She may have Family who also disagreed about moving you and now resent her . You can imagine all kinds of things -for better or worse-about her. As her old life continues, she may even have regret over her decision to move you out. She may be left all alone and resent it. YOU have a NEW life to live-a Clean Slate . Think of everyday as a NEW day . No matter where or how we are living as Seniors, we all have to get Creative and keep the Faith in all possibilities! Should you be angry at your wife -turn it around. If you see her again -TRY to portray your Life as a happy one , and elaborate about your new friends and activities you are enjoying and all your plans . You have more Time now to do things she'll struggle to do-join or start a bookclub, a gardening club, a chess club , or easier than that-a Film Club, a light cooking club. WE knew someone who decades after living with her Family , was moved into a Senior Care Ctr.. At first the adjustment was hard, but eventually she was declaring she was really Happy & wondered Why hadn't she moved there Years ago"?
Your wife obviously felt like she had no other choice but to have you placed where you would receive the care you now require and she can get back to being your loving wife and advocate and not your burned out caregiver. You don't tell us what your health issues are, but I can only guess they are many, so don't blame your wife for deciding what was best for the both of you, as your wife DOES matter in this situation as well. Perhaps you need to talk to your doctor about going on some kind of anti-depressant to help you while you get adjusted to your new home, and hopefully in time you'll be able to accept what your wife had to do for you to get the care you now require. God bless you.
If you were admitted to a NH you must need a lot of care. It sounds that your wife was doing it. Did you notice how much work she was doing for you? Did she seem exhausted? Did you talk with her about HER problems? Did she try to ‘involve’ you in solutions? If so, how did you react? Was she ‘depressed and confused’ about what to do?
Thinking through these questions might help you to decide to make the best of the situation now.
Perhaps you’d like to inquire about how the wife in the situation came to her decision, maybe think of her heartache, her concern, her worry, her burnout, her own health and wellness? Nope, no compassion there
"Feeling like I was kicked out of the house - 'justified because in a way you were'. 'Deserving to be kicked out of the house' - possibly justified too.
Your wife can be a big part of you doing well in the NH. She can visit, keep you in touch with the outside world, and monitor the care that you are getting to make sure that it's as good as possible. To make that work, it might help if you thanked her for her care at home, now that you may have some idea how much is involved for a whole team of people paid to work around the clock. Resenting your wife and the decision to place you, is unlikely to work in your favor.
Did you appoint your wife as your POA knowing she'd do the right thing for you, and keep your best interest in mind? Or are you suggesting your wife has tried to punish you for being too ill for her to care for at home any more? Surely your intent is not to make HER sick or immobilized with an injury from trying to take care of you??
Old age and infirmity is hard for all of us. Speak to your doctor about antidepressants to help you cope with yours. I wish you the best.
Whatever your medical problems are , you must need a level of care not sustainably provided at home. Perhaps you are not able to remember that . You say you are confused .
My own sister recently placed with dementia is feeling the same way since her son placed her . Only a few months ago she was aware of her cognitive issues getting worse and admitted she may have to go to a facility. Now she has no idea why she is there and texts everyday that she’s “ too young to be put away “ .
Adjusting to this change is hard for you . Ask for an antidepressant . Try to remember that your medical problems are why you are there and your wife did not cause them .
Op, if you are of sound mind chances are that you could force a discharge. After all, facilities are not prison. You may divorce her to get your half of the assets to spend on whatever living and caregiving arrangement you wish, but you can’t force her to take care of you.
Op, depression and even wishing to be dead are common with age and decline, especially if it ends in one of you having to go to a home.
You are angry and frustrated, yes, but you don’t sound insane. It is, as Alva said, all about the new challenge of trying to make the best of it instead of committing to being miserable.
Phil, were I you, I would commit yourself to acting like you’re making the best of it for at least one or two weeks. There’s really nothing to lose with this experiment.
Try the activities. There is usually at least chair yoga, which is a form of exercise. As far as meals, sit with those who have similar conversational ability. You’re not the only one in a nh who still has your capacity, so find a peer group.
Phil77, welcome to the forum. When you get a chance, please fill out your Profile page as that will give us a better understanding of your situation.
Please note, that up to 40% of family caregivers will die, leaving behind the love one they were caring. Those are not good odds. Some will wind up with serious illnesses due to the pure exhaustion and stress of being a caregiver.
It could be possible that your wife had placed you in a senior facility to save her own life? Sounds like your wife wants to be around to help you navigate your life's journey, so you wouldn't have to do it on your own.
It would be nice to know why you were placed in NH. Just having the ability to find this forum and post here shows you are OK cognitively. So there are other health issues that you were placed for. You have to be considered 24/7 care and therevisca reason why you could not be cared for at home.
1. You expect your wife to do the caring and she physically can't.
2. You can't afford to pay aides to come into the home. Because of that, you were placed to get the care you need with Medicaid paying.
3. Your wife has health problems of her own and not capable of caring for you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Phil, I am sorry this wasn't discussed with you. But I am wondering also if perhaps it was discussed, and you may not have a clear memory of it.
Can you tell us a bit about yourself?
What necessitates your being in care now?
Are there physical problems in mobility and getting around?
Have you become forgetful?
Whatever the circumstances, it is apparently your doctors and your care facility thinks that care is needed here. This was the case with my brother though he was good enough to go out and walk about the grounds, cut flowers, straighten up in his room, go for games and movies, and etc.
Can you tell us if you are in memory care or rather in Assisted Living?
Do you have your own room with some of your own things?
Is the food decent?
Have you made any friends?
I am wishing you the best. I am sorry for your circumstances. My brother's favorite thing said to me was this: "You know hon, it is a bit like when I was young man in the Army. I didn't much like it, but I make the best of it, and he DID".
How old are you and what do you suffer from.
If you can tell us how old you are and why you think you were transitioned to a facility, more info would be very helpful. More info about your wife would also help.
Obviously , you're of enough sound mind to communicate and online-no less-your feelings and thoughts about the drastic change in you Life. So-am wondering what it was that caused your wife to go about admitting you to the facility ?
You may imagine even ulterior motives, or her living at Home now , continuing happily On , particularly with Out your presence. You may imagine All kinds of things about it., and that Your left on the Losin End.
Could you make a List, though, instead, about what benefits You now have over the life she continues leading at Home? Are there more enjoyable activities provided, and so closeby ? Are you feeling any kinship with other residents, or finding some empathy from staff members? Are you making friends? Being fed well? Less concerned about any household work , chores, or daily tasks, with more time to enjoy to yourself, or with others , always so handy for companionship, games, activities, etc.?
Should your wife be older she may still be experiencing the Opposite of all that . Much of her time may be taken up over caring for Herself, Home , or any others needing assistance. She may find no time or energy left to make new friends, while old friends fall away. She may have Family who also disagreed about moving you and now resent her .
You can imagine all kinds of things -for better or worse-about her. As her old life continues, she may even have regret over her decision to move you out. She may be left all alone and resent it.
YOU have a NEW life to live-a Clean Slate . Think of everyday as a NEW day .
No matter where or how we are living as Seniors, we all have to get Creative and keep the Faith in all possibilities! Should you be angry at your wife -turn it around. If you see her again -TRY to portray your Life as a happy one , and elaborate about your new friends and activities you are enjoying and all your plans . You have more Time now to do things she'll struggle to do-join or start a bookclub, a gardening club, a chess club , or easier than that-a Film Club, a light cooking club.
WE knew someone who decades after living with her Family , was moved into a Senior Care Ctr.. At first the adjustment was hard, but eventually she was declaring she was really Happy & wondered Why hadn't she moved there Years ago"?
You don't tell us what your health issues are, but I can only guess they are many, so don't blame your wife for deciding what was best for the both of you, as your wife DOES matter in this situation as well.
Perhaps you need to talk to your doctor about going on some kind of anti-depressant to help you while you get adjusted to your new home, and hopefully in time you'll be able to accept what your wife had to do for you to get the care you now require.
God bless you.
Thinking through these questions might help you to decide to make the best of the situation now.
'Deserving to be kicked out of the house' - possibly justified too.
Your wife can be a big part of you doing well in the NH. She can visit, keep you in touch with the outside world, and monitor the care that you are getting to make sure that it's as good as possible. To make that work, it might help if you thanked her for her care at home, now that you may have some idea how much is involved for a whole team of people paid to work around the clock. Resenting your wife and the decision to place you, is unlikely to work in your favor.
Old age and infirmity is hard for all of us. Speak to your doctor about antidepressants to help you cope with yours. I wish you the best.
My own sister recently placed with dementia is feeling the same way since her son placed her . Only a few months ago she was aware of her cognitive issues getting worse and admitted she may have to go to a facility. Now she has no idea why she is there and texts everyday that she’s “ too young to be put away “ .
Adjusting to this change is hard for you .
Ask for an antidepressant . Try to remember that your medical problems are why you are there and your wife did not cause them .
You are angry and frustrated, yes, but you don’t sound insane. It is, as Alva said, all about the new challenge of trying to make the best of it instead of committing to being miserable.
Try the activities. There is usually at least chair yoga, which is a form of exercise. As far as meals, sit with those who have similar conversational ability. You’re not the only one in a nh who still has your capacity, so find a peer group.
Please note, that up to 40% of family caregivers will die, leaving behind the love one they were caring. Those are not good odds. Some will wind up with serious illnesses due to the pure exhaustion and stress of being a caregiver.
It could be possible that your wife had placed you in a senior facility to save her own life? Sounds like your wife wants to be around to help you navigate your life's journey, so you wouldn't have to do it on your own.
1. You expect your wife to do the caring and she physically can't.
2. You can't afford to pay aides to come into the home. Because of that, you were placed to get the care you need with Medicaid paying.
3. Your wife has health problems of her own and not capable of caring for you.